I am having a real hard time ‘liking’ my stepson, I have been with my partner just over 2 years and he has 2 kids, while I have none of my own. I love him and his daughter (9) so much, sure she has off days, but she’s a kid. However, when it comes to his son (4), I can honestly say that I feel absolutely zero affection towards him what so ever, but let me try and explain why. 

He has major behavioural issues, to the point where his mother is having him tested for underlying issues. He is almost 5 and cannot talk properly and shows attention seeking behaviours that just drive me insane! He ruins absolutely everything for his sister, he smashed her TV to pieces because she threw a remote at him (yes he was provoked but how the hell is that a logical response!?), jumps on her iPad to smash the screen so she can’t use it, is trouble at dinner times (eats like a pig on purpose, takes far too long to eat anything to the point that we have to schedule in about 2.5 hours for him to eat his dinner, pretends to choke and gag on his food - when he is clearly not choking), wakes up stupidly early then goes into his sisters room to wake her up which then means they are then waking us up - I know this comes across as selfish but it’s my weekend too… I don’t want to be awake at 5am after getting up at that time all week, he smacks and hits his sister and his mom - although doesn’t do it at our house, says hi to me when I walk into a room (sounds absolutely stupid writing this out, but when you hear ‘Hi Gemma’ 20,000 times a day… you’ll be tired of it too), can’t dress him self or purposely dresses himself wrong for attention, instead of asking questions like ‘can you help me please?’ Or ‘can I have something to eat please?’ He will sit and cry, or make such a big deal out of the activity… all of these actions make me feel so angry all the time, to the point that on the weekends we have the children, I am wound up about him coming and then I spend the next 2-3 days wound up like a coiled spring and I am taking this anger out on him, my partner and his daughter, it’s causing a rift in my relationship with them, but I just don’t know how to change my feelings towards him. 

Can I just say, my partner has not exactly helped with this. Once we moved in together, I more or less became the main parent, washing, cleaning, bath time, bed time, getting up with the kids, cooking etc. things are getting better and he is starting to help more as I broke down one Sunday and his daughter told her mom who then called my partner to discuss this with him. Which I am grateful for as we had a very open and frank conversation which resulted in him changing things around. 

I am also aware that his son is a kid and I as the adult shouldn’t feel this way towards him. I should love him and should feel the same affection I do towards my partners daughter. But I just don’t. When I think of him or the thought of him coming for the weekend I’m just filled with absolute rage and frustration. I’m reaching out as I want advice on how to change my way of thinking or strategies to help with these attention seeking behaviours, because I just can’t go on like this.