Sad Day

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I will try to make this as short as possible. Remet my bofriend. Over 6 years ago.. (We were high school friends also, now in our 40's).We both went through seperation and remet right after our previous relationship failed.

Situation changes in last 2 years, have a biochild that is now 4, he has 2 kids from 2nd girlfriend that now have a one week on/off schedule, his sonnow 17, from his 1st wife, which lives and had lived his entire life in Virgina with biomom, decides to move in with us in I in 2018 and stays for 2 years without any financial contrbution from bio-mom.

The kids are not the problem, absolutely no complains. I am very patient and they are great kids! Not the issue. The problem.is that my fiancee does not communicate with me. When son came to live with us, I found out when he came to visit one summer and never left!!! My fiancee lost his home, so I purchased a 2nd home not far from my 1st home where my now 25 year old lives... She was 21 when I moved in with my fiancee...... I am very resourceful with my money. So it did NOT sit well with me when son moved in and I was not consulted nor did his biomom pay any child support. Fiancee lost his home andcwhy I purchased a second home or what I thought wouod be "our" family.

But I tolerated it because that is what I do. Fiancee lost his job in Feb, 2020. He is not lazy. I'll get to the point, I DO NOT WANT HIS SON HERE ANYMORE and would like him to not return from his visiting his biomom for the summer! This has caused a storm!!!!!! He is angry!!! Of course he called me a lot of hurtful names.... I thought son would live upon graduating HS.. Not the case, college plans, again all just assumed without me!!!! I think that lack of acknowledging me and not taking me into consideration is what flipped tha switch! I have become angry and resentful. I mention the fact that I to have grown kids and have chosen to make them my priority as he has made his....... Am I wrong???

Are you wrong to demand a say

Are you wrong to demand a say in who lives in your home? No, not at all. How would he feel if you just let your 25-year-old move in without even consulting him?

Not sure why you haven't gotten married yet, but I'd suggest you don't until this can be worked out.

Given both are my houses, I

Given both are my houses, I do not feel that I need to consult with him!!! But obviously I am not ignorant and always try to share and communicate with my significant other as I feel this is what a strong relationship should consist of..... He says that he woukd never do this to me nor deny my kids live with us..... Ummm we are not a traditional family..... I have 3 kids, he has 4.... One is out of state college..... The son that is coming back for HS... The other two are on a week on/off schedule, so doable.... I love the week they leave because I can do as I please!!! Nothing personal with the kids at all!!! So having his son from out of state biomom here 24/7 is not what I wanted! Ugh... He grew up with biomom, came to visit summer of 2018 and never left!!!!!!!

Well, no matter who owns the

Well, no matter who owns the homes, in a partnership I think people need to consult each other about someone living in the home full-time.

Time to point out to SO that there is no living with us.

THere is only living with you. SO mooches housing from you. If YOU want YOUR kids to live with YOU in one or both homes that YOU own, it is entirely up to YOU.

As is SO adn his spawn living with YOU.

This guy needs some clarity. You need to provide him with that clarity. Tome for SS to leave and if daddy whines about it, he can leave too.

smh

Of course you're not wrong!

Of course you're not wrong! Was your bf at least paying 2/3 of all the bills while his son was mooching?

As your bf is not happy with the situation, I'd kick the pair of them out and let them fend for themselves. The home is yours to do what you will with and you absolutely have the last word in who lives there!

He pays all the utilities for

He pays all the utilities for house #2, minus the mortgage. He paid a few times, but mostly me as I know his finacial situation and I did pay off my home #1.... I see it as a savings as I can sell the home and get my money back and a way of helping him...

Well, his kid flying in today.. I am so upset! Not the kid's fault, but I plan on disappearing the whole cday....do not want to be in my own home, #2.. What I am doing now, packing a few things going to home #1....

I think this is one time that

I think this is one time that you should be through... tell the kid that he is not staying beyond a week.. This is your home and you have every right to make unilateral decisions about who gets to live there. Stand up for what you want!

I feel bad to address the son

I feel bad to address the son/17... Like I said it is nothing personal.... Biomom knows the father is not working and still sends him back..... Why bio mom agreed to pay monthly child support now, kid has been with us for 2 years, now she wants to pay??? And this bec I put my foot down!!!!

I am.upset with my fiancee, not disvussing any further. I was very clear about what I want!!!! But I appreciate, hearing that I am entitled to feel the way that I do!!!! Ty

He hasn't worked since

He hasn't worked since FEBRUARY?

I mean, I know "covid"....but still. Nothing yet??? Plenty of companies are hiring.

I would be feeling very very used.

He's probably getting

He's probably getting unemployment, which is a very generious amount right now (provided they are in the US). He should still be able to help a lot with bills if so.

If I am not mistaken, the

If I am not mistaken, the additional federal unemployment bump has now expired. Generous unemployment or not, he should have been trying to secure employment.

But yes, he should have been helping in any way possible financially, especially since he brought his son in to her home without even discussing it.

Sorry to say OP, but you would be better off emotionally and financially without this guy and his nearly adult son.

Agreed, but the fact that he

Agreed, but the fact that he doesn't have a job doesn't mean he had no income. She also doesn't say he wasn't looking for one.

Depending where he lives, it may be hard to find a job. The unemployment numbers aren't high for no reason - many jobs have been lost.

The federal unemployment expired yesterday.

I do think that throwing

I do think that throwing someone out of their home with little to no notice is not particularly fair. So I feel that informing your SS's dad while the ss is away that his son is not to return is too short notice for everyone.

Having said that your fiance has unilaterally made decisions that directly affect you without consulting you either in the past.

Communication is not a strong point for you two I am guessing. I would see a marriage therapist together to work on your collective communication skills.

If your fiance is willing to work with you on communication then in your position I might be willing to compromise and allow his son a short time frame to transition to living elsewhere so that he has time to either find a job and an appartment local to you or to move to his mother's house. Anywhere from 2 to 6 months would seem reasonable to me, though most tenant laws give tenants only 30 days notice and could also be aruged as being resonable.

If your fiance is not willing to compromise and insists on having his son stay with him, then you have some tough decisions to make.

So your fiance decided to let

So your fiance decided to let someone live in your house without discussing it with you. Imagine if you flipped it around and decided who doesn't get to live in your house without discussing it with him. But it's your house and you get the final say. Your relationship may not survive kicking his son out but it probably won't survive him staying uninvited either. If attempts to talk it out ends up with him verbally abusing you and guilt trips to get his way then time to have a serious think about whether fiance is husband material.

What a bunch of moochers.

What a bunch of moochers. First it's bad enough your not protected in any way because your not married. Secondly, you are the one who is buying the homes EVERYONE is living in.

It's up to you to hit the reset button.

Make a statement. Your homes are no longer halfway homes for adult kids. By September 1, everyone is out. OR they sign a binding contract that is a renters agreement. Costs for rent, utilities, cable, water and renters rules while they live in YOUR home. With that contract comes your option to evict.

You said your boyfriend was mad.....? He has no say in property he is not part owner of.

At first glance---all of them are mooching off of you and you allowed it..

Maybe there is more to the story.

I hope they start to respect you since you are providing a free roof over their heads. I suspect you will have to demand that one way or another.

Time can help

Fast forwarding to 10/2022.... Eldest felt "umcomfortable" here.... She sides with out of state mom in that, Why is dad asking her mommy for money, child support?" Ummm cuz she lived with daddy for over 3 years!!!! She is now launched!

The sibling/bestie got upset with dad because she feels it is his fault her sis left!! She no longer had interest in being here. Selfish only here for many reasons and being with her dad was not one of them! She also launched and lives with her biomom!!!

So our family decreased and less drama almost non existent!!! Love it!!!!!!!

New chapter.... Momma wants college expense contributions!! Lol So she claimed as a moment of madness in court when judge gave it to her hard!! He scolded her like the little spoiled tantrum brattbthat she is ....

No problem paying college for a kid that doesn't care for or respect her dad, but mom is a money hungry, ibroke, wanting everyone to support her instead of being independent. As broke that she is her daughter got a free FAFSA ride!!!!! Lol NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE TO....