SD's manipulative and narcissistic Christmas email
DH and I married 16 years ago and his 19-year-old daughter started the silent treatment with five years of nothing. The following years saw her visit infrequently and manipulate her dad out of money, and stealing valuables when she house sat a few times. Last year we sold the farm to downsize and move to a town. Also to get away from her. We never heard from SD this year about Christmas so I sent her a cute sweater and t-shirt. We got an email yesterday. It reveals the mind of a 33-year-old female narcissist. It really is unbelievable. I said "wow" after reading it and feeling sick. We don't think a reply or money is warranted. Full quote:
"This place will never be anything compared to what we had in *******. I miss the house and the creek immensely and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about that place. My heart is still shattered losing the land that raised me and my father at the same time. That experience has dug a deep wound inside me that has been unbearably hard to try and heal. I am so very grateful that my mom has supported me more then I could have ever imagined through the most difficult experience I have ever been through. She even paid a $60,000 down payment on this house for me and has been here every week helping me work on the house.
I don't want to sound ungrateful but next time please don't order me anything. I don't need any clothes or more physical possessions. I do need money to work on this house though. I asked everyone this year for Lowe's gift cards for Christmas. We currently have a very extensive list of repairs and maintenance that need to be done here. I of course also have dreams of one day adding a greenhouse to the property to continue to follow my passion of growing plants. That's all I ever wanted to do in ******* was grow plants and maintain the land that raised me.
BF and I are staying focused right now on getting this house and land turned into a homestead that can be sustainable and self sufficient so that we can best support our futures. We are asking everyone who loves us to support us in this monumental task.
I'm glad you guys are happy with your new life. I miss dad very much and I wish he could see this place in real life. Let me know if there is anything y'all can do to help us with the house.
Thanks,
ND"
i just reread her letter and see she is seems to be saying that she lost the property and her father. Again Wow.
Wow. Entitled.
Glad your husband supported having a NEW life with YOU. I can't even imagine what it would have been like to have her living on property we owned. What is it about these step kids that think their daddy's (usually) owe them anything once they have launched and should be self supporting. Yes, having parents that can and do "help" out should be appreciated but, to think you are entitled to it? I notice how she has made it a competition between her mom and dad.
You're off the hook
Look on the bright side, you never have to shop for her again. She is disturbed.
^^^This^^^
Did SD get any gifts for her father and you? I bet not.
So say nothing, drop the rope, and don't even contact her next year.
Wow, the manipulative guilt
Wow, the manipulative guilt trip is just dripping off of that email. Her mother gave her $60,000 towards a down payment huh? Maybe she could've used that money to buy her childhood home that meant so much? No, she expected Daddeee to gift it to her no doubt. She needs to grow up and move on with life. Stuff happens, nothing is forever.
I feel sorry for her kids' future spouses if she has kids and they marry. She'll be the MIL from Hell.
next year $25. gift card for
next year $25. gift card for Lowes..
I read back and it seems like
I read back and it seems like she's recycling her word vomit from past "letters to Dad" .... barf.
Regurgitated yes
I noticed that too. Dad is done for this time. Finally the nightmare seems to be ending.
Wow
As someone said, what an entitled woman. This would be my plan. I would NOT respond to that email. I would make this year's gift the LAST gift I sent. And I would not be doing any communicating with this woman again. Be done.
As a millennial... She is the
As a millennial... She is the reason my generation has they stereotypes we do.
She sounds insufferable, entitled, narcissistic.... The works. The whole homestead thing, the guilt trip, comparison to what mom contributed, both financially and emotionally, oh my God, it even has a watermark. LOL.
I wonder how long she composed his masterpiece.
In short her message was… You suck, send me money.
Smh
Yep
Your summary made me laugh. She is now a no contact. Stick a fork in me.
Ours was "I dont want to see
Ours was "I dont want to see you. You know nothing about my life. You suck. Send me money"
DH's life was a lot better after he dropped the rope and stopped sending money. He's sad that he's LC with her but accepts it's impossible to be more than a wallet.
More common Than I Thought
I'm learning here that there is a pattern with SD's like mine. I was feeling like there was something wrong with me as I am LC with my family. It was awful to have such a shit relationship with SD for 15 years.I am seeing more letters and quotes that are beyond the pale. What do they think it's going to achieve to spew their lack of love or respect? They are just laying their hate out expecting a payday from dad. It took DH a long time to get it, but he finally does. Like your husband, he's done giving her any money.
She can build a greenhouse, a homestead, a b&b
Or whatever else, that is not the family or your responsibility or problem to be responsible for contributing towards.
part of being a grown arse adult is you do grown arse stuff on your own. I was forcibly separated from my husband for over 2 yrs because of Australia's border lockdowns and flight caps during 2020-2022. I was raising 2 very young kids on my own and had just moved into our home. I did the relandscaping and laying of grass, prepping soil, building limestone garden beds with cement, planting veggies, fruits etc all on my own.
yet your sd is expecting everyone contribute financially towards her dreams instead of being responsible for them herself??
my eldest sd was 23 when she reconnected with daddy after disappearing for 5.5 yrs. in that time, me and hubby met, got married and had 2 kids.
the very day she reconnected with hubby, she spewed all the lies and pas of exwife, then had the nerve to lecture my hubby that he was financially responsible for cs indefinitely instead of being independent. At 18, i had a job and was buying my own clothing, toiletries and groceries for home. By 21 i was handling all grocery costs, insurance etc and majority of expenses at home as my parents were retired and i was working fulltime.
my father has alot of respect for me for the person i am.
"I'm glad you guys are happy
"I'm glad you guys are happy with your new life. I miss dad very much and I wish he could see this place in real life. Let me know if there is anything y'all can do to help us with the house."
WTF? This was a direct stab at you, "I miss dad very much," which in my opinion, translates to: you took my dad and I don't like you. And then, to top it off, after being a b&tch throughout the email, she STILL wants money. F*ck her.
What a selfish, manipulative, hateful little b*tch. I'd wash my hands of her. I'd tell DH if he wants to see her, he can see her elsewhere. I would ban her from my home. OMG, that letter seriously p&ssed me off for you! How dare her!
Disengage. You'll be happier.
Disengaged
That letter did it--best Christmas present she could ever give to me. DH and I really feel over it. This is a big change for us to mentally feel the distance and finality. She is a piece of serious work. She says she's in therapy over her broken heart. I'd love to send her therapist copies of her "letters to Dad." You stated what she is so well.
She sounds like the
sort of self-entitled/victim that WOULD start a GoFundMe page. Good for Mommy donating money to the poor youngens that want to start a Homestead. Pathetic, self-entitled, bratty bitch.
Not your problem If you
Not your problem If you wanted to give stepdaughter money toward new house, that's your business. (Personally, we gave Our own - each- BD A down payment. ) His daughter's BM was dead and gave nothing. My daughters BF was bankrupt and gave nothing. His daughter/my SD?
She was happy at the time we gave it to her as was my BD When we gave her money toward her house as well BP gave BC the downpayment.
I hold the mortgage on my BD's House and she will eventually pay it off.I was able to buy it outright. On the other hand, my SD hates this house --We live in where she grew up and wanted nothing to do with it so it is in our Will that it is sold one to one year after we're both gone and the profits split between her and her step sister.however, Now that my DH has died, my SD is bemoaning the fact that "her mother put so much money into this house and how dare I show up when it's paid off and get it. " Bottom line is her mother never worked and never put a penny into this house and the last two years of the mortgage I paid off and I redid our kitchen and bathroom. Anything I wanted in this house I paid for. I also paid.All of the taxes from the time we got married. I have put in as much $$$ in if not more than my husband did. My SD thinks she should get the entire house now even though she would sell it I told her no your dad left it to me and yes, it's a life estate. However, there's also a profit share we put in wills and SD will have to sell it and share the profits. Her theory is that we "got my daughter a better house. " No my daughter wanted that house and we gave her the same down payment and she is buying it from us/as it is buying it for me. My name and my BD daughter are on that deed. This house has my DH myself and as a life estate my SD. I get to live here until I die.
Don't kid yourself. She's gonna pull that BS. For the rest of her life. You sold her childhood home tough . Her mother gave her money fine. It is not a given that you have to give her a penny. Had we want you to pack up and leave here neither girl would have gotten a cent From this house profit. Ignore her.