1st Semester - Probation
Well here we are smack down in the holiday season between the 1st and 2nd semester of college. SD is a freshman and finished her 1st semester and is now on academic probation! Big Fat F.
She has zero concern, why? I really thougtht DH was going to be a little bit more upset, but NAH. Originally angry, but just like everything else, it completely fizzed away to nothing more than, " you better right the ship" ????
I want her to succeed, I truly do. I also do not want her failing and having to move back in our home. The amount of stress and drama she brings is ridiculous. Earlier in the semester, (you know when she kept saiying everything was going really good) she begged us to get an apartment with her 23 year old boyfriend. I wasn't for it, but it wasn't my decision. Thank goodness my DH came to his senses and said no.
There is part of me that honestly believes she is failing out of college just to move in with the loser boyfriend!
Since the grades have dropped in our laps, she has only been home the one evening we all went to the hockey game.... I got tickets for all 5 of us, kinda a congratulations to the end fo the 1st semester. I only did this becuase everyone said they were doing well. Well, that was not exactly the truth. SD pulled a F in psyc 100.... leaving her on academic probation. ... after the hockey game night, she has conveiently stayed at the boyfriends place. I honestly hate it, but she is nor at home either and that itself is such a huge relief for my stress level.
Does she plan to return?
I'm wondering if she plans to return to school but you probably don't know, either. How would DH feel about her moving back? Hopefully, he would say no but I know how these dads are...sigh.
A plan, who knows ... not a good one at least
I don't know if she has a plan. I asked her if she like the school and she said yes, she did. I can tell you she has been home in 3 days. I believe the plan is to be as far away from us as possible from how she acts. It is super telling to me that she doesn't really care about us as family. Doesn't care to be around us, she much rather stay at the boyfriends, who lives with his grandfather. I think she will return to school on academic probation. Hopefully do well enough to continue. However as long as the boyfriend is in the picture, he will continue to be a diversion. He isn't in school, so when visiting it more her entertaining him as opposed to make time to putting any effort into studying. If she could have her cake and eat it too, she would go to school, live in an apartment off campus witht the boyfriend on our dime and play house. I think if she doesn't do well and school excuses her, she will have no choice but to return... but will she live with us? I don't honestly know. I would be willing to bet she will get a place with the loser boyfriend and live paycheck to paycheck with the occassional tears to Daddy to help pay for whatever she wants... god knows she will not be able to pay her school loan back, so I am assuming we are going to have to eat that. ... my plan is to pray for sanity.
Aggravating
I'm voting for the BF option, too. Many of us have matured during early BF relationships or marriages, maybe that's what will happen with her. The less DH rescues, the faster she will grow up but my DH never grasped that concept.
They will never be able to make it
The BF 23 and is a deli clerk in a grocery store with no education or ambition. Driving a car with the window busted out since August. She is 18 and currently on academic probation, failing out of college. She also went through 6K this semester - 3 months. I don't know what she spent it on but that seems like a lot when you have a meal plan and housing paid for. Doesn't see to me like either one are mature enough to grow up and be on their own. I don't want to have to help her all of her life the the BM parents have to do with the BM
Dh needs to let her fail...
And not on your dime, either.
She will learn more
As painful as it will be to watch, SD will receive an education in life if she goes the BF route. That's IF nobody bails her out along the way. I received my PhD in living in poverty and facing reality during my first marriage to a handsome, sexy, creative man who had little work ethic and no idea how to act as a father or husband.
She does not have the drive
She doesn't have the drive to or true testament to want more... she has been given everything her entire life. Nothing was ever earned. Her car, given by grandparents. Her job, hire by grandma and then given a role of authority which embellished the attitude. There is always an excuse as to why the work wasn't done... she didn't get the assignment, it was showing, the email didn't go through, they changed the date... life doesn't work that way and she will unfortuantley have to learn the hard way.
Not a proud phase of my life,
Not a proud phase of my life, but my University first semester GPA was as low as it can get. This may not be a fatal event for her undergrad career.
I would suggest that you and dad inform her that she is on her own for the second semester. If she passes all of her second semester classes with a C or better, reimburse her the tuition. Never again pay first. She performs and you pay later.
Cut me off?
On Christmas day I asked her to be back from visiting at 2pm ... we were hosting dinner for 3pm and needed last minute help. She arrived at 2:46 and asked if needed help... I responded, yes and I needed help at 2pm too. She stomped outside. He went out and said what is wrong? She responded, nothing... (I guess with an attitude) and he told me she said, you know, you better get your self in check? You didn't do well in school and have nothing but an attitude. He said she responded with, tired of hearing that we pay for everything and he said, we are paying for everything, there is no one else helping. And she responded with.... what are you going to do? Cut me off?
I wish I was out there... I hope he does!
I hope he said "Yes, you will be cut off....
if you do not get your shit together and realize that my wife and I are the only people in your court. So, pass all of your classes next semester with a C or better and interface with us regularly and respecfully or ... we will put our money somewhere that gives up pleasure rather than being the PITA that you are."
Lather, rinse, repeat.
6k?
Is that your marital assets that are supporting disrespectful SD? Or does she have a job somewhere? How do you know she spent 6k?
Hopefully expectations and repercussions will be present moving forward.