I'm a step parent/BM/grandma but to be honest, I'm the glue too. I'm the glue that pulls us all together several times a year. I'm the glue to reminds Dh to keep in touch w/ his son. I'm the glue that sends the card/writes a text/bakes them cookies. I do it for my own two and since my better half can barely find the kitchen alone, I do it for my SS too. I don't mind, everyone thanks me and I love gathering them all over for things.

My goal this year is more family memories. My two are both married, my SS has a serious GF and I want to make sure communication is open and free heading into the part of their lives where we no longer parent them. I want to reap the rewards lol. My goal is less weeping, more reaping

I'm going to develop more interests and hobbies outside of SO. I'm going to take some time and figure out how i want my life to be, regardless of my relationship status, and make that happen. No more revolving my life around him, his kids, his brothers' kids, and all 6 BMs! 

DH and I are both going to start working on being more healthy and getting back to doing things we like. The Covid 20(lbs) were no joke to us! 

In regards to being a SM- SS17 is basically dead to me. I don't want any part of anything to do with him.

SS21, I am going to really work on him being more independent. Autism or not, things are ridiculous most days and I am just exhausted. I haven't fully decided how I'm going to handle it but I feel like he prizes his money, so maybe fines for not doing the things he is supposed to? 

For my kids- DD14 is really good and I am just going to keep working on our relationship and keeping it positive. Teen girls can be really hard sometimes. That line between parenting but not controlling is hard for me.

DS16- I need to give him more responsibility. He is getting his license in a month and really needs to have more around the house. I need to figure out what that will look like, but some change for sure. My problem is he is social, he is in all very advanced classes and makes straight A's, and genuinely a good kid- so I let a lot of small things slide. But he is almost an adult and really needs to be held more accountable for everything else too. 

My main stepgoal is to make sure Bratty doesn't annoy me during our July reception.  Other than that status quo is fine with me.  I have a lot of major changes happening next year - early retirement and marriage - I don't need Bratty's crap piled on top of anything.

Non-step related - I'm starting to realize that now people know I'll be early retiring in January they think I am more available than I actually want to be available.  I'm going to need to say no alot for a few months, I think.

My step goal is to have as little interaction with SS as possible and to reclaim the headspace he and BM have taken up for so long in my mind. I want to take back my mind and life as much as possible and give my energy to things I love. Yes I will be doing therapy, couples counseling and trying to take proactive measures to rebuild myself as a stronger person. Dh and I have a goal of making new memories and growing as a couple. I'm also setting the goal of getting my anxiety, particularly anxiety about how BM or SS are going to hurt/attack us next, under control. They are going to do whatever they want, me worrying about it won't prevent it or help in any way. It only robs me of the moments of peace in between storms. Just need to find a way to let it go.......

2022 is going to be full of changes. Some very welcome (1 SK aging out of CS), some scary and unsettling. 

I mainly want to move DH and I forward on solidifying our future (financially secure, travel plans if covid ever stops creating havoc, etc). 

We both need to work on overall health. I think dropping a bit of rope with the kid aging out and making the kid do some relationship work on his end too would be nice. (DH does all the calling, Facetiming, Gift giving) right now. It seems very one sided. 

I'm sure I'll be right here with you saving graces to handle it, I sure do appreciate you all! I'm not super active posting/responding but I read most everything. 

You guys are heros in no small way, shape or form. 

Disengaging!  I will no longer be helping my husband with his communications with BM and I am taking a step back from doing things like helping with school transportation to preserve my sanity.

Well, I've got no step-related plans, except to continue being grateful that we are done with child support, SSstb22 speaks to DH again, and we never hear a peep from BM.  Life is good! 

I'm with you, Corgi, I don't really consider myself a stepparent. I am simpy DH's wife and he has kids. LOL

I'll continue with my disengagement from DHs kids, continue with my hobbies, volunteer work and continue on my good health journey. 

I must say, it feels so good to finally be free of SK issues in my life. I recognize "blips" will happen and I've learned to process those better...hanging on to those skills and trying to improve them even more. I'm focused on my relationship with DH. 

I wish for better health and weight loss (that last 15lbs needs to go!). I wish for peace for everyone in my life and for all the Steptalkers. I wish for women to value themselves more and not get stuck in situations where they are used, undervalued, and not cherished.

My step related goal is to maintain my boundaries when it comes to SS and SDIL, which is they are not welcome in my home, my space, or my kids' lives.  If my husband chooses to resume a relationship with them, that's his choice, but he will do it away from me and our home and our kids.  So far he hasn't mentioned anything about that.  It would be nice if either we could move or they would move away so we wouldn't have to worry about running into them.  

Non step related goal is mostly health related.  My cholesterol was elevated and my doctor is not happy about it.  He wants to put me on a statin drug but I said no.  My goal is to start exercising again and improve my diet so I can bring it down without medication.  

To watch my weight.  I cut back on my sugar intake because I'd noticed that sugar can trigger anxiety around my period.  I'm pretty sure it's enhanced PMS due to perimenopause.  My mom gave me the perimenopause talk last week and we are both pretty sure that I'm in it.  Anyway, since cutting back on sugar, I started losing weight.  So I'm going to have to watch and make sure I don't get too low on my weight.  My husband has noticed it and I wasn't overweight to begin with.  So I need to watch it. 

Short term, my goal is to get the new guinea pig, who I shall nickname Princess Chatty on here, in the big cage with Princess Popcorn and Princess Twerp.  Then I will dub one of the three as Queen.  They have been introduced, and Popcorn does not like her too much.  Twerp ignores her or acts scared of her.  Hopefully things get better the more they interact.  I have more hope for them than I do most humans, especially skids.  

Well, I"d like to meet my lil step-grandson this year.  As to what to avoid? Hopefully any gatherings with all of us and no 'original' family pics of bm/dh and SD or w/the baby.

Other then that, hopefully getting my youngest to start community college and buy a car (he has the money saved up).  

I've been thinking about this post the last day.

And I don't think I'll be changing much skid related. DH told me the other night he's still perplexed why I don't see myself as a Parent. That his Step-father certainly did and there was no discussion about it. Well, DH perhaps your mother DID give him the ok and support, and you were a kid so you think it was discussed in front of you?? And BTW, step-dads have it way way easier than step-mothers.

So yeah, he still doesn't get it and doesn't see or understand his undermining. Why is it problematic that I tell YSDalmost16 to figure out how to get food out of a to-go container? Why did that p*ss him off? So no, not even a whiff of parenting this year.

I'm continuing my physical fitness and going to the gym a lot, eating well, and less wine after today! I don't drink that much but it's effecting me more the older I get. Damn night sweats. More non-alch drinks to be stocked!

Considering a new(er) car too, something AWD, so we can do winter things more easily. But waiting on crazy car market calm down first.

Only just found this website this morning.  Never thought about searching out a step parent support group.  And this blog question was very timely.

On Boxing Day and with my wonderful husband's support, I permanently closed the door on a relationship with either step child.....SD is 36 and SS is 38 and their children. After 23 years of being there when it suited them, giving money when it suited them, and taking their cruelty when it suited them, I finally learned my lesson.  And the moment I sent my goodbye message (which was matter of fact and ended with well wishes), and blocked them from any form of contact, I took a full deep breath for what felt like the first time in years.  I readily admit (and did so more than once with them) that I've made mistakes....a lot of mistakes and there's no excuses. Apparently, according to them (and their mom) they have never made a single mistake where I am concerned. I feel terribly sad for them both and for the pain and hardships they will continue to experience, just because of who they are, as people.....but so grateful to have found the courage to understand that my quality of life, especially as I get older, is much less healthy with them in it.  Equally sad that their Dad is close behind me in his own decision process.

Feels healing to be able to write this so thank you for listening and hope it might help someone else.