Those are not shared, house expenses, and I would not pay for half of them.

Not that I believe in nickel and diming each other, but those are obviously HER expenses, which she gets a good amount of child support for. And, those are not nickels and dimes, they add up to a bit of money over time.

Yes, it's a red flag that she expects you to cover half of her child's expenses (and that she got upset when you tried to talk to her about it). He's 6, now, what happens when he drives? Goes to a pricey, private school? Goes to college?

Make a list of the actual house expenses and tell her that is what you will be paying half of.

You are at the 2 year mark, which is generally when you start getting to know the real person, as their true self. Moving in together will also allow you to start seeing the real her. That's when some people let their guards down and show sides of themselves that they didn't want seen, before.

Any other red flags that you have noticed?

Now is probably a good time to be clear that you won't provide financial support for her son, and expect her and the Bio dad to do so.

It sounds like she is expecting you to do so and those expenses were testing the water.

Also, I don't want to say your GF is sneaky, well, I guess I do, because she KNOWS those are not "house" expenses. And, it wasn't an innocent oversight, considering she got pissed when you confronted her.

Sir, YES it is a red flag

where is the 600 going in child support? Do you see where is goes OR is she padding it in a private saving's account?

She should be paying you 2/3 of all expenses to your 1/3

PLEASE protect yourself before she becomes pregnant THEN you are really stuck.

sorry to be so blunt.

Welcome to step talk...

Does she work?

Sounds like the two of you need to sit down to talk about finances, responsibilities, goals and points of view. You need to spell out even the uncomfortable stuff, like how you like her son but he already has two parents who are responsible for his support. 

To be clear, you are not obligated to support or parent her child in any way. What you choose to do for him should be extra, not expected. Your gf is still a single parent, even if she lives with a SO. Sure, there's lots of room for compromise, but it's important to communicate clearly from the beginning so everyone knows what their role is and is not. The top two reasons for divorce are differences in parenting and differences in financial philosophy, so talk this stuff out now.

Hmmmmmmmmm

'just saying'...everyone.

INFO: Where is the Child Support going? If she wants to deduct child expenses $1200.00 ($600.00 from ex & THE AMOUNT SO IS EXPECTED TO CONTRIBUTE TO CHILD SUPPORT) should be going into the joint fund. 

This should have been hashed out before you moved in together. At this point, I'd have a counselor moderate as a 3rd party. 

As many others have asked where is the childsupport going? She should be contributing more towards groceries. As far as haircuts and daycare that is her sole expense not yours. You are not responsible for that. Since this is all new you should get finances and your level of involvement in his daily care ironed out asap so there won't be any conflict going forward. However, I think the joke was in poor taste and made you come across as petty.

That's a no from me, she has no right to get mad. I'm going to reach and say she was adding little expenses that should be her and her son's father financial obligations slowly to see if you noticed/said anything. 
 

I'm going to give you the same advise I've given childless woman, don't start doing anything you don't want to do for the step kid forever. Whatever you choose to do is up you but your girlfriend's son has a father. Have the "hard" conversations now of how you see your role in the relationship, his inadequacy isn't your fault or responsibility to fix. I went with dad's gf and now dad's wife, I help my hubby when needed if needed but otherwise I'm hands off. 
 

There are a few step parents on here that have embraced being a mom/dad but there aren't very many success stories, where they don't feel taken advantage of as ATMs or free daycare/maids/baby sisters. 

and I'm still floored about a 2 yr old boy's $25 haircut? Not sure where you live (LA or NYC?) where a haircut for a kid is this expensive. I raised my son since his dad and I divorced when son was 6 yrs old. My son's dad remarried a few years later, I chose to remain unmarried while raising my son. I didn't expect my son's dad's wife to care for or pay anything for my son, while I received minimal child support, I earned a nice salary. We did have one agreement in place, that if I were to get stuck at the hospital (where I worked in downtown Dallas) and or stuck in parking lot type traffic and unable to pick up my son from afterschool care, I could call my son's dad to ask her or I could call her directly to see if she was available to pick him up before afterschool care closed. This happened only twice before I was hired at a hospital close to where we lived, our homes were 10 minutes apart. We all got along, no drama. I always thanked her and would send something she liked with my son next time he visited them on a weekend. The point is this...your SO knows that her kid's expenses are not your responsibility. Also, you are not a step-dad and dicipline and childrearing are best left to the two bio parents the little boy has in his life. Pace yourself, have the budget discussion with her and make sure you don't have a lot of money (or overdraft to your bank account) that could be used without a mutual agreement. 

Things get really foggy when finances are concerend and seems like clarity...now...is the best way to resolve this before it gets ugly. Both of you seem to have different expectations and discussing those right now are important. Just my two or three cents...and from living with someone several years ago (for a year) that kept track of the 40% I 'owed' for living expenses each month.  He put a storage unit rental fee, a unit that had no room for my boxes, so he expected me to pay half when he used all of it for him and his two kids stuff. 

She talks about how I'm a step dad now and we're a family. I'm not sure if it's about the money or more a manipulation tactic to get me to take the role of husband and father

It sounds like it's both.

Why do you pick him up from school? There is nothing wrong with helping your partner out here and there, but be careful of getting stuck in that role. She needs to ask and not just expect that it's your job, she should be okay when you say, "no", and she should be appreciative when you do it.

I know this hard to deal with; you just moved in together, you have been with her for two years, and feel like you should be able to trust her. You want to trust her, but you have a bunch of women on this site telling you that you definitely have some red flags. We know how manipulative women (and single parents who want someone to fill that other parent role) can be.

Please don't overlook these red flags. You are going to have to have the tough conversation with her, and it might not go well. She is going to get upset and defensive, come up with justifications (we are a family), and when you disagree on certain points, she is going to claim that you don't love her or her son.

She works AND she gets 600.00 a month CS, there is no reason that you should have to cover anything for her son.

This is the stuff that can cause A LOT of resentment, over time. Draw your boundaries, now. It's a HUGE red flag if she gives you push back. She should be perfectly willing to support and take care of her own son. Being in a relationship with her, moving in with her, even marrying her, does not make you responsible for her son (that would be called, "adoption").

HUGE red flag. Personally, I feel like she is taking advantage of you. It's not that she CAN'T afford a $25 haircut for her son. She just WANTS you to pay for it. Sounds like she is pushing you into a step-dad role to guilt you into these things (school pick up, etc.) 

Personally I wouldn't have a joint account at all. If rent is $1,000 each month for example, then she can Venmo you her portion. No need to put money in, if you have to monitor what it is being spent on. Especially if she is sneaky about it. When I moved in with my BF (now DH), he had a 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo. I would give him 1/3 for monthly expenses and HE was the one that suggested it. He didn't expect me to cover a portion of his daughter's living expenses. 

There is no right or wrong level of involvement for a stepparent. The important thing is you are doing what you're comfortable with. For some people that's nothing, for others they are more of a parent than the bios. For most it's in between.

You need to explain this to your GF. She might have certain expectations and desires for your role in the family and you need to explain you're not comfortable with that level. You may be later but right now the more she pushes it the more you question things. It's best to let it evolve naturally.

My thought is that anything a stepparent does for a stepkids is voluntary and should be appreciated, but not expected. Splitting living costs is one thing, but all those extras should be when you want them. I would contribute your half to this account and if she starts dipping into it for other things then explain that this is an account for bills only. Maybe you need to list out what the account is for like rent, power, water, cable, phone... And what it isn't for like entertainment, car notes...etc...

Ive been with my DH for 7 years now and we don't share accounts. You don't have to do it.

Are still looking for that big Happy Family.  The one that did not work the first time.  She wants you to love SS as your own.  And take care of him as your own.  And all be happy together.  So a few hundred $ a month is no big deal for you. You must see this is how it's going.  Or going to be.  You taking SS everywhere, Very little alone time.  You taking SS on all vacations. 
Question. Do you have any alone time except when BF picks up SS. ?   Does she get a babysitter, and you go out alone?   Do you ever talk about doing adult things alone?  Going on get a ways?

You must realize this is how she see life.  It's your choice what to do  

We never had this conversation.  Not even while dating.  We met when SS was 15mos old.  We did not live together until we married the week before SS turned 2yo.  If we were on a date I paid.  We each paid our own bills.

After we married we blended finances and all income was family income.  Bills were paid, haircuts were obtained, etc.....  

Does she share the CS money with you ie does it go into a joint account? If not, then I don't think it's fair for her to be asking you to split costs for her son.

That being said, I do think that when you take someone with a kid you will incur some additional expenses - it's part and parcel of the commitment so it's one you want to think very hard about. The time is also now to have these discussions, set boundaries and align expectations.

I've fully blended all money with my DH and we did that from the start. It works for us but I understand it's not or everyone. I do think though that you run the risk of constant fights if arguing over minor details like items on grocery bills etc. My skids tell me that BM and her husband fight all the time about the little costs ie grocery bills etc. So I'm assuming they mostly don't blend finances and it's a constant source of tension as a result. 

I'm also curious, what would happen if you had a kid or kids together? Would you still expect her to cover all expenses for SS while she's off work caring for your child? These are big questions you need to discuss now before you progress the relationship any further. 

I would strongly recommend counselling to support these difficult conversations and align expectations. It will also confirm one way or the other whether you have the basis for a solid relationship or not. 

Does she share the CS money with you ie does it go into a joint account? If not, then I don't think it's fair for her to be asking you to split costs for her son.

That being said, I do think that when you take on someone with a kid you will incur some additional expenses - it's part and parcel of the commitment so it's one you want to think very hard about. The time is also now to have these discussions, set boundaries and align expectations.

I've fully blended all money with my DH and we did that from the start. It works for us but I understand it's not or everyone. I do think though that you run the risk of constant fights if arguing over minor details like items on grocery bills etc. My skids tell me that BM and her husband fight all the time about the little costs ie grocery bills etc. So I'm assuming they mostly don't blend finances and it's a constant source of tension as a result. 

I'm also curious, what would happen if you had a kid or kids together? Would you still expect her to cover all expenses for SS while she's off work caring for your child? These are big questions you need to discuss now before you progress the relationship any further. 

I would strongly recommend counselling to support these difficult conversations and align expectations. It will also confirm one way or the other whether you have the basis for a solid relationship or not. 

Having read all the comments I believe the biggest red flag is trying to cut the fathers visitation down and replace him with you. Does that sound like a good and moral thing to do?! 

I think you are starting to see things for what they are, but in case you need reinforcement:

1.) Every other weekend visitation is pretty standard. 50/50 is starting to become the norm, but if a BM puts up any fuss, judges will rule that BM is the custodial parent and BF is the non-custodial. So, BF getting his son EOWE isn't him being "sorta involved". It's him being as involved as court has allowed.

2.) $600 in CS for one of multiple kids that BF pays for is a LOT. BF either makes bank or he's terrified of losing access to his son so he pays a large amount of CS for EOWE visitation. And $600, combined with what your GF should be contributing, is more than enough to support a child, ESPECIALLY since you're helping split rent and utilities (and any other "joint" payments like a cell phone). There is no need for you to help her finance her child outside what you might WANT to finance (like the occasional toy or Happy Meal).

3.) The fact that she told you that she wanted to cut down on BF's EOWE visitation and it took you saying that you wouldn't live with her (i.e. won't split expenses with her) should terrify you. What she'll do to one man she'll do to another. Don't let her get pregnant or you'll be paying $600+ a month for EOWE visitation and her trying to cut down on that further.

4.) Joint expenses are a fairly narrow set of expenses. Rent/mortgage, utilities, groceriesjoint bills, and joint savings that you two have agreed on are about it. Since you two make similar amounts, it should be you paying 1/3 of rent, utilities, and groceries and her paying 2/3 since she has the responsibility of two people. Other joint expenses/savings should be 50/50. If she balks at that, then she's not financially mature enough to have joint accounts. Split your finances and you can give her 1/3 towards rent and utilities and buy your own groceries. If that's not how you want to live, then make sure she realizes that this type of financial arrangements is necessary for you to continue to be in this relationship. Yes, you should walk if she tries to use you for money.

She already benefits financially just by having a partner with similar income. She also gets consistent CS. She's also gainfully employed. There is zero reason for her to need your money. If she wants to live the nuclear family life, she needs to reconcile with her ex. The reality of her situation is that she is a single mom with a boyfriend, and she needs to adjust her expectations of what her life is accordingly.

She should be paying for his haircuts and groceries, not you. That is what her child support check is for. You pay your share. Don't be taken advantage of. This could be a one sided relationship where you are there only to provide. There are definitely some red flags there. Any word on her relationship history and what ended her marriage?

Even if this is true, it doesn't make him any less of a father and should not have any bearing on his visitation. 

You see the writing on the wall.  If you want a good, loving relationship with this woman. Forget the splitting of money.  There are always problems that come up. Car repairs, house repairs, losing jobs, sickness ect.  That you will have to pay more then you think is your share 

your SO doesn't have money for Dr bills , meds,  what are you going to say. Stay sick until next month. Are you going to spend all your time doing bookkeeping?   
Kids are expensive, kids are pit you throw money into.  Either forget about money try for the happy family or leave