Not my circus. Not my monkeys.  Not my kid. Not my life.  My therapist says to stay out of it.  I know I probably should.  So here I am, writing this here to get it off my chest, my heart aching.  My mind racing.  I care about E and her dad so much - they are both hurting.

This is the email I would have my SO send to the therapist over what happened last weekend.  I want to reach out to the GAL, but I don't feel it is my place.  For the love of god, please, someone hold these people accountable.....

C,

I am writing for an update on how E is doing.  I have also been processing the events of last Thursday and Friday, and hope you can offer some transparency and clarification about these deeply troubling events.  I have some serious questions and concerns about how this all came about as well as the harm that has been done (and is currently ongoing) to my relationship with E.  I would much rather have your direct account to explain why things were handled the way they were.

It is my understanding that E sees you regularly on Mondays and Thursdays at 6pm.  Was she with you for her normal appointment on 3/30/23?  E called me at 6:27pm, from [BM] phone.  This would have been in the middle of her scheduled appointment with you.  I heard someone (assuming BM) in the background during this call.  Who encouraged E to make this phone call, and if it was you, why was I not informed of my potential participation in E’s session?  If this phone call did not occur during her regularly scheduled appointment in your presence, how did it come about that E was with you for the crisis session following?  Why was I not informed immediately that E required crisis care intervention?  You had the opportunity to discuss these disclosures with me, your thoughts and potential solutions before sending your recommendations to all parties involved, but you chose not to.  Why?

With your recommendation (to suspend my placement with E), you have squarely placed yourself in the middle of the ongoing conflict between [BM] and I, which I strongly object to.  In the email dated 1/11/23 between you and I, we discussed how improved E was doing with her sessions.  My relationship with E was the best it has been since the divorce was finalized.  [BM] filed a motion for full custody and to suspend placement time with me on 1/13/23.  E’s mental health has been in a decline since.  E has made many disclosures about things going on in our divorce – things that I have communicated to [BM] and [BM] only.  [BM] is clearly telling E about the current custody issues, and this is clearly hurting E.  Her withdrawn behavior, hesitation to come see me (and/or take my telephone calls), calling me by my first name are painfully obvious signs of alienation.  Was E able to provide a REASON why she would kill herself if she had to see me again?  I find it quite convenient that earlier last week [BM] was informed by the GAL and her attorney that she will not be getting full custody, nor will my placement be suspended.  Do you not see that E is navigating loyalty issues perpetuated by her mother?  E knows not seeing me will hurt me.  She also knows that seeing me will cause displeasure with her mother, who she has to face every day.  E has made plenty of disclosures about her mother’s concerning behavior to me prior to these new court proceedings.  I have no doubt she has made the same disclosures to you.  Your recommendation either knowingly or ignorantly has put gasoline on this fire.  [BM] will use this recommendation to further alienate and harm my relationship with E, a child who has made ZERO disclosures like this before.  It has also taught E that she can threaten self-harm to get what she wants and allows her to escape from her problems.  I believe this knee-jerk reaction recommendation has done more harm than good.

C, I have trusted your professionalism and entrusted you with the well-being of my daughter.  I hope we can work together to do what is right for E, which includes having a healthy relationship with both her parents.  Right now I feel your actions have undermined me as a parent, and has emboldened [BM] to continue her emotional and mental abuse of E. My need for transparency and the truth is what guides my decision making for what is best for E, and I hope you can respect that going forward.