Im back and should of listened
You can go back and read my first post.... i was going to break it off and leave but didnt. I regret it so much. Things have only gotten worse. He no longer sleeps in our bed, thats about the only positive thing after 2 years. Still pisses all over the toliet and wall and floor. He doesnt wash his hands, the walls and door knobs, fridge basically everything he touches. Hes up my ass non stop, i cant do anything outside without him literally on top of me. Hes tearing my house i worked so hard renovating over the past two years. He carved his name into the brick on the side of the house, he grinded down the brick on the stairs with his scooter. Everytime i get frustrated and finally say something, His mom just makes excuses.. like he doesnt mean too.... hes only 7... blah blah. He constantly talks back to her.
My biggest eye opener is this... he constantly lies about me. He was riding his hoverboard in the garage, even after me and his mom telling him not to everyday. He runs into the wall and paint cans and breaks his elbow. He says i pushed him... now i was standing in the garage when it happened. He will run into me in the house and fall down and scream and cry and say i pushed him. He recently starting hitting me... kicking me or just walk right up to me and stomp on my feet. Last night he stomped on my little pinky toe and i know hes a little kid... but it fucking hurt, in the momemt i balled my fist and almost just lashed out but didnt. Again hes just a kid blah blah...says mom. Im worried something will happen, he say i did something and ill find myself in legal trouble.
I find is extremely hard to end things, i have tried a twice in the past and she always reels me back in with things will change. Everytime i bring anything up about her perfect angle, she gets defensive and angry. Saying i just dont like him or i dony understand. I dont have to have a child myself to know this is not acceptable behavior. Disengaging has seemed to work. I ignore him the second i come home until he goes to bed.. which is when he says so not his mom...
I know this sounds horrible but i feel safe saying it here... I ABSOLUTLY HATE HIM, IM HONESTLY JUSY DISGUSTED BY HIM. That makes me feel horrible yet happy at the same time
Own the home? Put it up for
Own the home? Put it up for sale. Move out, stop paying for them, there is so much you can do. Go to www.shrink4men and get some ideas on how to get out, and to learn how you are being manipulated.
I own it
The house and everything other then her suv is in my name... I pay the bills. She only pays the groceies and power.
I'll be honest: you need to
I'll be honest: you need to end this situation before he ends up putting you in jail w/ his lies.
That is my biggest concern
That is my biggest concern
And we are not married...
And we are not married... even thought she keeps pushing for it.. she would be the type of person that i would need a police officer there when it happens. I know she would just flip out probably have her crazy brothers show up starting crap etc
Sounds like it's past time to
Sounds like it's past time to call a police officer and get her out.
Im right though? Its okay to
Im right though? Its okay to feel this way... everyone at work disagrees but they either have no children or have children of their own not step so i feel like they cant relate
you should not have to live
you should not have to live in a war zone and that's what happening right now. I know you worry about her being mad but you really have to put your safety first and this kid is not going to get better, he's going to get worse.
Hes clearly getting worse...
Hes clearly getting worse... no argument there and i dont want to be there whens older and worse
You NEED to break it off
You NEED to break it off before you end up in serious trouble. Also, be oh so careful about an "entrapment pregnancy". Seriously, NO RELATIONS.
While you are not married, I would still seek the advice of a divorce attorney as they are accustomed to dealing with toxic family bs. Given all the lies this kid tells about you, when there are actual injuries, you are in a very risky position.
Perhaps your first step should be getting cameras. Security systems are becoming a lot more popular, so it shouldn't be too "startling" for her. In the garage, in the house, outdoors.
Likely the attorney will advise you to formally evict her. Whatever is the standard minimum time. Do not let her talk you into "one more month" or whatever the hell she cries for. She is only paying for groceries and power. If she doesn't have money banked, that is her damn problem to figure out.
Given the kid's destructive behavior and her likely rage at being broke up with and evicted, I don't know that I would move out during the eviction period - and hopefully the cameras will keep you safe.... but do you have a female relative that could stay with you during that time (if you have extra space)?
I feel for you - it is a lot harder to end a relationship when one person doesn't want to than it should be - which further proves the correct decision!
Keep posting - we are here to support and offer advice!
I do have the ring cameras
I do have the ring cameras but unfortuntly not inside the home or garage so it didnt captute the accident. This accident happened about 6 months ago, she knows i didnt do anything but if i tell her i want to end things, i feel like she may flip her story. The last 6 months i try to not engage in relations but she literally pulls my cloths off and i feel forced. I love this home, the location and everything is just perfect. I wouldnt have to sell but her brother is 4 houses down from me. Sometimes i just feel so hopeless, talking to friends or co workers only make me feel worse. Like no matter what, im the bad guy. Like fuck me for feeling like this
Abusive females just are not
Abusive females just are not accepted in society. It's getting better but still not where it should be. I can't see how you can stay there with her brother so close. Sell the place before he destroys it. I'm serious when I say get on shrink4men.com. She has a Facebook group and I believe she coaches men too. You are dealing with batshit crazy and her minion. You will need support and solid guidance recovering from this traumatic relationship. Friends won't get it. We get here. You have to love yourself to find the power to leave.
I mean... so what her brother
I mean... so what her brother is 4 houses down? Is he seriously going to pitch a bitch if you break up with his sister? Do you feel like he can't be an adult about it? What's he going to do? "Beat you up"? "Talk crap in the neighborhood"?
How freaking high-school would that be? He's a dick cuz....he broke up with my sister!
Another reason to get the outdoor cameras in place.
It is all on you to do something about it.
So do something about it.
This failed mother, failed mate, failed woman and her shallow and polluted gene pool have to go.
Go talk to an attorney
Go talk to an attorney immediately. Don't be out of sight of the cameras around this kid. He is dangerous. And like another poster said, he'll end up getting you arrested.
And another poster mentioned entrapment pregnancy - so true. And even if she says she's on birth control, blahblahblah... I'm female and I can tell you - women lie. Especially desperate women.
Please be careful and for goodness sake, don't marry her! Start making a plan to get out. It will only get worse as you have seen.
Please take care of yourself! Keep us posted!
Im off all next week and im
Im off all next week and im going to start the process monday.. finally putting myself first for once. Thanks for the advice and assuring me that its okay to walk away. Ill keep you guys posted
One of my sons was in a similar sit.
Situation. First time kid accused him, kid was given a pass. Second time it happens my son went home, packed a bag and left. I had reiterated to him after the first time that he cannot allow a false accusation to fly. They patched things up and it's hasn't happened since. I still wish he hadn't reconciled though lol
I understand its tough and hard to make that decision to leave
After all that time energy and effort you invested but you need to ask yourself, "what return on investment have i gotten back?"
you have a skid making false abuse allegations and right now his mum knows its lies and attention seeking but it won't be when she realizes the relationship is ending and goes into vindictive ex mode because she'll be on her own figuring out how to survive putting a roof over her heads.
the moment you are no longer receiving a return on your investment into this relationship, the moment there is no longer a quality of life and harmony at home and she makes no effort to address this immediately, you need to walk away.
you are wasting precious time on people who do not deserve it.
even when my husband had enough the year before he finally filed for separation and divorce, he refused to be intimate. Sex is a release for him but he wasn't desperate enough to have sex with her. Nothing about the exwife was appealing anymore and she was deadweight
your partner and her kid are deadweight no longer adding to your quality of life. The relationship needs to end
I wanted to give it a good
I wanted to give it a good try and I did, as being someone who was raised in a blended family, I really tried. My bio was never around, I never knew him and my bio mom married my stepdad( sadly he passed a few years back) and he was my dad. I called him that, he raised me as his own. I also wasn't a little shit growing up though, my mother disciplined me, spanked me. He never did but I also respected that man so much because he did so much for me and ill be forever grateful for that
I get that and some skids are really appreciative of a
Stepparent who stepped up when their absent bio didn't or because their bio parent died when young.
some bio parents have basic standards and expectations but sadly today, not everyone operates with our childhood mindset.
you tried, you gave so many opportunities and what you expect and require is reasonable and if your partner respected and valued you, she would have nipped this in the butt. She chose not to. Thats on her.
It took my fil to tell my husband to ditch his exwife for him to leave her. We've been married almost 8 yrs now, we had our rough patch around yrs 3 & 4, it's gotten much better but we both are working mutually to a better future inclusive of one another, yours isn't!! she's encouraging and allowing this bad behaviour to continue. Thats the big difference
I actually have a friend who divorced her husband when her 2 daughters were 1 & 4. Their stepdad never had kids because exwife couldn't get pregnant. He has raised those sd's as his and he is very well off. Their bio dad refused to be financially responsible to his exwife even when married.
when she married her current husband the exhusband couldn't stand it and every yr takes her to court to claim she owes him $60,000 cs despite she having sole custody of kids. He claims she married a rich guy and she owes him now.
every yr like clockwork she is harassed in court by her ex. The stepdad raises those kids as his own. All those years you spent with your current partner, what has really changed? Nothing much
Even in a situation that is un-recoverable, it is hard to pull
the plug. But don't wait one second longer.
Even in my first marriage which was nearly entirely emotionally abusive and physically aggressively neglectful from my maritally frigid XW toward me, I hesitated, several times.
When she dropped the D word, I ran with it. WHen she cried that I was not fighting for her, I still ran. Once she broke the seal by telling me she wanted a divorce, I was out and I worked my ass off to make out happen as quickly as I could. I never reached out to her after the dirvorce was final though she reached out to me periodically over hte next 3+ years. She waffled between trying to use me as her confidant "you are my best friend and know me better than anyone", and ranting at me over some bullshit or another. "You got a new car while we were married, I didn't. You owe me a new car." To which I replied "When we married I had 3 cars. Now I only have one. You owe me two cars. Because I am a nice guy I will drop one of the two you owe me off and you can just buy me one more and consider the other one you owe me my gift of a new car to you."
The last contact I had with her was when I handed her her ass over the sale of our jointly owned home. She attempted to intimidate me through her lawyer to pay her for the 3 years she lived in MY home while not paying rent. Their justifcation was that she had paid the mortgage payment without help from me. I rolled out the divorce decree where the Judge specifically listed property allocated to each of us indivicually then stated "All other property allocated for ownership as possessed." SHe left, I possessed the house. It was mine.
She lost her shit when I replied that I would accept her offer and told them how much they owed me with their offer. They demanded that I pay them the mortgage payment less fair market rental value of the property for the duration of her occupancy of MY house. That ended up being a negative number. SInce I could not owe them negative dollars, they owed that amount to me. Their lawyer STFU when I pointed that out. The motivator for their pushing me was that she wanted to sell the house without paying me anything. Between the Judges assigning the home as possessed (at the time of the divorce) and their idiot math move her geriatric Fortune 500 Executive Sugar/Baby daddy ended up cutting me a check for about 75% of the profits of the sale of the home. I could have gotten 100% but... I did not have the funds to fight it out in court. So, I took his geriatric cheat daddy breeder money and happily moved on.
That was the last I heard from her.
Buh-bye you cavern crotched cheat breeding skank whore. Buh-bye and good riddance.
TIme for you to move on. Though our situations are different, I understand that leaving is hard. But leaving a situation that is untennable and not healthy or happy for you, is phenominally freeing.
Enjoy your new life adventure.
Next stop is false criminal
Next stop is false criminal allegations against you. Narcissists are great at making up false allegations including false criminal and stalking allegations. Do you think she is going to side with you or her kid? My guess is not you. Get out now. Protect yourself. Trust me on this.
you need to be strong and
you need to be strong and break this off. i was in a similar situation to you except it esculated way worse. the kid was so vindictive , carving graffiti on my house , stealing , lying , slashing stuff in my house with chefs knives and the list goes on. I would get the same defensive responses from the brats father,, he would say 'hes only a kid' blah blah blah!! I caught the kid who was 12 at the time , going to throw a rock at my head because i caught him throwing them at cars driving past. It only gets worse when you have a bio parent that makes excuses or simply doesnt want to know about it. the kid is 15 now and already expelled from high school in the first year for breaking another kids nose. i had them move out of my house when SS was 12,, i continued an on and off again relationship with the dad for another 2 years living seperately as i couldnt seem to let go of him ,,,it only got worse. break away from it now . You will always hurt for as long as your with her, but you will only hurt for a short time when your not with her
Please Don’t Trust Mother or Son…
The fact that your "Girlfriend" turns her blind eye to the Truth against you - What the actual Hell? Tell her brother to come get both of them... If he has any balls - he knows what his sister and nephew are - and is grateful you have been the Cowboy riding their Rodeo... Time for Brother to Saddle Up!! Giddy Up and Get the Devil Out of Your House!! What are you waiting for? Do not leave your own house for any reason. Pack their crap and change the locks. Don't Be the Victim in your own life.
It has been a week. Have you filed for divorce and evicted them
yet?
If not, why not?
This kid is destroying your home, setting you up to lose everything including your freedom, his mother is such a failed parent, woman, and partner that she is serving you up as a sactrifce to her failed family progeny.
Take care of you, move on.
NOW! Before you end up in prison and on the sexual/child predator list due to the lies this kid spews. Sadly this may be the evlolutionary direction this is heading in.
I met with my attorney first
I met with my attorney first and explained everything. They are both gone and it's been about a month since she got the last of her stuff/ since I seen them. Of course it was ugly, she flipped out yell and broke some things in the house and then switched to crying and begging. I didn't give in. I thought she stay the whole eviction process but she finally packed up everything after a week. I left and stayed with my mother during that time. My lawyer advised me to not be alone around either of them so I figured that was the best route. I can not explain how happy I am. I mean it sucks losing her but GOD I HATED THAT KID SOOO FUCKING MUCH. He's going to be the worse when he grows up. My word of advice is to stay away from women with kids. First and last one for me guys..
Congratulations!!!!!
I told my cousin who is my age the same thing - shes dating and I detailed all the red flags and she asked "even if they are grown and out of the house?"
Another congratulations!
Good for you getting an attorney and handling the end so well. You were in a situation that was only going to get worse and what you were living with was beyone awful. You saved yourself and that is what life comes down to at times. Moving forward with your eyes open is okay. That was one amazingly rotten kid and at seven--wow.
I'm proud of you for saving
I'm proud of you for saving yourself - you'll be happier in the end, I promise. I know it's hard to end it - I went through the same thing recently. But, I'm happier ..... You will be too.
And yes to avoiding anyone with kids. I'm not dating right now because it's too soon but I probably won't date again because I REFUSE to date any guy with kids. And at my age, that's pretty much every guy so.... it's okay though because being alone is WAY better than dealing with someone's crotch goblins.
Take care of yourself!