BM reminiscing about DH’s family gatherings
We went to DH's family cabin for the 4th. While we were out there BM posts a photo of SSs at DH's family cabin on the 4th from 12 years ago (she tagged both SSs), before she divorced DH, with the caption "Thinking about fun times with my boys. Great memories!" It's unclear if BM's boyfriend is still around...if he's not, I hope she won't start trying to reminisce with DH again. When DH and I were dating, she used to send him texts remembering "funny things" from when they were married. She was married to ex husband #2 at the time (whom she met before filing for divorce from DH), but still seemed to carry a torch for DH.
- strugglingSM's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Oh I know this story! When I
Oh I know this story! When I met SO she had a group text with SSs (then 11,12) and SO with her endless time hops she would send them. This is one of the first boundaries I put up with SO. The group messaging remembering "old times." Some of them were just pics of the skids but with them in it. BM was already with her husband while she was doing this.. I met SO 4 years after his separation too..
She still sends them to skids year after year as it's basically the only memories she has since she hasn't made new ones.
She posted on one SOs childhood friends wife Facebook post wishing her daughter a happy birthday. The time hop was from 11 years prior at the daughters bday party. BM doesn't get no one likes her.
When I met DH he and BM had
When I met DH he and BM had been divorced for 4 years, separated for 5. She initiated the divorce and regularly told DH what a terrible husband and horrible father he had been. Stepdad was a "beautiful, beautiful man" in contrast and "a better father than you'll ever be!" to skids. Despite this, she used to call DH daily just to chat or complain or take out her anger on someone else. Once, DH and I were on a weekend trip and she texted him, "call me ASAP!" He called thinking it was something to do with the kids. She answered and said, "hi, what's up?" Then wanted to find out about our trip and wish me a happy birthday (she and I were not friends). He replied, "you told me to call you. What was it about?" It was about nothing. She used to also regularly text him inside jokes from their married days, which he ignored.
Now, stepdad has become ex husband #2 and skids, who used to call him dad, now refer to him as "'my mom's ex husband" and told DH "he wasn't the man she thought he was." She divorced him because she met boyfriend who we thought might be future husband #3, but BM was home alone on the 4th, so maybe he's no longer around.
I assume she's smart enough to know that DH has no interest in interacting with her (he used to be nice about it, but she was so mean and such a pest that he finally told her he was not interested in hearing from her at all), but I wouldn't put it past her to start sharing memories with skids or his family, so they all remember how "wonderful" she is.
BM here too is the one that
BM here too is the one that caused her divorce. She cheated and just wanted out. One of the first things she told me was SO was her BeSt FrIeNdDdDdDd!! LOLL ok. She thought SO was to be her forever back burner basically.
It took YEARS but it's finally slowing down with the antics. She still says shit to skids.. mainly SD and SD brings it up because she gets annoyed but... BM lives her best childfree life! While we were the ones raising the kids.
I could have written nearly
I could have written nearly this same thing, word-for-word. They all really do play from the same handbook, huh?
Joining the ex wives don’t get divorce club.
Mines going on 30 years post divorce. Just a few Things that happened when DH and I met/married are:
Ex (bm) reaching out to DH when she heard we were getting engaged. She wanted to chat about the property WE were going to buy and how it should benefit the (adult) Skids.
Her reaching out occasionally over the years with some business scheme or another that DH and I might be interested in participating with her, hard nope, not even considering she has only ever lost money in any business venture she's done.
Years ago, before I set some hard boundaries, we saw her at every single get together with the skids, from soccer games to Xmas, she made a point of seeking us out to visit and always tried to reminisce with DH about the past. I no longer go and DH goes early and spends a minimal amount of time at these events now, avoiding her as much as possible.
it's as much the skids keeping her as over involved as she is, they are enmeshed.
When DH and I bought a house,
When DH and I bought a house, BM wanted to "sit down together" and tell Skids about the house. No matter that she moved twice with the kids after the divorce and didn't even tell DH until after they'd moved in.
She also thought that DH should have cleared it with her first before we had a child...to make sure the kids were okay....always.
Every time you post, your BM
Every time you post, your BM reminds me exactly of Satan. Carrying a torch isn't really what it is. She wants to reassure herself that DH is still her minion. Delusionally. Or remind him that she's still owns him by virtue of the fact that she's the mother of his children.
She also uses the "sit down together" phrase a lot. As if she's a rational person, instead of the batsh!t crazy screeching banshee she is. The woman is about as subtle as a jackhammer.
She only wants to have a discussion when DH is not complying with her wishes. She can do whatever she wants.
That's exactly what it is..
That's exactly what it is...that she is superior to DH. DH once said to me they he thought both BM and MIL thought he should just be miserable and alone forever after the divorce, so he could just serve both of them.
Even when he used to do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, she would still berate him all the time. Despite this, she told everyone that they were the best of friends until I showed up. MIL also believes that I am "the problem", although she witnessed BM yelling at DH both when they were married and after the divorce. MIL once said to me she "hoped they could work out their differences", but really their "differences" is that BM still thinks she should be able to control DH and do whatever she wants, while also using him as an emotional punching bag. That's hardly a difference that could be worked out...
Of course we are the problems
Of course we are the problems.. we ruined their plans.
They’ll grow into enmeshed adults.
There's been quite a few changes in the dynamics of this family, occasionally DH still gets caught up in the drama of someone making a big life change without a "family" Confab about it, I remind him, these are adults and they don't need anyone's permission to move, change jobs, get divorced etc. The over involvement is incredible. There's also double standards, it's ok if so and so lives their life but then judgment is heaped on others for making similar decisions or even mistakes. It's very strange to me.
Time for your DH to respond
Time for your DH to respond with "maybe time to stop living in the past? I know I have."
Too bad he can't respond with
Too bad he can't respond with something like "I don't remember you being there"... *diablo*
Lol to both of these. DH will
Lol to both of these. DH will ignore it and maybe didn't even see it since only SSs were tagged and I'm not sure he sees their stuff.
OMG! I have a Crazy BM story
OMG! I have a Crazy BM story too.
When DH and I were married for about 6 years, we attended a Christening for one of DH's grandkids. We sat in the church and Crazy BM takes a seat right in front of us. She turns around and says to my DH, "You know, I was going through some old photos last week and I came across a photo of you in Hawaii dancing with one of the performers on stage. Do you remember that?? They came and brought you up out of the audience! It was such a great time. I'll send you the photo. You'll love to see it again!!" I could feel his body tense up against mine. He looked straight ahead and said, "I don't want it." She pushed on, "Oh, you're going to appreciate it. I'll send it to you anyway!" He said, a little more firmly, "I really don't want it!" Then the dingbat turns her attention to me and said, "Oh, you should see it again. I'll send it to you instead, Birchclimber. You'll appreciate it!" Not wanting to make waves and just wanting her to turn the hell back around in her seat, I nodded my head, but said nothing.
What a nutbar! Did she actually think that he was going to say, "OH YES, PLEASE!!! I so want to relive all of the happy times that we had together! Please send me the photo so that I can frame it and place in on my night stand??!!" I mean, really?? Get a grip lady...
We never did receive the photo, thankfully!
Wow! Talk about persistent
Wow! Talk about persistent and incapable of seeing other people's discomfort.
That reminds me of the time BM sent over a bunch of things that were DH's and included their wedding video in the box. DH put it right in the trash. And that box was delivered to him after we'd moved into our house, so 7 years after the divorce and at least one move for BM in the interim.
Birch, This sounds exactly like mine!
She speaks to me like we are bff and I'm like Uhmm Lady I'm just here for the food. Jk. It's why I stopped going to pretty much anything other than milestone events. Even then invites are hit and miss on my inclusion, so I guess I've been given a free pass now. I caught sight of a text a few weeks ago about a b-day thing they were arranging, DH was asked if it would be just him or is he "bringing a guest " I guess that means me???? LOL..., DH replied, "just me, depending on other company (meaning their mom) I won't be staying long." They refuse to get that neither he and especially I want to see her 5-6- or any amount of times casually throughout the year. It's bad enough all the dreaded must see events like weddings and baptisms.
"Bringing a guest"....ahahaha
"Bringing a guest"....ahahaha...that makes me laugh.
Hookers and Blow
"Imna bring my mistress, please don't tell Noway."
"Are hookers allowed?"
Omg I busted out laughing at that.
I might suggest DH saying that that should I catch wind of it again.
Sept 2018.. BM was in the
Sept 2018.. BM was in the hospital for a possible kidney infection or something. Made it sound like she was dying. March 2018 (we went to court starting in feb) is when the skids stopped going to her house per her choice.
She was still in disbelief (IMO) I think that she was losing the battle with controlling SO. It was never about skids always about control over SO.
Anways.. texts him saying how he should be bringing kids to hospital to see her... someone should be teaching them to be kind thoughtful souls (LOLLL) some other BS.
He calls her (first time he really ever told her to give it up) and she starts crying (of course) and goes on some lecture how she wrote him a 10 PAGE letter and how she wanted to give it to him and to met her or something...
He never got that letter LOL.
These women are all the same
These women are all the same aren't they. BM loves to talk about how she "chooses kindness" and wants to teach her kids to solve their own problems, but it's all a bunch of BS, because all she does is yell at other adults about perceived slights against her or her precious babies. One of them changes at least one class a year because the teacher is "too mean".
Interestingly enough, BM here was recently in the hospital for a supposed kidney infection...we only know because one SS called DH for a ride to the movies and told him the reason BM couldn't give him a ride. He then told DH that BM "might have cancer", but I don't think she does. I'm sure BM used the kidney infection for maximum sympathy and I'm surprised she didn't come to DH to tell him he owed her for the one time she let him skip his weekend when he was admitted to the hospital with a life-threatening allergic reaction.