Ok is this weird or is this me
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DH just found out BM let's SD14 watch R rated movies. Ok I'm sure I did to at 14 with friends BUT what DH and I find strange is BM AND BM's husband will watch these movies with SD14. No it's not because they want to make sure there is not anything Inappropriate. BM came right out and told SD14 there maybe "Nudity" and SD14 can Choose to look away or not her Choice. SD14 also is NOT the one picking these movies out it's BM and her husband.
DH and I maybe "Old-fashioned" but we find it kinda odd that "family movie night" with SD14 would involve R rated movies with Nudity and probably sex.
Yes DH knows he can't control what goes on at BM's house but I'm just asking if people think it's weird
They probably justify it by
They probably justify it by saying that R rated simply means that under 17s have to be accompanied by an adult and that is what they are doing.
Is it family movie night? or
Is it family movie night? or are they just watching some movies as part of their regular routine.. and SD is welcome to watch.. or not?
Technically, for R rated movies, it's up to a parent to decide if the movie content is appropriate and whether their child under 17 is mature or capable of watching it.
There certaiinly can be some R rated that might have subject matter ok for a teen despite some things that may be mature in nature... language, violence etc...
I would say there is a difference between having a 14 yo watch the movies in general vs an 8 year old too.
If watching these is making the 14 yo uncomfortable, then they should be able to ask to be excused and should be encouraged by your DH to do so. Otherwise, I guess he has to deferr to his EX when it is happening on her time (and technically R means acccompany someone under 17 by a parent so they are going by the rating requirements apparently)
No it’s “family movie night” don’t a join if you want
Guess I'm old fashioned and a Prune(lol). If I had a step son the same age I would be Uncomfortable watching naked adults having sex with him.
As a teen, I definitely
As a teen, I definitely watched R movies with my mom, so it doesn't cause any alarm bells to go off for me, but I also don't think my mom would get any awards on her parental boundaries either.
I think there are too many variables. Like are the kids mature and could handle that extra scare or gore factor in a horror movie? Or are they a more timid kid who might be upset by the images? Is the nudity or sex scene a chance for adults to ask kids if they've heard about something yet or want to ask questions, or does it just heighten silence/shame/discomfort.
"It depends" is such an annoying answer, I know, but I think it's more than age but maturity and parent-child communication about the stuff in the movie.
I see your point
I guess what DH and I found Uncomfortable not so much SD14 was watching these movies, the gore or violence or even she was watching with BM. It's the fact step dad joined in too. If it was just a horror movie and no sex then maybe but a adult man and a teen girl watching a R rated movie with Nudity/sex just made my skin crawl. Again just my opinion
I think this is a great
I think this is a great opening for your DH to talk to his daughter about the subject matter and situation. Has she said that it makes her uncomfortable? I do think that the fact that her mom is there... and it's not just SD exposing her to racy content, I mean, it's not like they are alone and he is acting predatory by this type of thing necessarily. And.. honestly, so many movies have these elements in them that it may be limiting to try to find one that is not going to have something objectionable.
But, her dad can talk to her about how watching with her mom and SD make her feel... what she thinks of the subject matter.. does it make her have any questions in that area etc...
It depends on the R reasoning
It depends on the R reasoning. I have all teens and DD14 got to watch things earlier than the rest, just the luck of being the youngest with 3 older brothers.
I will add that my kids will rarely sit and watch a movie with DH and I at this point. All of them have better things to do than hang out with us!
There's a difference in a
There's a difference in a movie having sex in it versus sex being the center point.
Old school horror movies depicted teen sex, not to promote it, but as a metaphor about how sex leads to bad consequences (in the case of the movies, it was murder and death versus STDs and babies). It doesn't strike me as weird to watch Friday the 13th with a teen.
However, a movie where having sex is the goal (American Pie) or sex is the theme (50 Shades of Grey), that's not a choice I'd make as a parent.
But, this issue isn't specific to R-rated movies. Titanic is PG-13 and includes nudity, sex, murder, death (and child death - remember the frozen infant in the ocean?), violence, and suicide. Hocus Pocus is PG and is centered around three cannibalistic witches who are awoken by a verified virgin (*giggle giggle*) and it's considered a childhood classic. I like Hocus Pocus, but that's a weird premise for a "family-friendly" film.
Sex can be depicted in a multitude of ways in entertainment, so I'd focus less on it being an "R-rated sex scene" and more on the premise of the movie/show.
My parents took us to see
My parents took us to see Animal House when I was 14 at the local base theater. They had seen the movie stateside.. but apparently the version in military theaters was a bit more explicit..haha
I agree that the theme of the movie in general would be more of interest to me than whether there was some element that wasn't the main focus.
I mean it's not like they are
I mean it's not like they are sitting down and turning on a porno and telling SD she better watch and learn. You even said BM forewarns her daughter there might be nudity or sex and she can look away. Think of all the R rated movies that don't have sex but instead depict graphic violence. Or the R movies that have extremely foul language. I can gurantee you at 14 if SD has accress to the internet and other teens she has seen and heard a whole lot worse than what is in an R rated movie.
Kids see so much worse on
Kids see so much worse on their phones, this is not a very big deal to me.
It's just a case of different
It's just a case of different standards I guess. I recall a friend allowing his son to watch Fight Club when he was about 7 or 8 years old and I was horrified but he saw no issue with it.
I personally wouldn't want to expose kids to R rated movies before they were 16-17 but chances are they are seeing far worse stuff at friends house or via their phones anyway.