I did it!
I had given SO a month from his big sporting event to show progress in parenting SD13 or I'd be done. We're not at a month and there WAS progress but we're done anyway because last night he admitted he's been offered ANOTHER sporting opportunity and wanted to do it.
For 8 months I came last - it was training, SD, his mother, work then me. We had many arguments over it. We had just begun to heal - literally Friday was the first time I've felt "normal" - and now this. I know that all progress with SD will stop while he focuses on his sport and he will again have no time for me so I'm standing by my principles!
And I actually feel relieved! When he told me my stomach knotted up but after talking for a bit and I made my decision, I felt so much better. I guess my gut has been telling me to leave for a while and I was just being stubborn!
Yeah, it doesn't sound like
Yeah, it doesn't sound like he is the guy for you, you just needed that extra sign/push.
That relief you feel says a
That relief you feel says a whole lot! Sure, there will be sad days, but not forever. It will feel SO GOOD to be on your own. You can put yourself first and nobody will be in your way!
Have you told him? How did he react?
Be careful of the second wave.
Whether it's your own self-doubts or his, just keep to your decision that this is not a healthy relationship for you. Don't be swayed by his potential efforts to woo you back.
Good for you
You deserve better. And I think if your strong enough to put yourself first - you'll find it, eventually. Leave the mess behind.
He knows
We were talking about how it might work and the boundaries I'd need. Then I decided that I wouldn't be happy so I told him immediately. He keeps saying he might not do the event but he'd only wind up resentful about missing the opportunity so I'm not having a bar of that!
He will only be saying he may
He will only be saying he may not do the event until you change you mind and stay,, then the cycle repeats. My exDH was like that too. I would literally end up begging to come first ,,, or even second at that point, but it would only last a month or two. One day i made the decision it was either all or nothing from him. He wouldnt give me his all ,, so i chose nothing from him ,,,and i felt so relieved once i made that choice and stuck by it! I was sad for a little while but nowhere near how hurt i felt all the time being at the bottom of someones choices,,,,,and thats the key word here,,,CHOICE. Everything is a choice and he continuously chooses everything else over you. Now all the choices belong to you !!! go your own way
I'm not changing my mind.
I'm not changing my mind. Even if he doesn't do the event, I'm having this break - which in all likelihood is a break up. He has made a choice even if he thinks he isn't sure yet. He chose to investigate the option so that tells me where I stand. We had five days where I actually felt important and for one of those he'd already started this process. Yes, it hurts. But I've dealt with worse!
Quit dicking around with this dipshit and file.
NOW!
Ultimatums and time lines tend to be little more than a waste of more of your life.
Take care of you.
Good luck and enjoy your new dipshit free life adventure.
No filing necessary. We weren
No filing necessary. We weren't married. Not even two years into the relationship!
He keeps saying he might not
He keeps saying he might not do the event
It's not just about this event, though, it's everything. Stay strong.
You feel second/ third/ fourth
Because you are. You gave him a choice, you or his sports. He made his choice. You make yours. Good kuck in your new life
DH does a particular sport
DH does a particular sport and gets really really sucked into it sometimes. A few years ago I had to have a discussion with him because he'd be gone either training or at an event all.the.time. I would be taking care of literally everything, including the SDs at times. NOPE. We talked about how he knew men whose wives filed for divorce because of the sport. YES DH - here's why....
He did reel it in. He's been talking about doing another branch of the sport, which would likely require some travel. I told him I'm not feeling it, esp. if I'm not involved (it's something even I'd like to do if I could) and he would be away more often. He's aware of my feelings and is taking them into consideration and the discussion continues. If he didn't, then no, I won't be a single person with a big house and all the responsibility of it all only on me.