SD visit didn't happen
A few weeks ago SD, her DH and SGD were planning a weekend visit to our home, but they postponed then postponed again, and now again.
They are having car issues and previously said they were going to use their tax refund to take care of it, but apparently they've blown the money and didn't fix their car.
The visit was supposed to be a surprise for DH, but I told him about it because he was really down and I knew he'd be so excited to see SGD and it would improve his mood. I've had to tell him about the cancelations, and he's disappointed, but hasn't said anything about helping them out. He knows they don't have bills like rent and utilities or anything, they get food stamps, and they got back a nice chunk on taxes that should have more than taken care of car issues. We've helped the older kids some, but only when they are making efforts to help themselves. Its a hand up, not a handout.
Well, SD texts me, telling me they have plans next weekend, but maybe the next weekend they can come.... I'm kinda over the game playing with dates at this point. I told her that her dad has to work some weekends, but they haven't said which ones yet. I added that we have plans on X weekend and also will be unavailable on another weekend. I am not going to forego planning our time around when she may come, only to cancel the day before they're supposed to come.
I'm trying really hard to enforce boundaries.
Also, I have talked to DH more about my problems with being around BM....and I feel like we at least understand each other better at this point. I don't know how future visits will go, but I can tell you that I have mustered up enough self love to voice my objections on some things, should they come up again. I also have enough courage to stay behind at the hotel if I feel I don't want to participate in the visit at BM's house.
BM, for whatever reasons very much limited DH's contact with SKs before I came into the picture (honestly, I think it was mainly because her BF at the time didn't like DH) and he's afraid if he pisses her off she will influence SD and he will not get to see SGD. And DH already feels like he's missing out because we live 4 hours away from them. I get it. I hope we've had a meeting of the minds, but only time will tell.
Be happy!
I tried over many years. And the SDs never come for holidays. Husband has not seen granddaughter 2 yrs old. They live far away but he has not been invited and they turned down my offer to fly all of them here.
so enjoy your life and those who want to be a part. When they rarely show up be friendly.
that's it. I know I tried.
Time to let DH experience the full impact of his manipulative
progeny. Quit minimizing it and let DH get the full meal deal feels regarding his entitlement lying spawn.
Just my thoughts of course.
^^^THIS^^^
I totally agree. Let it be between DH and SD. I know you want to prtotect him from the hurt he will feel but it will be nothing like te hurt he will fell years down the line when the full impact of her selfishness hits him.
Thanks! I always get the best advice here
From you all!
Last night BM video called DH...she had the baby, but SD20 and her POS hubs weren't there. BM picked up SGD earlier yesterday, as SD20 and her DH have been staying somewhere else for this week.
SD20's DH lost his job....again. And it's crystal clear that SD20 lied and my DH sees it, too. He actually said 'she lied when I questioned something she said to me that didn't add up.
DH sees it for what it is, but turns a blind eye and doesn't say anything about it. I figure it's not my business at this point. I've done what I could and I have boundaries. I let SD know we have plans for several upcoming weekends, so we aren't really able to accommodate visitors, if they should decide they do want to come.
I think she expects us to come there, but I don't see it happening for a few months, anyways. It hasn't been mentioned and I have no inclination to go to Podunk.