I am so sorry that it ended in divorce but the marriage was unsustainable, as long as she continued to enable her adult kids. You are certainly not the bad guy, nor are you crazy for recognizing a dysfunctional dynamic and not wanting to be a part of it.

We all deserve partners who WANT to be our partner. That is not what your wife wants, she wants to be there for her adult offspring, no matter what the cost, with NO consideration for you. That's not a marriage. She is also doing her kids a disservice but that's another matter.

Live a great life and do what you need to do for you to heal, knowing that you absolutely did do your best.

Sorry that happened to you. I wouldn't put a blanket ban on dating people with kids, but exploring their attitude towards their children moving back home and being financially dependent would be a must. 

When we marry, there are more than 2 people at the altar, I've found.  In our case, there were 7 people there: me, DH and, invisbly, the 5 kids.  I suppose it's true in a first wedding, too, but it's more true when there are children involved.  We are marrying those kids as well as our spouse.

When good people marry toxic people the journey to freedom and normalcy can be difficult.  I was shed of that experience 31 years ago.  She went on to three out of wedlock children, two pregnancies resulting from cheating,  and is on at least DH #3.

Congratulations on your new life adventure. 

Only I haven't reached the divorce stage yet.

DW spends all her time running after my SD29 and her son and it doesn't matter what I want. I have no input in her eyes as to what goes on under my own roof. I considered divorce on a number of occasions but haven't quite 'broken' yet. I'm now doing what I want to do when I want to do it. If the SD needs something done, ask someone else... I don't give a damn anymore.

Like you, I only ever wanted the best for them but the way my DW runs after them they are turning out to be spoilt, selfish, entitled adults. Not my problem anymore...

Good luck with the future, I hope you'll find someone who appreciates you - which is all I ever wanted.

to hear about your divorce being finalized.  Just know that you are wiser now and better days lie ahead for you.

Leave your ex and her kids to enjoy their enmeshed codependent life together.

I was married to a man when I first joined this site a thousand years ago.  We have since divorced.  I too am childless.  I'm in a great new relationship now with a man and some teens.  Its wonderful and its 4 years in.

There is hope.

Well this sounds familiar. My DH has always put SD on a pedestal and I've always felt like the outsider, an accessory, a financing mechanism, a maid, and a personal assistant. The triangulation has always been a major issue. I was at the point of "perhaps it's time to walk away for my own health and sanity". I had brought up counseling multiple times only to be met with "I did that with <BM> and it didn't work" (this comment and ones similar to it have always created tension). Finally, DH saw the seriousness of his actions/inactions. Time will tell whether recent changes will last... 

I'm sorry that you went through this time and that she obviously didn't value you enough to create boundaries. Know that that is her failing, not yours. Learn from the experience and know what to watch out for in future relationships. Boundaries and priorities are important. 

You are there to keep the Happy Family going. The kids can do no wrong. Kids come first.  Deep down they know because they hide it when dating.  Only after you actually get together you see the real person. 
First thing is to tell you  You are wrong, kids are wright,  you hurt there feelings.  You try to do better. But it's never enough. 
What gets me is BF does nothing. But you are the wrong one