Probably time to stop being so obliging!  Let your bf do all the cooking when his son is at your place. Be civil to the lad but don't bend yourself out of shape trying to please, and let your bf do all the practical caring for the boy.  Disengaging is a moveable feast and you can disengage as much or as little as feels comfortable to you.  If your bf gets defensive about stuff to do with his son, that is absolutely not your problem. 

Only you can decide if you should walk away, but your BF is the problem and the fact that you cannot even talk about the issues with him, is going to make this relationship really hard. You will become more and more resentful.

The kind of parent that he is does matter and it will (as you already know) affect your relationship.

Not all men with kids are like this. My DH had rules and boundaries regarding his daughter, she was taught to respect adults (not ignore them), and he did not let her play head games with him.

I feel like i bend over backwards to make events special, christmas, birthdays, easter etc etc.

Definitely stop doing this ^^^ if you decide to stay. But really, it doesn't sound like just disengaging is going to solve the real problem.

Recognizing that you might be in over your head is a good thing. Some women are stubborn and insist on sticking it out, hoping things will change, and waste a lot of years. And, it's not that you are in over your head, it's just that the man you are with is a sucky parent. I'm sure you would make a great step mom, in the right circumstance.

It's just going to get worse. Imagine having to deal with him when he's a teen with no rules?! Save yourself and run far far away. Your bf is crap parent and thst never bodes well for anyone.

Imagine having to deal with him when he's a teen with no rules?

Agree, and by that time, some boys want to live with their dad. Even if not, the 50% that he is not with his dad will not be as serene as it is now, as teens have so many more issues that need to be dealt with.

Read back to yourself what you wrote. This is the deal your looking at, don't count on anything getting better and decide if you can live like this indefinitely.

My DH wanted to be the more popular parent, too.  He achieved that goal leading to all 3 SKs moving in here.  Guilt was a big part of it, too.  I'd think long and hard about whether to continue the relationship.  Read around on here, there are many guilty Disney Dads.  Not good.

Wishing you the best.

Both the parents are crap parents, if they aren't teaching the SS to be respectful of adults and they are competing to be the favorite parent, do not think for one second that either parent are going to magically start acting like a good parent.

They are not teaching him any social skills to be productive future adult. Most skids that are raised with competing parents do not have the social skills to make it in life on their own. When the skid is in high school, why should he even think about getting a summer job or helping around the house? Mommy and Daddy are busy competing to be the favorite parent and will do everything for him. After High School, the skid will probably not go to college, you will have a couch potato in your life. As some have said living in the basement apartment that Mom or Dad furnish, no job, no friends, just living off mom or dad for a free ride. This is the type of future that you can look forward to with you BF. Life is too short and you are young enough to find someone to share your life with that has the same values as you. Find someone that doesn't have kids or that at least parents like an adult.

two years is long enough to know where things are headed. There are red flags all over this guy, and you know this in your heart, but your mind is saying "hes a great guy! Things are perfect when the kid isnt there with us! But I LOVE him".

Trust me when I say that love isnt enough. Read around on here, some of us have been in this teplife for 40 -50 plus years (JRI hello). Im in this 8 plus years, and I can tell you that only talking to the bio parent when you sitting right there is BAD MANNERS and this leads to SHUNNING which is a form of abuse.

There are other red flags, thats the one that stands out to me the biggest. Others have comments about the wanting to be the favorite "ffun parent" which we call "Disney Dad/Mom". They do it so the kid will "pick them", and it gets worse, affecting the financials. Ive read stories about how kids get so spoiled at one house, the other house goes into actual debt to try to keep up. These Disney Dads then turn into ATM Dads when the BM starts alienating the kid against Dad and Stepmom. Not saying this is true for your situation, but just letting you know this happens and where it leads to.

SO, now is the time to read up. Vent away, but you will get our honest opinion. REALLY think hard about what you want for your future. Life is too short to spend it bending yourself into a pretzel so some snot nosed brat can cut you down, and then you get blamed as being "the problem". You slip into depression because it becomes so isolating and hurtful. You start bellieving that you ARE the problem and start spending more time and more money on "fixing things", and it just makes them disrespect you more.

The food thing and the 7 year old shunning you has really set me off. This hasnt happened to me, but I just am feeling really bad that you are going through this. The kid rejecting your food, and your partner laughing it off and making him something else is a horrible way to teach the kid its ok to be a spoiled selfish coddled BRAT.

Heres what you should do while you are thinking and considering where you want to go with things;

1. Disengage. You do not cook, clean, bake, buy for kiddo. I know its the holidays. And we all have that vision of what we see for ourselves during that time. Pour this energy into your family. Make presents and cookies for/with them. If they are close by, go do that stuff with them.

2. Have a deeply thoughtout heart to heart with your partner. Tell him how you feel during these visits with SS. Tell him how you feel about the shunning and the treatment. Let him know that it is an unnacceptable situation for long term. I know it will be tough, but do it in a caring way. That you want the best thing for everyone...like that.

Good luck and keep reading and posting!

I don't have much to add, except, would you be happy with a job you liked 50% of the time? How about if you felt 50% healthy? What about a friend who was nice to you 50% of the time?

People in love tend to blame the child or the ex instead of their significant other, but no child can behave this way without the support of their parents. BM in our situation had no rules, but we had rules in our home, and SS21 was far better behaved here. Yes, it led to BM being the favorite parent, and SS even refusing to speak to DH for years, but we stayed together as a result.

Your BF is not a good parent. Start by disengaging and letting him handle everything for his son. If you choose to cook for yourself and BF, he can figure out a meal for his son.  If son is rude to you, stop eating with him. Stop going places with them.

We women often try to be the fixers in relationships, let your BF do some fixing. You'll find out then if this can work or not.

Lots of signs you should walk (actually, run). Don't waste your life, enjoying only 50%! 

And always remember, at any time your BF could suddenly get 100% custody. 

Re-enforcing   standards of polite behavior has absolutely nothing to with being spiteful.  Stand your ground.  This applies to not only his interface with you but with anyone.

My ex let's my youngest play video games whenever, he also has a TV in his room and free range use of electronics at his dad's.  It makes me have to be the mean mom who doesn't allow any video games and limited TV time in the living room (we have one TV and no cable). My son is 10 now and he knows I feel it's for his benefit. Its tough to have 2 sets of rules.

Talk to your bf about setting rules for your home with screen time and bedtime. 

I agree with letting your bf handle mealtime for his picky eater....or maybe talk to the kiddo about what he would like to eat....that way he can eat what he helped choose....and make it clear there won't be any making something else if he changes his mind. 

Bottom line is your bf is gonna have to help set and enforce the rules...  if he doesn't,  this could get ugly quick.

My SD lives out of state and we had her for her birthday a few years ago when she was turning 17. I got her a cake...a chocolate cake. I've seen her eat brownies and chocolate...but after blowing out the candles she announced she didn't like chocolate cake. I was dumbstruck.  Since that time I have watched her eat chocolate cake.....  sometimes it doesn't matter what you do, its not going to be right,  which is all the more reason for laying out clear rules now.