Money for nothing
I've posted on here before about the problems with my SD and my wife's attitude towards me regarding parenting my SD. Multiple issues and problems, lots of gaslighting by my wife towards me(due to my frustration with my SD - my wife is her BM), all sorts of things. One issue has come up recently and it has me at my wit's end.
My SD is 17 and does no chores at our home - none. She won't pick up after herself, doesn't do the dishes, empty trash, clean up her room, nothing. In fact, it's worse than nothing, because I'm the one who has to do the clean-up and everything else. We have pets too, but my SD won't care for them at all. She just refuses to do chores, and my wife won't "make" her do chores. In fact, this was discussed in marriage counseling with my wife. Our counselor was floored, but my wife absolutely refused to make her daughter do chores around the house. My SD is 17 years old, but our 9 year old daughter DOES do chores around the house - and is a huge helper.
Okay, so yes that's a problem. But the bigger problem, in my opinion, is the following: My wife transfers money to my SD's checking account 2-3 times per month. This can be anywhere between $100-$200 PER transfer! My SD uses the money for gasoline for her car(that was paid for by us), to get restaurant food(averages $25 per purchase), go to the movies, get things she wants, etc. This adds up to about $300 to $500 per month. My SD has a part-time job, but she won't spend that money because she wants to save it for college. So, we're subsidizing her "fun" money. The problem though is that she doesn't work to get it. She does NO chores at home at all, and won't/refuses to help out in any way. Yard work, housecleaning, everything - she won't do it. She won't even help us decorate the house for holidays like Christmas or Halloween - she just sits in her chair staring at her phone while the three of us(her mom, myself and our youngest) decorate everything. This has gone on for the past few years.
I've told my wife that this needs to stop immediately. We are bleeding money to an ungrateful and priviledged girl who thinks she can get whatever she wants. I have tried - for YEARS - to get her to work around the house, to help, to do anything to assist with things going on at home. She won't - and her mom won't make her. And at this point, she's actually making money by doing nothing. I'm at my wit's end with this issue. My wife won't budge. I look at that $300-$500 per month and I think it could be better utilized by putting it in the college education fund or something else. My wife disagrees. The money continues to flow out of our account and into my SD's account.
When I was a teenager, we had to work to get money. I mowed lawns, babysat, housesat, did chores around the house, did all sorts of yardwork for neighbors - anything possible. Then, got an actual job at a fast food restaurant - in addition to all the other stuff - in order to make money. The money was used to get gas, maybe go to the movies once every other month, pay for my beat up old truck, etc. My parents would never "give" me money unless I worked or did something around the house or for the house/family. My SD, she doesn't understand that concept at all. When I brought it up to her, she threw a massive fit and cried to her mom - who then ended up yelling at me for making SD cry.
Do your step kids do chores around your house? Do you "make" them help out? Or do they just not help? How are things done nowadays - do kids just "get" money for doing nothing? I feel like I'm either totally out of the loop, or this is a problem situation.
If it's your wife's money..
If it's your wife's money.. tbh.. she gets to parent "her" child and spend "her" money as she sees fit.
If it's YOUR money? separate finances immediately and do not allow her any access to joint funds.. require her to pay her share of all bills.. and what is left? she can spend as she wants. a gucci bag for herself or spoilng her almost adult daughter.
Yes, this money is coming
Yes, this money is coming from our joint checking account that we share. We have our "own" accounts too, for various things. But this comes out of our joint account. Not great - and it should be coming out of "her" account, not ours, just like you said.
Then DO something about it!
Then DO something about it! Her daughter's play money should be coming out of HER pocket, not the household finances! DAMMIT man!
This is no longer a DW or SD
This is no longer a DW or SD problem, it's now a you problem. You can stop the money going to SD and make DW give her money from her own account but you are choosing not to.
I get that it will cause a ruckus, DW will be upset and there will be a fight. You have to decide if it's worth it.
SD is not going to do chores, you cannot make her. DW is not going to stop giving SD money, you cannot stop her.
You cannot control other people and thier actions, you can only control yourself and your reactions. So, control what you can and stop complaining that you have no control.
I don't make SD do chores
I don't make SD do chores because she's not here enough for it. I do make her clean up after herself, she's gotten worse about this since getting older for some reason. Usually I tell DH to remind her and he will, or he'll clean up himself if he's too much of a wuss. Either way it gets done.
I would start giving your 9 year old an allowance. I wonder if your wife will have a problem with it. Or you can start a savings account for her and deposit a few hundred bucks a month. This would leave less fun money for SD to waste and it's only fair that both kids get money.
This is quite a problem here
This is quite a problem here at our home. The allowance I give our youngest is that she is able to pick out a toy every so often from one of our local stores. Not an expensive toy, something small. My daughter loves it, she is thrilled every time we are able to do something along these lines. But my wife doesn't like it at all. She feels like it clutters the house with more "stuff". So I've been thinking about starting an account for our youngest, so she'll have her own money when she gets older. Doesn't mean anything to her now, but it might when she's 16, etc.
When my ss was that age we just had our daughter
Hubby tried to get him to do chores and he would claim he suffered from "imaginary stress syndrome" and hubby caved into this bullshit.
i simply told hubby xyz what needed to be done. That he was smart and educated enough and not blind to see what needed to be done. Things like dorty clothes in laundry basket, pop it in laundry or sometimes laundry been done but i just didn't get around to hanging it as dealing with a newborn etc. just hang the laundry etc.
i figured since my husband didn't have the balls to address this firmly with ss, eventually hubby would have a hectic day at work, come home knowing i have been full on with our baby and ss has been a lazy shit and hubby would snap.
that glorious day took about 1.5 yrs and ss just stared at my husband in shock. Next day his phone was bombarded with "have you emptied the trash and cleaned the cat litter" from memory about 25-30 messages with that message sent as hubby sent a message every 15 mins or so.
ss could have avoided that if he just did it. Ss is now 24 and has come a long way.
Your wife is withdrawing these funds from your joint acct, end that immediately and have your pay entering another acct and like above poster said, ensure she covers her portion of bills including the extra for her entitled privileged daughter as its not fair she expects you to cover that
I always wondered if the
I always wondered if the breaking point would ever happen to my wife. It never did. She just doesn't care about it. Feels like it's not important at all. So the house remains messy. That makes me feel and wonder if it's just me - that I'm the one with the problem because I want a clean house, so I clean it. I just find that when it's messy, everything is messy - including thoughts and feelings. Still......I wonder.
Also.. why does your wife not
Also.. why does your wife not do any of the clean up? why is it all up to you? THAT would stop as well.. her daughter's mess? she can clean it up..
Also... you could also "dissappear" her daughter's things that are left in dissaray.. just clean it and hide/toss the daughter's things.. oh.. I don't know.. prob should be careful to put your stuff away sweety
reread
His previous post explains it all, ugh.
I went back and skimmed it..
I went back and skimmed it.. I still don't understand why HE is doing it. I get that her mom is refusing to make HER do it.. but why is HE doing it? if I missed something central can you just spoon feed it to me..lol?
He works at home
And its "easier" for him to do it.
LOL. Anytime ESMOD
If he works at home.. that's
If he works at home.. that's fine... but he "works" so it's not like he has unlimited time to clean up. I might think about just cleaning around his SD's mess.
It's one thing for her mom to let her off the hook for cleaning.. another to push it on HIM. He needs to put his foot down.. perhaps even tell his wife.. that SHE is more than welcome to take over cleaning because he will be stepping way back from that..
Ok...heres my take on this
Go back and re-read your previous post. *** People responding/commenting - go back and read his previous post, all the comments and all his responses. OP - you keep blaming your SD, and focusing all your energy on SD, but I still think you have a wife problem.
What has changed since the last one? It sounds like
Nothing has changed and (B) its gotten WORSE.
To answer your question - SD16 has no job and does a few chores, but also doesnt get an allowance. If she does something extra she gets money for that something extra she wants to do/have, within reason. YES YOU HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM. A wife problem.
Here are some suggestions: If you havent already, can you separate finances? Where if its HER money and all bills are covered and there is a retirement account then she can do what she wants with HER money and you do not stress oer it? If your finances are already seprated, then there are a few other things you can do. Take your $$$ and take you and your kiddo on a vacation. Oh Wife cant afford to pay her own way? Oh so sorry, maybe stop giving so much cashola to bratty horrible spawn SD. Ugh, re-reading your previous post really got under my skin today.
Lucky for you only a few more years of her mooching, horrible demeaning demanding behavior
Two issues here: chores and
Two issues here: chores and money.
Chores: How does your wife think SD will function as an adult, living on her own, if she doesn't know how to mop a floor, clean a bathtub, cook a meal, scrub a pan, etc.? Or, will your SD live with you, her servants, forever? Sounds like she has a pretty good deal going there -- no work and she's handed spending money. Anyway, your wife is HARMING her child by not preparing her for real adulthood. Your wife must be getting something out of it -- codependency, emotional crutch, control, something. What did your marriage counselor say about it?
Money: Is your household budget healthy enough to support the $300-$500 month for SD? Meaning, are you free of credit card debt and consumer loans? Emergency savings topped up? Retirement planning in good shape? If so, it's still an irritation but not a hardship. If not, then SD's wants are coming before your household's needs. And, again, your wife is robbing her daughter of the experience of working toward and accomplishing a goal, becoming self-sufficient, and learning how to handle money. Why?
She won't pick up after herself, turn her room into the trash
bin for the whole house, All of the trash, piled in her room for either she or her mother to deal with. Rotting kitchen waste and all. Also inform your wife that if her daughter will not do chores, neither will your daughter and neither will you since your young daughter is being treated as the chore bitch by her elder half sister and more sadly, her own mother.
As for the money transfers to SD, that is marital money it is not your DW's money to do with as she chooses. All income to the marital home is marital income. Including any CS either spouse receives from a prior breeding partner.
Blending lives between partners blends life between the partners. That includes being equity life parnters, equity parents, and financial partners with all income being marital income.
Yes, I know my perspective of this is rather old school. If your DW continues to be the cash cow for her failed family spawn, stop providing any financial support for the marital home and let your DW deal with that. Pay no bills, give her no money. When she complains, show her a spread sheed with the estimated cash she has bled to her failed family progeny and tell her when she pays you directly exactly that amount for you to invest for your daughters future, and pays every household bill until she has contributed that same amount she has wasted on her failed family progeny from the collective marital income , then you will begin re-engaging in financial support of the household.
Yes, I understand that this would have DW paying 2X what she has wasted on your SD. DW stole that money from your marriage, and from the daughter you share.
That is wrong and has to be accounted for IMHO.
Yes, I know this is extreme.
I'm sorry Rags
There's nothing "old school" about this, it's common sense. OP, for goodness sake, listen!
Nothing to be sorry about.
This one likely resulted in some cracked molars for me as I was grinding my teeth.
smh
Separate finances
I totally agree w/ separating the finances. It's sad that we have no real control on how a parent decides to parent. My SKID is now a teenager and basically does nothing around the house. I no longer clean up after her tbh. I used to like a spotless home but now I no longer do that.
I would never just give a kid that kind of money. I mean we all do what we can for our kids but that does seem a bit excessive to me as well. Raising my son I never made him do a ton of work around the house because my own mom was a slob and made us kids do everything and I never wanted my son to feel that way. But he cleans his own home up just fine!
Honestly there's not much you can do if it is not your money- we have separate finances here and that works out well for me. This is not an easy gig at all... just remember to let her parent the way she sees fit and only get involved if asked. Other than that do not pick up after her anymore.. It's not your job.
Does she recieve child
Does she recieve child support for your SD17?
if yes, where does that money go?
Let her 17 year old be a pig--DO NOT pick up after her. That is your wifes duty.
We had simple things the kids had to do for chores.
Don't let any of your money
Don't let any of your money go to feral SD.
Your wife is the problem here. I went back and read your original post, and the part where she screamed and yelled at you for an hour when her daughter was 5... because the kid scraped her knee while you were watching her for a few moments. That would have been a major red flag for me, and would have had me rethinking the whole relationship.
But you know all this .. that it's your wife who has created this mess. You just don't want to face up to it and do anything about it
Honestly, with the way she treats you, how can you have any love or respect for her?
And as many others have said, this is not fair on your young daughter. For her sake, if nothing else, can you TRY and make some changes? I know you don't want to split again because she missed her mum last time. But in the long run it's the only solution IMO. These 2 women....your wife and SD....are damaged beyond repair.
Marriage = Community Property = No "her" or "his" money
Only "us" money. Unless you have a pre-nup or the funds are from CS from SD17's dad. I agree with stepmomnorth. Open a custodial saving account for your youngest child. Do not put your wife's name on it, only yours and DD9. That way, DW can't touch it. Match every transfer to SD17 with a transfer to DD9. Words haven't worked up to this point. Use some action.
Even better...set up a 529 with DD9 as beneficiary + with you (and only you) as the owner. This way, should a divorce happen, you'll have leverage to keep the money under your control. And while you are married, DW will definitely not be able to remove the money from this tax shelter.
EDITED: to change SD9 to DD9
You have the same problem you
You have the same problem you had last time you posted. There is no magical solution to make your DW or SD cooperate and respect you. The only thing you can do is stop doing all their chores. And start hiding money, create a shortage.
Who thinks “18” is the magical number…
That somehow stops ridiculous financial support must be new to Step World!! It's the PARENT'S mentality that enables and encourages this type of manipulative coddling of a lazy small minded small hearted adult human. What exactly is the purpose? To keep fully capable "adult babies" from learning to fly from the nest and see the wonders of the world?? Not only does it go against nature, it's impossible to "Help" parent or those unwilling to leave nest to do the next right thing! It's like "One Flew Over the Coocoo's Nest"! But it's YOUR life, too!
As so many STalkers are a testament to,18 is not a panacea of
blended family calm for a historically toxic SSpawn.
Ill behaved, ill raised, poorly parented failed family progeny do not disappear into the ether when they turn 18. If anything, they up their toxic games and often plant their excuse flag on how unloved, neglected, etc... they claim they were as young ill behaved failed family progeny so their adult age crap continues.
The contra position is true for well raised, well parented, well behaved Skids. They launch into viable adulthood and thrive... for the most part.
The peripheral influences to the overall situation have never been of interest to me. They are either well behaved and prepared for viable adulthood, or they are a write off. In my black and white world.
Illnesses, developmental issues, brain injuries, etc.. not withstanding.
I agree with some of the
I agree with some of the above comments, this is not your kid, stop parenting her... MY SD is 17 and I refuse to parent her, in general, I don't make a point of talking to her... I slip up sometimes, and make comments here and there... but in general I dislike her as a person, and if I didn't know her and saw her out in the world, I would make no point in talking to her, so I just ignore her for the most part, at least that's my intention...
The money that your wife gives her, does she view that as SD's money anyways because it's from child support? I mean my husband pays $500 a month to child supprt for SD, if BM just handed it to her, then, ok, It IS SD's money... also, BM bought SD a car with all the CS we paid, it would have taken 1 years of saved up child support, so really my DH paid for it as well... quit comparing your kid to SD... SD is going to turn out to be a lazy entitled brat, and that not on you... your child will be a well rounded kind compassionate child... think of it that way, thinking of it like that has REALLY helped me cope with SD being a complete B!TC#...
Thank you!
Thank you all - I am so grateful for all of you, all of your responses and insights to this situation. I appreciate all of you. For years - years - I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I felt so insanely guilty for it. Turns out, there are many of us everywhere. I am very grateful. Thank you!
This summer has been interesting in that my SD stays with us all the time now. Her parents have a custody agreement which is basically.....SD stays with us 4 days, her father the other 3 each week. However, we noticed a couple of months ago that this custody agreement has been thrown in the trash. In fact, she stayed with us for 4 straight weeks - didn't see her dad at all during that time. My SD just didn't go to his house - she stayed here with us the whole time - she just didn't want to go over there. He wasn't complaining - and neither was my SD - because he requires that she do chores at his house.....and she gets away with murder here. During the past two years, she and her father have been in numerous arguments. In fact, there's barely a day that goes by that they're not arguing over something. I think, for him, he's just done. After 4 weeks here, she finally went to his house - but kept coming back to our house each day to eat, hang out, play on her phone, etc. I asked her about it one day - why is she here when she's supposed to be over at his house. She told me that he was busy and she wanted to watch our TV. I just rolled with it. My wife loves it - because my SD is here all the time now. She feels like she "won" the custody battle - that's how I think she feels about it. My SD's father, quite frankly, is done with the behavior issues of his daughter. He has a more fun and relaxing time with her out of the house. I actually envy him. She comes here and the whole place is turned upside down. She has it made here - and she knows it.
As for why I do clean-up around our house - yes, I understand the reasoning for asking my wife and my SD to help. But that's just not how it works here. I work at home - my wife works in an office out-of-town.....so she has to commute about 90 minutes to 2 hours each day. I cook, clean, do all the shopping, the laundry, all the clean-up, take care of the pets, the yard work, the house maintenance, pay all the bills, take care of appointments and scheduling - I basically do everything. I take time out of my day to get everything done. When I really need help, our 9 year old helps me. My wife once told me not to do the chores - that they could wait. I thought she meant that she would help me eventually. Didn't happen - dishes piled high, 8 loads of laundry were waiting, the pets needed to be fed, the house turned into a disaster area. So I spent hours cleaning up - getting everything done. My wife helps out on some things but only when absolutely necessary. My SD's room is, honestly, a toxic waste dump. There was an ant infestation in there at one point because of all the rotting food left in the room. I no longer allow it to get to that point - so I will go in and throw stuff away. Last week, I removed a cup of juice in her room - it had been sitting in there for 4 months. The whole cup was covered in mold, and the juice had turned into a moldy soup. I just threw the whole thing in the trash. I can't help someone who is at that point. She just refused to bring her dishes into the kitchen. I throw things away all the time now that belong to her - socks, hair stuff, clothing, beauty products. If they're left out on the floor a few days in our house, it just goes in the trash. I am so done cleaning up after her. She's 17. Soon she'll be 18. And then what?
The one shining spot.....for me, at least......is that she has chosen to go to college out-of-town. Some of the colleges she's looking at are hours from our home, 9-10 hour drive away. I view this as a good thing. In my mind, I have visions of living without my SD. I want to turn her room into my office as I do most of my work in a 3'x3' space next to our bedroom closet. Cramped is an understatement, but it's what I have for now. But with her gone, an entire bedroom will open up. I dream of making that space mine. A place to work, have my desk and belongings, my computer, my books and my stuff. Most of my belongings are stuffed into our bedroom closet, and the rest is in the garage. I also dream of a day where I don't have to put up with the garbage my SD is dishing out each day. I just look at it now and I feel relief when I see that vision. I view it almost like heaven - a huge relief, a place to finally breathe.
My wife got mad at our counselor for suggesting that I disengage from my SD. She thought that was cruel and unusual punishment. Our counselor disagreed and my wife ended the whole conversation abruptly. It was very odd. So, I try to do what I can to separate myself.
I guess, for me, I look at our youngest daughter and I absolutely wouldn't allow her to treat someone the way my SD treats me. I wouldn't allow it. If I were to divorce and re-marry(by chance), I would never allow my daughter to be that dismissive and disrespectful to my new wife. I would never allow her to skate by - without helping around the house. My wife thinks all of this is perfectly fine and normal. She tells me, repeatedly, that this is just what teenagers do to their parents - they treat them like garbage. She tells me that we're just supposed to take it. But this, in my opinion, goes beyond teenage angst. I view it as manipulation, and the workings of an angry troubled person. My counselor agreed - told me that my SD was a complete manipulation master, and was doing this all to get a reaction. It's hard to fathom sometimes how I got here. I never imagined my life like this, never imagined the anxiety I would feel having to cope with this SD situation. It's unbearable some days. My counselor is trying to help me with various coping mechanisms so I'm not so frazzled all the time, not so anxiety-riddled.
And as for this being my wife's fault - I totally agree. This has been a huge sticking point in marriage counseling because my wife will not budge one iota. Refuses to even talk about it at this point. She won't allow the discussion to even happen. My wife is troubled by her own upbringing - going back-and-forth between her dad's house and her mom's. She is troubled by how her stepdad was "big" on doing chores back when she was a teenager. She is troubled by her divorce from SD's father - and how the custody battle was so vicious and mean between them. And finally, how that divorce impacted my SD - how she was insanely unhappy that her parents split up. For years, my SD wanted her parents to reconcile - but that was never going to happen with me in the picture. There is anger, fear, resentment, lots of sadness and grief. My wife is trying to make up for things that happened in the past. She is protecting her daughter from things that happened to herself as a teenager.......and to my SD when she was a small child(the divorce and custody battle). My wife goes overboard with it all. It's now at a point that it is negatively impacting my SD and our marriage. And - it is also impacting our youngest, who now wonders why my SD doesn't do chores around the house. My only hope is that my SD does go to college out of town next year - and stays out of town. That would clear up a ton of problems here for now.
But I do think......what if? What if we had divorced?(My wife filed for divorce a few years back - but we ended up reconciling. She was having an affair - I had no idea - and she wanted to divorce to be with her new man. I was totally blind to all of it - I didn't find out until we reconciled). I sometimes imagine what life would be like with just our youngest daughter and myself, living as a single dad. I sometimes do question whether it was all worth it.
So what keeps you in the
So what keeps you in the marriage? You are responsible for everything, your SD contributes nothing but more work for you, your wife takes the side of her daughter, AND she cheated on you. Why did you reconcile?
And don't fool yourself. SD going away to college just changes the picture. It doesn't solve the problem. At all.
Have you tried individual counseling to shed light on any of your own issues? It sounds like maybe you think you need to be content with crumbs.
What's the point in couple's
What's the point in couple's counseling if she has no interest in either listening or trying to change things? It's a total waste of time and money.
I think it's time you started putting your daughter's needs first. Poor kid is going to think she's Cinderella.
Your life was a lot like mine
Your life was a lot like mine with DH. I was doing EVERYTHING. ALL of it. So I stopped, demanded that DH get to a counselor. I was unhappy and overextended and he knew it. If he had not, and had not improved, and if he was still not improving (hey, he's doing more now than ever!) I don't know if I would have stayed. If your wife isn't improving and doesn't see the point of counselling (my DH constantly referred to HIS experience with a split households...but everyone and every situation is not the same) then that's a very big problem. If she simply cannot see your point of view and refuses to help, I don't know what you can do.
I mean, disengaging is great, but if she doesn't pick up the slack - bingo - you've identified the problem. See, I disengaged, and DH HAD to step up. He hated it, he hated talking about it, but he worked through it and did/does it. We even last night talked about a household fix HE wants to see done and how HE can do it. So he will be doing so.
Regarding your SDs room, 100% been there through the mold, smells, ruined dishes, towels, bedding, carpet, etc. I stopped it before the infestations could begin by setting down three warnings a week or so apart (giving essentially a one-month warning in all) to both DH and OSD: If that room wasn't properly cleaned up then I would be doing so and they may not like how I did it. Nothing was done, or rather, a little piddly work was done (shoving things into the closet and DH doing OSDs clothing wash FOR her), so I trash bagged everything that was dirty or not in a proper place like towels on the floor, makeup all over the floor, dirty hairbrushes on the floor, etc. Drawers were gone through...because mold and filth. I think I took like 5 trash bags out of that room. Then did it AGAIN about 3 months later. Not once did she learn why; she didn't care. She even tried using the trash bagged items cherry picking through them when she needed things rather than DH and her going through them to decide what she needed, what needed to be cleaned, etc. NOPE - those were gone as soon as I figured out what was happening. Messy is differnt than filthy and this is what you need to talk with your wife about.
If I were you I'd just clean sweep everything and convert to disposable dishes (or clean up stuff that's not your mess and put in storage) period. I did this too and it worked after two weeks. And after that, less mess was left and if it was, DH cleaned it up.
Don't count on college or her never being back...stay on your boundary!
Yeah, totally agree with
Yeah, totally agree with Merry.
OP appears to have very low self esteem.
He just takes whatever crap these two POS dish out to him. He certainly doesn't deserve that. No one does!
Do yourself and your daughter a favor and move on from this
trainwreck.
smh
It’s sad to think that people on this site…
Care more about you than your wife or SD could ever understand? Your wife IS the same person as your SD - but on steroids! Your counselor is telling you - you don't have a "life partner" and you know you don't! Whatever "physical activity" you might be having with wife surely cannot outweigh your quality of life and the life you want for your own daughter. Please ask yourself why you are being "the doormat" and financial supply in your situation. You are young enough to write a new chapter in your book of life and you deserve a happy ending. It's up to YOU!
I have two thoughts. One in
I have two thoughts. One in the form of a question.
Q: what do you get out of your relationship w/ your wife? what does she do for you that keeps you being her/SD's bitch?
And my other thought: when my sons were teens they had chores. They were not thrilled about it but they did them because they are/were part of a family and family works as a team. You cannot do that because your wife is not on your team. She has formed her own team w/ her daughter and you are not included in it. What can you do? Accept it as it is and continue to be the house bitch, or stop. When my oldest decided he was too (busy, uninterested, tired, entitled, what ...everrrrrr he decided got him a 'do no chores' card), I grabbed a contractors garbage bag and as he left his mess for me to clean up, I put his discards into the bag. Empty McD's wrappers? in the bag they went. socks, shorts,shoes,trash.. into the bag. Then as it filled I'd tie it up and put in in his room. Then started a new bag. His mess was his to own. The only things I didn't toss were/was silverware, dishes, money (cha-ching), or other family members items. Accept her wanting to live like a piggy. Just don't waste your time being her clean up crew. Bag it, put it in her room, shut the door. Mom doesn't like it? she can help her princess go through it all and deal with it.
and now I'm singing this song
and now I'm singing this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTP2RUD_cL0