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Feeling stupid

Thash876's picture

Submitted by Thash876 on Tue, 11/09/2021 - 6:52pm

So I just found out that 3 years ago when me and my gf broke up (for about a month) she was considering getting back with her baby daddy. She then found out that she was pregnant with my son at the time and also found out that he had gotten another girl pregnant. So she cut things with him and decided to work things out with me.

Now 3 years later I can't help but to feel bothered by the situation. I feel like If it wasn't for him fucking up or her being pregnant with my son that she wouldn't be here or we wouldn't be together. I since then found inappropriate text (them talking about the day that they made their son) constant efforts of her trying to secretly add him on social media and more. I just don't trust her and this has made me unattracted to her. Lately things have been good but I still have the thought in the back of my mind that they secretly still want each other. I don't know if I'm over thinking or if I should just let this relationship go. 
 

on top of everything is do so much for their son and I feel stupid. I feel like I'm getting played but I have no legitimate proof lol. Any advice? I'm 28 yo

Comments

caninelover's picture

Submitted by caninelover on Tue, 11/09/2021 - 6:59pm

Please use birth control every time and don't make any more babies with this person or anyone else unless you trust them and are committed to them.

Secondly of course you should be bothered by this.  How did you 'just find out' vs knowing 3 years ago?

Third, stop doing things for their son.  She needs to parent him.

At this stage you can talk to your partner about your issues but really if there is no trust this may not work out.  And ending things now would be better than later.  Sorry for being blunt. 

Either way I hope things work out for you in the end.

Thash876's picture

Submitted by Thash876 on Tue, 11/09/2021 - 7:07pm

Thanks. And she told me that he tried to get back with her during the break up but she never said that she was interested. I recently saw a draft on her computer of her sending an email as if she were speaking to me saying" me and John did not do anything with each other but I did entertain the thought of us getting back together." 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 11/10/2021 - 5:38am

I would feel insecure in my relationship too, if I was in your shoes. 

Have you considered going to couples therapy? A big thing to build that trust that has been broken now is her creating strong boundaries and making sure to be fully open and honest about communication with him. If she tries to use "He is my child's father" excuse to talk to him behind your back or say things that can be construed as flirting, I can promise you that it is inappropriate and disrespectful to you. They only need to discuss: Health, School, transportation/visitation. Anything else social is too much. 

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Wed, 11/10/2021 - 9:06am

I don't really see anything wrong with considering her options three years ago. However, This... 

 

I feel like If it wasn't for him fucking up or her being pregnant with my son that she wouldn't be here or we wouldn't be together. I since then found inappropriate text (them talking about the day that they made their son) constant efforts of her trying to secretly add him on social media and more. I just don't trust her and this has made me unattracted to her.

 

Is a serious red flag. End the relationship or go to counseling. This will just eat at you until you eventually break up anyway.