How do you deal with porn
SS is 15, autistic and ADHD.
I understand kids this age are interested and curious about the other sex, SS however doesn't have any friends (let alone a girlfriend) and doesn't know how to form a relationship, so I don't know how I should see about this habit of his. DH has already talked to him about it, and most of the search engine were set to block adult sites. SS was somehow able to log in with DH's admin account to watch and download porns. (And the password has since been changed, and no, this is not a shared laptop so it isn't my DH using it) SS is not particularly techie but seemed pretty determined to find his way to porn.
Some of his recent search includes "jungle sex slave" and other terms alike.
What would you do? I truly don't know if i should worry or not.
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Everyone has different views
Everyone has different views on this topic, and I respect that. But mine is that porn is dangerous and harmful, particularly to young men. There is a lot of evidence showing how it alters neurological function and can cause a myriad of physical, emotional, and relationship problems later in life. A great resource for scientific (non-religious) information on porn is fightthenewdrug.org.
I go to great lengths to protect my DD from being exposed to porn. That being said, we talk openly about it and why it isn't safe to consume. We talk about how curiosity and sexuality is normal and healthy. It's super important to not shame a kid for viewing porn. The stuff is literally engineered to create an addiction to it and if the kid wasn't prepared for the temptation, it is not their fault. So yeah, I would not let it go. It's such a delicate topic, but I would do whatever it takes to help your SS break the habit before it causes long term damage.
This is what I worry as well,
This is what I worry as well, particularly when SS often has problem differentiating fantasy and reality. If he's only this determined to make sure his hw is turned in on time, would have been wonderful.
Just allegations are enough
Just allegations are enough to destroy someone's future! With SS being autistic I would be very scared he would confuse reality and fantasy... and things could go really wrong, REALLY fast for him.
I know that, DH knows that,
I know that, DH knows that, SS thinks himself quite likable, so I don't know. (Teacher said he sometimes said stuff that provokes others but SS said his classmate told him he's likable)
I don't think he does things maliciously (selfish yes, immature yes, teenage annoying yes, but he had not tried to hurt anyone) but i don't think SS has the same understanding as ours. He's not good at communicating but he himself doesn't know. (Literally I helped him to interpreted what his dad was saying to him so many times but he thinks he was doing that himself...)
100% Agree
I know today's views have kindof changed to an "all sexuality is good and you shouldn't be ashamed and everything/anything should be allowed" but my personal view is this, among other things, will be the downfall of well functioning society.
I know my son will try to view (and will be successful sometimes) porn. But. I will not make it easy or acceptable.
I agree with you.
I agree with you.
I have concerns (and DH too) because the way SS talks, tones and all, a lot of it was a direct copy from shows, movies, or cartoons. I don't have the confidence to say he actually can tell the Fantacy from reality from what is portrayed in porns. That plus he always tries to get more of his way with female authorities in his life. (He argues more with women a lot more than he does with men)
So I don't know. SS seems embarrassed whenever this topic is brought up, and seemed like he understand why it is not good for him, but we keeps going back to square one.
As a developmental stage.... not a bit deal
This is a bit too encompassing though.
IMHO.
For us, SS-30 did have a minor Porn stage at 17yo. He probably continued it beyond getting caught, but... it did not become a consuming thing for him.
Wanting to learn about sex, etc... is perfectly normal. Pre-Web, it was snatch a peak at Playboy or PentHouse when visiting your friend's house. Now, it is on demand short videos catering to whatever may be interesting.
A tougher situation to parent through.