BM had 2 kids from 2 previous marriages before her and DH married. The daughter is just like mommy-dearest. The son, from what I heard, was a good kid. His dad had primary custody so DH only saw him on school breaks since they were out of state. exSS's dad and SM were helpful to DH and I in the peak of court battles, etc.

Well, out of the blue last night exSS22 messaged DH and asked if DH still thought of him as a son. DH replied with "Yes, but why?". He said it was because DH had been on his mind a lot lately and he missed him. 

Y'all. My heart. I just bawled. It kills me that the young man, who is an exSS and hasn't seen DH in 9 years reaches out more than DH's own kid. 

exSS will snapchat and send meme's and stuff to DH. Just a light and casual relationship. I always thought it was good that things never went bad between them. Especially since DH and BM divorced when he was a teenager, but wow. DH and I didn't  talk about it after, I was afraid that what we were both thinking was too painful to say. 

I wanted to message SS so bad and tell him that it was pathetic that his brother has a better relationship with DH than he does. Of course I didn't, but the desire to still say something is there. Why is this all so hard still? 

I have done good, you would be proud. I haven't spoken of Christmas plane tickets to DH and I know he hasn't bought them. I haven't reached out the the lawyer again- Still no word on CS being decided. I haven't brought anything up about any of it, but then this happens and I want to fix it. I want to fix and unfixable relationship between SS17 and DH. Why can't I fully check out??