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Should I let this bother me?

BlueDiamond1986's picture

Submitted by BlueDiamond1986 on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 9:28am

So my husband and I coparent and get along with BM and her husband. We have each other on our social media for tagging each other in posts of the kids. There have been times where BM will post and tag us in pics of the kids and my husband will “love” it. I get it, that’s his kids and that’s their mother. Sometimes when I post of us and the kids and tag him, he doesn’t “love” react to it or says he saw it, but didn’t hit the “love” button. I mean should I let this bother me? Sometimes I feel like he needs or has to “love” it because it’s his kids and that’s their mother. Any advice or thoughts? I will say that a lot of times he does react to mine, but not so much when my other family is in it.

Comments

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 9:31am

Put your phone down and actually talk to your spouse.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 9:54am

Seems like big daddio cant publicly declare the love for the "second" family like the first on social media.

I agree with advice given above.

Yes that would bug me. To some this seems so petty, but to you as his wife,  who co parents well with BM, it stings.

We can say get off social media, or say its just social media, but frankly it is more than that.

Seems like DH likes to please the first , you well "its just social media"

Not cool on your DH's part.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 9:58am

If you keep looking for problems to pick at in your life.. you will fine them.  You need to stop this scorekeeping over the most minor of issues in your life.

Does it mean he loves you more.. does it mean he loves you less?  or them more.. or your kids less.. it could be entirely random.. or he could be bending over to make appearances for the public.. 

If this is a grinding question.. ask him directly... or you could stop focusing on things that likely have no significance.

floralsm's picture

Submitted by floralsm on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 10:09am

Definitely talk to your DH if it bothers you. Sounds like this is a trigger for underlying issues IMO from previous q's you post. It's a small thing to get yourself worried and I would speak to a mental health professional to help you gather your thoughts on these issues to see where it all stems from.  

BlueDiamond1986's picture

Submitted by BlueDiamond1986 on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 10:15am

If you got along with BM and were friends, would this bother you? 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 10:27am

No.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Submitted by NotYourAverageS... on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 10:15am

NEVER responds to all the advice given to her. I looked at her blogs and I think I saw one comment back, but that was it. Everyone here is trying to help, but either this user is a bot or posts to vent, but doesn't sound like the comments are actually read.

I personally am done trying to help this user.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 10:22am

This appears to be one more instance where you feel you are in a competition with BM. Your DH may be "loving" BM's posts to maintain the appearance of divorced, but friendly coparents. Ask him.

You asked this same question under your previous account. My advice is that you stop sweating the small stuff and seek therapy. PLEASE! 

BlueDiamond1986's picture

Submitted by BlueDiamond1986 on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 11:13am

What do you mean by "loving BM's posts to maintain the appearance of divorce"? 

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 11:20am

Asks a bot.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 11:25am

I said "...maintain the appearance of divorceD, but friendly coparents."

BlueDiamond1986's picture

Submitted by BlueDiamond1986 on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 12:52pm

Is that a bad thing? For them to be friendly coparents?

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Tue, 02/07/2023 - 1:03pm

this should NOT bother you. You say you are all friendly, on each other's social media, co-parent, etc. So, are you insecure in this mix? Are things being done to make you feel insecure?? If this is only about emojis and Facebook "hearts," then I'd strongly suggest getting into counseling because this is so damn minor in the StepHell world and really points to some serious inner issues you need to address. (speaking from my own experience and years in counseling to improve my own life).

To clarify what Anika was saying, your DH is probably doing the likes on BMs page to show they get along in the after-divorce, co-parenting world. And NO, IT IS NOT BAD THAT THEY ARE FRIENDLY CO-PARENTS. The majority of us would give good money to have such relationships rather than the toxic chaos we deal with in StepHell.

I strongly suggest you find a counselor.