Everyone got covid
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So dh's family is gone... all we have is my family. But before Christmas i got covid, my mother got covid, my brother's whole family got covid... since i got covid DH wasn't allowed to get sd for his turn after Christmas
My mother says that she wants to go out "Christmas dinner" on new year's daywhich i think is when everyone's quarantine is over.
I haven't asked DH if he plans on getting sd once my quarantine is over or not. I would rather him not. I think he's not, but if i ask, then he might... like I'd be planting that seed, and I'd rather her not come so it's better if i don't ask.
EtA: if she comes then she'd
EtA: if she comes then she'd be here for it Christmas dinner, and i'd rather her not...
I feel like a POS but I do
I feel like a POS but I do this too and fail to remind him until it's too late. It's his kid if you really wanted to make it happen he can do it himself.
That's kinda how i feel...
That's kinda how i feel... like maybe i should ask him/ remind him... but i don't want her here; she's a horrible person... i don't know if you've read any of my previous posts... but if you have time/ are interested... it's quite a read... and will explain why i don't want her here.
My Lesson
This was a huge mistake I made in early years. I always wanted to invite DHs kids to do things with us or celebrate at events. And every damn time, they caused drama, to the point of putting a very dark cloud on DHs 30 year company award party and his retirement party that I set up. My behavior cost me a lot and sent me into total disengagement from DHs kids.
These days, I do NOT suggest anything for DH. That's his relationships to manage and deal with. If he doesn't think to call them, visit or send gifts when necessary (grand babies), I don't say a word. No micro managing from this girl anymore. I'm not the Relationship Whisperer. LOL
Exactly the reason i don't
Exactly the reason i don't want her here, and I kinda think DH knows it. But i won't say anything to DH, because i want my time with my family to be peaceful.
It took a few years but
It took a few years but eventually I had to make it clear to my bride that no longer would I forego events with my family because SS was on SpermLand visitaiton and could not attend. We never missed major holidays but we did miss a few of my families vacations because DW felt guilty that SS was away on visitation and could not participate.
Once we had the talk, we settled into no foregoing our own life while SS was in SpermLand.
I can relate so much to what
I can relate so much to what you are saying. I learned a long time ago that the less I remind or inquire about SD's (now adults) the less DH initiates with them. When they were teens BM always needed her "alone time." She would badmouth us and say what a terrible Father DH is but then she loved to dump SD's on us telling DH "you're on." (If we're really so terrible why would you dump the SD's here ... not because you had a job or anything but so that you can be "alone" and do your weird ass hobbies such as journaling?) Anyway, I think these BM's and SD's are clueless about how treating SM's like crap only hurts themselves in the end. If SD's were courteous and endearing then I would make sure they were included but instead they act like jealous BM advocates ... So ... If your Dad "forgets" about you because on some level even he is exhausted by the drama you bring ... Oh well? I guess you get left out.
As most wives are younger
As most wives are younger than their DHs, which is particularly the case with second or subsequent marriages, the Skids need to be very aware that their relationship with their father AND his partner is critical to their long term financial security. For those not willing or capable of earning a retirement for themselves, making Daddy and Daddy's bride happy is a very important goal.