Supervised Visitation
Forums:
Is there anyone that can give some advice or knows anything about supervised vistations?
I am wondering if it's possible to have BM take a required drug test if these ever come to be. Also, is it us (me and DH) who decide the other party that goes to the visits or is this something decided by family court?
*We have not actually gotten this far yet. I am just trying to think ahead. Thanks in advance!*
Supervised visitation
My grandson's BM has been on supervised visitation for over 2 years now. She is required to use a professional supervisor (not a friend or relative as is sometimes done). The court also ordered monthly drug tests to be provided to the court and the BF. As far as others at visitation, usually that is not the norm, for at least the first 90 days. It can also be allowed if both parties agree to have another party be part of the visits. Basically, the court order should address all of this. Also, each supervisor has a list of rules that both parties must agree to prior to starting visitation.
Good luck with your current problems. Supervised visitation is usually difficult to get, unless you have very solid proof of drug abuse, physical abuse, etc. My grandson's BD hired a private investigator who followed the BM to obtain solid proof of drug use and neglect. I can't stress that enough.....solid proof is the most important thing when it comes to having a court consider supervised visitation.
Would messages between her
Would messages between her and SS count as proof? We have many, many Facebook messages between the two of them where she was offering to buy him alcohol, weed and vape pens (all while he was only about 15/16 years old) to hang out with her. SS also said that he would testify against her if needed and that she keeps weed laying out in very obvious places in her home (where her boyfriend's 13 year old son also lives). Really at this point we have multiple Facebook messages with DH and SS.
They certainly could. I would
They certainly could. I would present them. In front of the idiot in court. Let her blow a gasket in front of the Judge.
And have fun watching her lose her shit.
I would certainly be happy to
I would certainly be happy to see her face if all the messages were read out loud. I also would like to see her reaction if we had SS take the stand and testify against her. That is the one thing that she has admitted makes her feel the most nervous.
Informal supervised visitation
My ex-SIL has custody of his grandson. He was married to SD60 and GD39 is their daughter, she's the mother of the boy. I dont know the reason why this all happened, I suspect drugs but SD and GD were living together at the time and SD has no judgment so it could be anything.
Anyway, ex-SIL is in the driver's seat. He loves the boy and is fiercely protective and devoted to him. He knows how deceitful and stupid SD is. He really put them both thru the wringer in order to see the boy. He put a GPS on the car seat and subjects them to random drug tests. When he considered allowing them take the boy away from his house for visitation, he called me to ask about SD's fitness. He said he wasnt asking DH because he knew DH would lie for her. I told him she was devoted when with the child but I had hesitations about her driving. He withholds visitation any time GD is out of line in any way.
GD has responded well, she's trying to abide by his wishes as best she can.
I'm going thru all this to say that having custody allowed ex-SIL to make rules about visitation in our case.
So DH would be the main ring
So DH would be the main ring-leader, so to speak? He has full sole custody of SD (SS has aged out) for about 8 years now. I am hoping that would play in his advantage and he would be able to call the shots.
That's the way....
That's the way it worked out with ex-SIL. However, SD60 and GD aren't too sharp. I can see a bright BM going to court to modify that. But, that's how it played out here, plus GD was so grateful, she was willing to go along.
BM is not exactly the
BM is not exactly the brighest person in the world - I believe the years and years of drug use have greatly affected her brain and cognitive thinking skills.
Family Court decides on
Family Court decides on supervised visits, unless it says something in DH's custody order indicating that he can make that decision. If the order doesn't say anything about visits with BM, and he has sole custody, he can make the decision until/unless she takes it back to court. If it doesn't say anything about visits but BM has joint custody, he doesn't get to decide. That would be my take on it.
The legal documentation we
The legal documentation we have from the judge states that BM has zero visitation rights at all. This was after the second court date that she missed with DH. He also has sole custody, per the judge, as well. I am hoping that means the ball is 100% in his court with this one?
Hi Emily...I read a post of
Hi Emily...I read a post of your's from July,
BM lost custody and visitation right's correct? The current court order reflects the same?, yes?
Are there criminal charges pending conviction? Felony drug/felony child neglect? I know you are thinking ahead...how far ahead? If you mentioned that before, I am sorry I missed it
MOM will have to get a lawyer and request visitation with a Modification to current order in court. HER request for modification is the first thing that will have to happen because right now she has ZERO anything.
THAT is when you can request sup visits.
*I wish lawyers would tell their clients everything*I am sorry you were not told this.
IF mom calls dh and asks for visitation tell dh to hold the line. BM has to follow the rules just like everyone else. Same goes for her family that may try to manipulate dh.
IF she asks for her family to supervise (most do because they are easy to manipulate) don't be so quick to say OK. I knew of a bm who asked that HER sibling be the supervisor. Turns out that pos was arrested too and had a rap sheet just like SHE did. smh --remember apples do not fall far from the trees.
Yes, BM lost custody and
Yes, BM lost custody and visitation rights about 8 years ago. We have kept every bit of legal documentation about it, and I also made sure that the kid's schools always had a copy.
As far as I know, there are no current pending criminal charges. She is, however, a convicted felon and PFO. She also has an arrest record about 30 pages long (the most recent was 2018). She told DH over a year ago that she put a retainer down on an attorney, but we have received absolutely no paperwork at all since then. She claims to have filed for visitation rights, but surely we would have heard something by now? Previous to this, she has messaged DH on Facebook and said she would "do anything" to see SD (she even offered to PAY to see her). I don't believe that there is anyone in her family that would really agree to supervise (most of them have caught off contact from being burned so many times). The only family member that is on her side is her sister, who lives in Nevada. Her biggest enabler was her mother, but she is deceased. DH and I would rather die than let the sister be the supervisor, because she has been the biggest one gas-lighting and guilt-tripping SD and BM about the entire thing. I really think that either DH or myself would be the best person for the job, but she would never agree to it. She wants someone there that would take her side and not tell the full, ugly truth and remove SD if things get to be too much for her.
I wouldn't get family, of any
I wouldn't get family, of any sort mixed up in visitation. This includes you and your DH. Supervision centres exist for a reason and you should insist on any visitation she gets being supervised in one of these places. Oh, and it's up to bm to pay for it. Do not offer a penny towards this.