Life insurance
Oh man, this is a bad one. So when my husband and I were going to get married he told me it would probably be best if I don't work because we were going to buy the farm we have now and with both working it would fall apart. I told him that I would love to stay at home and take care of our home and little farm etc. I also told him that if I do that I expect that the life insurance policy is changed to my name (he still had his ex inheriting it). Idiot! I didn't feel it was fair for me to give up making my own money and be left with nothing. So his ex told him that he needed to put their kids as the beneficiaries. He didn't say anything to her as it wasn't her business.
Well, guess what? I found it when I was filing paperwork and guess whose names were there? They were mine (wrong birthdate) and his two jerky kids. I hit the roof. He was at work and I started texting him. Now mind you he is an anesthesiologist and I started texting him lol. I said you're an f..ing liar. He was texting back and saying I will fix it I will fix it. When he got home I was beyond furious. This is a type of life insurance that has cash value and so 12 grand a year comes out of our money. What I learned is that if there are any discretions (my birthdate) it would go back to the original person ie his EX. Now I know for sure he didn't put in my birthday wrong on purpose. I told him it needed to be fixed immediately. He fixed it but I was so angry still. Now I did something really stupid before we got married and signed a prenump. I told him that we are now voiding it with a postnump. I got an attorney who said oh that is easy you can do it yourself. I said heck no! I want this to be legal, I want him to have to go down, like I did and sign with a notary. I want everything reversed. So she did it and he signed it, and believe me it is in a very safe place. The funny thing is that he said well it doesn't go all the way back to when we were first married does it? I showed him a copy and it states he is signing this as if the other one was never signed. I have never told anyone I did that and I assure you I would never do it again.
He got what he deserves. And his big 30 year old jerk of a son got what he deserves.
IMHO don't waste your time or
IMHO don't waste your time or money on a VUL or Whole Life policy. They are both a crappy investment and crappy insurance.
Better to get a Term Life Policy and invest in a mutual fund. Great insurance, and a sound high performance investment medium. In comparison.
Great job reversing the Pre-Nup.
My DW and had nothing but two apartments full of college furniture, an 8yo vehicle and my newly printed engineering degree when we married. We have built everything we have together. Even with that we locked our estate up tight to prevent the SpermClan from benefiting at all if we had passed before SS reached the age of majority,
He is our sole heir and beneficiary when we have both checked out.
Let his X and their spawn have the VUL/Whole LIfe Policy. If it is fully funded there is no need to continue paying into that policy. The investment return on the cash value will pay the continued premiums.
Get a $1Mil or more Term Policy with you as sole beneficiary on the policy and invest the same amount monthly in a diverse growth positioned mutual fund.
Just my opinion of course.
Life insurance
Hey there, and thanks for the advice. I have no interest in anything he has built before me. This policy, and I don't understand all of it, is worth 1.8 million dollars. It increases yearly about 30 grand, but we pay 12 grand yearly. He has shown me all of it but it is kind of complicated. The fact is that I agreed to stop working if he made sure I was okay if something happened to him. Also, the fact 12 grand comes out of our joint account per year makes it only right imo! I had a good paying job with room to grow. The thing that has bothered me is that I feel a breach of trust now. My resentment and anger keeps building and I am tired of his ex interfering with our relationship. They were divorced three years before we started dating, and we dated two years before getting married. She up to about 6 months ago texted him daily threatening him with telling the kids all about everything that went wrong when they were married, calling him names and treating him like dirt. I finally put my foot down and told him to block her. I then texted her and told her to get a life and never talk to my husband again. She then proceeded to tell the grown kids everything bad. She is a straight up B. His son actually told me that I am not to speak about his mother period. Guess what? I will say whatever I please in my house! His kids are grown and just received all of their money at once from a trust. He also has them inheriting a certain amount of money each with the grandkids as well. So they are taken care of as wel.l As for the properties, his retirement etc. before me I don't want in case of a divorce.
I would look into the terms
I would look into the terms of the policy. Based on the financial performance that you have shared and the performance of the investment within the Whole Life Policy I would surmise that there is no need to pay further into the policy as the performance of the investment more than covers the premiums which are apparently $1K/mo.
The market growth of the investment within the policy will go to the beneficiaries. Which he can change at will since he is the insured. If.... there is not a CO stipulating the beneficiaries.
As far as your SS;s dictate that you are not to speak about his mother.... you are not speaking about his mother. You are speaking about her behavior. Two very different things. My guess is that SS knows full well what his BM's crap is and is playing the Ostrich game by putting his head in the sand so his mommy fantasies are not assaulted.
Doesn't sound like there is
Doesn't sound like there is much trust in your marriage. I'm not sure I could live like that. Also, get a job - don't be financially dependent on a man you don't trust. He could still find a way to screw you over.
Trust
You are correct the trust has broken down for sure. I think what I am going to do is open an account and put a certain amount of money per month in it, or go to work. I will give him that option. I also told him that I am going to be monitoring the Life Insurance daily on their website to make sure it stays the same. If 12 grand continues to come out of our joint account then I should be the beneficiary, if he cashes it in then he can do what he wants with it.
He pays $12K per MONTH for
He pays $12K per MONTH for life insurance? That seems like a lot.
ETA: never mind, I see above it's annual. Still a lot of money.
Do both.
Do both.
Make the beneficiary irrevocable?
In Canada I believe you can make a beneficiary irrevocable. Then you don't have to check daily. But honestly putting money in an account each month makes sense to me. (If you two are still agreed that you can't go back to work and deal with the farm).
Looks like you can here - but
Looks like you can here - but that might be a lot to ask, considering she would have to agree to change it should they get divorced.
An anesthesiologist has to
An anesthesiologist has to have meticulous attention to detail, lives depend on it. I find it difficult to believe he put your birthday incorrectly accidentally.
Right? He checks his patients
Right? He checks his patients' DOB repeatedly pre-surgery. But he doesn't check his wife's?
Interesting information!
yeah, somehow you need to rebuild the trust. He wants you to give up your income, he needs to pony up.
And any more tips - make sure you have strong wills too. That is something that I am going to be working on.
Wow
That hurts my heart just reading it.
Your husband just insulted your intelligence thinking you were too stupid to figure out or know what was up regarding your incorrect date of birth as well as putting his kids as beneficiaries as well. Disrespectful.. oh where to even go with all of the feelings to be felt here.
Where does his loyatly lie!? With as slimmy of a move that was I would expect he went with you to take care of the pre-nup as there is a way around that as well... I would lock yourself in with no way for him to shimmy. Sock it to his ass.