Uggs and ugh!
Ok so for those of you who know my story I'm the SM that has a 13SD that has left our house for the past 10 months with few to little calls to her Dad. Since she left her stuff is all still at our place where she lived 1/2 time with us over the past 4 years w our 3 other kids.
She has left all of her things and after about 6 months we decided to allow one of the other kids yo move into her room (her Bio brother) who was sharing a room with my boys. We carefully put most of her things in nice new colorful snap tipper wear storage bins. Asking when she wanted it or needed it
It has now been 10 months and she is still refusing to go to counseling with my DH, tells her BM she's not ready to work things out.
as silly as it sounds I bought her brand new gray Ugg boots about 2 years ago, that she wore about twice....they are now part of the Tupperware's of unclaimed stuff she seems to have no interest in getting from us. So I broke down, I paid $165 for the Uggs when I bought them for her and she's 13 now so my guess is that in the 10 months she's been gone she isn't even the same size shoe, she is like a foot taller now than when she left our house. I am the same size as the Uggs, and my pair that I've had for about 4 years, are completely shot.
Is it uncool to take the Uggs back & wear them? We never see her unfortunately and if we did I doubt she would even remember the boots. Like I said she wore them maybe even once in my recollection.
I kind of think that we are pretty nice to keep all of her stuff when she has stated that she isn't coming back to live with us anytime soon. She is a pretty nasty kid, doesn't ever call her Dad, just pretty much when she needs something. When we bought her nice things she would typically not even ever where them because she preferred Crocs and sweatpants.
...feel pretty silly about it but $165 for shoes that will never be worn is not cool to me...I'm going to have yo go replace mine then watch hers sit there and collect dust.
I should add she has a history of asking for stuff, us then buying her stuff that she wouldn't take the tags off of...it was very odd behavior and it has probably cost us thousands from age 8 to when she left us.
I do feel animosity towards her that she left, my DH would buy her the exact bar of soap brand she liked and there are still stacks of the soap under her sink, which we now tell the boys to use. I only recently started using the soaps as it is starting to feel a bit ridiculous, especially when she has almost shut out her Dad & I completely. Before she became a teen we had a pretty good relationship I thought. When her Dad and I got married was when her BM started needing her so making her feel as though she couldn't live a day without her BM.
Those Uggs are looking good to me, it's freezing this winter!!! Am I a horrible person?! Probably, guess they should just sit their unclaimed along with her $250 Roxy wetsuit, etc.
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Yes.
Yes.
Wear the boots. YOU PAID FOR THEM.
If madam deigns to come back, DO NOT buy her thousands of dollars worth of stuff, ever again!
Agreed
Better yet- if princess throws a fit that she's got no stuff call her mom and ask her to provide the things necessary for her daughter. I bet you BM will plly say no. Hearing her mother say no might calm her.
Another thing: you decide what to buy. Only basics
Yep, that is what the NCP pays CS for.
We were the CP household and got this message loud and clear from the Judge when we tried to recover 50% of the cost of SS's trumpet for middle school band.
CS covers all of the NCPs responsibilities to support the Skid unless otherwise stipulated in the CO. Which in our case also required the Spermidiot to pay 50% of any medical related expenses not covered by insurance.. .which he never paid a penny on... nor did he ever provide the medical insurance he was COd to provide.
Which is why even 11yrs past the time when SS aged out from under the CO, twice a year, we still bill the SpermClan for unpaid medical exepenses plus penalties and interest (per the IRS tables).
In all liklihood we will never sue them for it, but neither will we let it slide. They get the 'you suck and are sleezy dirt bags' bill twice a year, year in and year out, and will for the forseeable future. Though there is no verbiage along those lines when they get the bill, spreadsheet, penalty and interest breakdown, and demand for payment.
Their noses will be rubbed in the stench of their crap for many more years to come.
Periodically SpermGrandHag will try to play the sympathy card to get us to not send the bill. "Isn't it time to let this go?" to which my DW replies "Isn't it long past time that your dirtbag son pays what he owes for his eldest's medical care for the 16+ years of the CO?"
Reset... lather... rinse..... repeat.
Thanks
I like you.
Wear the Boots
As Kaylee said, you paid for them. Also, after 10 months, they are considered abandoned. If she comes back, that's exactly what I'd tell her. You left them here, they don't fit you anymore and so as to not waste good money, they fit me so I took them. End of subject.
Agree with wear the boots
Also use the soap. It's soap - not a shrine to SD! No need to feel guilty or silly about it
One of my own bio son bounced a bit.
From 16-18. He got upset that his dad gave away some of his stuff after he refused to go back there (For about a year) at about 17 1/2. His older brother (now 30) showed up here the other day wearing a sweatshirt I recognized. I'm like hey that's a nice sweatshirt. Him "yea? Dad gave it to me" me: cool it looks good on you. It was abandoned by little brother years ago.
hell yea take the Uggs.
You haven't seen her in
You haven't seen her in almost a year...she's forfeited all that stuff. I doubt she'll even remember they exist. We have a pile of forgotten items and my skids come every two weeks. They will then deny things are theirs...even when they brought them to our house. Regardless, you should still take back the boots for yourself. Your SD didn't die, so no need to keep her items as a keepsake.
Another vote
For wear 'em. My SO went through a prolonged Disney/Guilty daddy phase and overspent on the 3 ferals (mostly my money) to no avail. They still PASed out. I'm sure the BM is behind your SD PASing out as that is par for the course.
No more spending and no shrines allowed for PASed out ingrates.
Another vote to wear them
They won't fit her anymore. If she notices, if you see her again soon, reply "What these old things? I have no idea what you are talking about. You must have mislaid yours sometime over the last two years"
We boxed up OSDs things a
We boxed up OSDs things a year after she left our home when she was13/14. After another year I went through some of her things, gave some to YSD (who rejected all of it) and some to trash and the rest to donations.
There's still one more box after over four years. I just took out some gloves and have used them this winter (she took one of my good scarves anyway). This summer I'll go through the rest of it with DH who needs to decide what to keep. There's also a random bag of YSDs odd things so that too.
Use them! She's not going to, you bought them. She doesn't want them, you get to decide.
SD22 Feral Forger
When she turned 18 and had graduated high school, she got a job two towns over. She doednt have her drivers license so she decided to just stay with a coworker, and wouldnt tell us where she waas living. 7 months no contact from her. We kept her room as a storage locker filled with her trash. One day I up and decided "todays the day we dismantle the shrine to Feral Forger". DH was doing a dump run so we carted out the electric bed base, mattress, vanity with mirror, two dressers, six bags of trash and donation. I too got some plastic bins. Not much was binnable.
It is now known as "Cloves room" where I have afish tank, my shoes and purses, as well as my treasures collected over the years. Shes tried to move back into "her old room" a few times, but no dice.
Wear those suckers! Use that soap!
The biggest mistake was
The biggest mistake was spending such amounts on sd in the first place. Close your wallet and wear the uggs. Wtf is she? The queen of uggland? Please. Tired of ppl being scared of skids' reactions.
Those boots were made for wearing
Take them! Wear them!
Put your nasty worn out boots in the Tupperware.
Shop around in the Tupperware take out what you like and wear it give it to other kids.
She doesn't get to throw a fit for 9 months and get her stuff. Heck no!
Also when she wants something the mom has to provide it for your house. No more throwing fits! ( Our visitation stipulates that BM1 HAS TO send school clothes and appropriate special outfits to us every week. We've never enforced it but just in case it is there!)
Y'all are way nicer than we were...
When the GWR...aka SS up and left after his temper tantrum..I boxed his shiznit up and put it in the basement. I had DH's blessing though. GWR....being the materialistic @sshole that he was came calling for his stuff about a month later when Beaver filed for full custody. We handed over the boxes and promptly turned GWR's room into DH's office. The bed remained for about 6 months just in case GWR decided to make an appearance, when he didn't the bed went away.
DH's thought was...after 6 months is considered abandonment and thus he owed GWR nothing more and there wasn't going to be any shrine to GWR. So long farewell Auf Wiedersein, good bye....
So..yep take those ugs...and wear them. They are abandoned property at this point.
SD22 Feral Forger
she doesnt really "move out", she would always leave a little something behind so she could slide her way back in.
Except now shes mad because shes been told repeatedly "no you cannot have your old room back".
She is no longer a resident.
Enjoy the new UGGs yourself, bag the rest of her crap and drop it off at GoodWill. Smirk as you get the receipt for the tax write off for charitable dinations. If she decides to visit, more importantly, if she is allowed to visit, she is a less than welcome guest and gets an AeroBed in a corner somewhere.
Use the Tupperware as you see fit since it will not longer contain her crap.
IMHO of course.