Mini wife 23 years old

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My husbands 23 year old daughter thinks she's the mini wife. She rearranges and moves things around all the time. We have spoken to her several times and she refuses to listen or treat us with any respect. We said "listen if you want to decorate or have an idea for a rug, just talk to us. Ask, run it by us and communicate before moving the furniture/ buying the rug etc...".

well this past weekend we left her alone in the house for 4 days while we went to Bermuda for Labor Day weekend. When we got home she had decorated for fall. All sorts of tacky fall/ thanksgiving type decor everywhere. She moved my stuff and just put her stuff and didn't ask/ send a text or communicate at all".

I was annoyed and it really bugged me. Any thoughts?

You have a husband problem

"Take that tacky crap down

"Take that tacky crap down NOW! You've been told to ASK before changing things in our home! "

And stop pussyfooting around her. Next time she feels the urge to decorate, tell her that she can decorate to her heart's content when she moves into her own place.

Take back your place as queen of the castle. What's her launch plan?

I have a thought: she has to

I have a thought: she has to move out in 60 days. If any redecorating takes place within those 60 days, she is out immediately.

If your DH doesn't do anything about this issue, then he's allowing her to be the mini wife.

So you did end up marrying

So you did end up marrying this guy...tell me, how are YOUR daughters getting on? Did you all move into his house?

I think people on this forum have made it pretty clear re their thoughts on your nasty stepdaughters.

Your husband needs to deal with them.

take it down. put your's up.

That was a power play on her

That was a power play on her part. She is demonstrating that she is, in fact, in charge at your house. If your DH doesn't make her take down her "decorations," then take them down yourself.

If nothing happens, expect more of the same.Your words are meaningless without action behind them.

Validating

Ok. Great your validating my feelings.

I walked in and said "I'm going to the grocery store if these things aren't gone by the time I get back, I'm taking them down myself". They were gone when I got back. But the the nasty 23 year old mini wife spent the rest of the night yelling at her father that I'm controlling and being difficult. That she should be allowed to do whatever she wants in her house. She's awful. Then she texted her dad "I hope she and her kids are happy when I kill myslef". Over having to take down fall decorations (it's Labor Day weekend FYI! It's still summer)

Like holy hell Batman. Can you say manipulator?? They are so mean to him.

Only this isn't her territory

Only this isn't her territory any more. YOU are the queen of castle now and you call the shots. Time she got her own life.

Does she pay rent? Does she have any friends? Boyfriend?

No rent. No friends.

So she wants to live on her

So she wants to live on her daddy's dime for the rest of her life? When is she going to grow up? Does her father understand that he is not doing her any favours by not encouraging her to have a normal adult life?

Kids NEED to build their own life! If he won't push her towards a life out there then he doesn't love her anywhere nearly as much as he thinks he does.

Just nicely explained that

It's your F in house. Either shap up or there is the door us it

23 year old needs to move out

Priority number one is get agreement with your DH and give her a deadline.

Tell her that she is an adult and expected to form her own household - which she can decorate as she likes - but after she moves out it is not 'her home' and she is just another guest.

My stepkid did this to me once

She didn't even live with us. She had a girlfriend from the internet (she is a lesbian) coming to town and wanted to stay at the house for privacy since no one would be there. SD lives with North Korea, her mother, to this day. Well when we got back from the trip all of my pictures were gone. All the pictures of my kids that were on the fridge were gone. All the pictures of my youngest DD who is her half sister also gone. Just the pictures of her and younger SD as little kids were up on the fridge and around the house and those of her dad. I had to go in drawers to locate my framed pictures. All of my toileteries in the bathroom were in a basket on the bathroom floor closet. My tooth brush, my shampoo, my razo but not her dads. It's like she tried to wipe my existence and my kids existence from my own home and to this day I'm not even sure why. It wasn't ever the martial home she lived in with her parents. That had been sold. IT was hard for me to act normal and not upset around her that day . I get you though. It definitely feels like a violation and I agree it's how your husband handles it will tell you everything you need to know. DD7's dad did not have my back and made every weird excuse in the book for her strange behavior. HE said she probably just wanted the fridge looking clean and tidy.. and other stupid stupid excuses.

The stupid excuses.

The stupid excuses. Honestly!

Oh, I have some thoughts.

Oh, I have some thoughts. None that you want to hear.

When will his lovely daughters be moving out?

Is the other daughter still

Is the other daughter still there too?

As I recall there were 2 of them.

Oh and by the way SD, it is

Oh and by the way SD, it is not "your house".

It is your father's and mine, and WE decide what happens in it.

SD I do not see your name in

SD I do not see your name in the deed, this is not your house. When you purchase your own home and pay your own mortgage, taxes, utilities and so on you can officially refer to yourself as the property owner.Since you are 23 and therefore no longer recognized as a child, you are merely a tenant.

A tenant would pay rent.

I would refer to her as an "emtitled freeloader".

days after i finished high school my mother gave me 2 options: full time university or fulltime job. I picked job as i wanted to figure out what my passion was so i could figure which university course i liked.

I actually earned more than a uni graduate by 20-30,000.

too many kids feel entitled nowadays and their parents aren't helping

Honestly, this girl is

Honestly, this girl is exactly the same as my ex's daughter....same age even.

No friends

Screams and yells at her Dad

Lives at home and pays ZERO

Daddy pays for everything.

When I came on the scene, there were hysterics, tears, abusive texts to her dad, threats of suicide etc.

It just gets old, doesn't it?

Exactly. Same thing.

Exactly. Same thing. Hysterics. Very abuwive texts and words to her dad. So frustrating because there's so much potential for it to be nice and enjoyable but she REFUSES any kindness or to participate in any family making activity. Eats in her room. Just a miserable, horrible, sad person who turns around and takes it all out on me.

step daughter 23 is living at home. She's about 18 months out of college and step daughter 21 is at college (45 min away) now for her senior year. My kids are 18 and at college for her freshman year (6 hours away) and a sophomore at the local high school.

What is the plan for the 23

What is the plan for the 23 year old to move out?

No plan. She refuses to

No plan. She refuses to move out and he refuses to tell her "it's time. If you have such a high need for control then it's time you move to your own place where you can control your environment." She says if he kickes her out she will never speak to him again and he's scared that he won't have a realationship with her.

Aren't you tempted to move

Aren't you tempted to move out rather than live with this kind of toxicity? Sooner or later you are going to lose all respect for this guy. He'd rather have an abusive relationship with her rather than none? Pretty pathetic, don't you think?

So, he is just going to let

So, he is just going to let her hold him as an emotional hostage for the rest of his life?

How did he think this was going to work, getting married and having you move in? How did YOU think this was going to work, given what you already knew?

That's a very good question

That's a very good question and one that I am pondering too..

This just doesn't get better. The problem won't go away.

My situation was EXACTLY like this, and I refused to sign up for a lifetime of that shit.

Yes, does she even have a job

Yes, does she even have a job?

Or is she just mooching around home living off Daddy?

Another thing.....why can't she go and stay with BM?

she's 23 and finished with college?

Does she work? A 23 year old who is no longer in school needs to support herself. Starting right now. If DH doesn't agree with that, you should take your kid and move out. Only DH can fix this situation and it doesn't sound like he's up for the task. I'd save yourself, the rest of your sanity, and the sanity of your high schooler who is still rightly at home.

So many people on this forum complain about the same types of things. I think you'll find the only long term, happy endings are when the SMs draw a hard boundary and stick to it. Draw yours now!

She's Marking Her "Territory" Like A House Cat Sprays Theirs!

You need to mark it as YOUR TERRITORY by taking that mess down, and putting up what YOU WANT IN AND AROUND YOUR HOME.

SD didn't live with us, but when she used to visit she would rearrange things, comment on how I had decorated a particular area, gave her approval or not, rearranged my flowers in the vase...on and on.

Fortunately, as I said, she didn't live with us and I only had to deal with it here and there, which WAS ANNOYING.

Also, in my favor, since she chose to show her ass like a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum at the grocery store checkout because she was told to put the candy bar back on the rack, I haven't had to put my eyes on her nasty ass in quite some time and I WILL NEVER WELCOME OR INVITE THAT TOXICITY AND ANIMOSITY BACK INTO MY LIFE, EVER!

I hope yours moves out and you can reclaiim your territory and position as "wife." Until then, I would take down her "decorations" and decorate my trash can with them!

She has a full time job

She has a full time job working from home and she doesn't leave her bedroom other than to 1) go to drs appoiments or 2) to join her mom hostessing at a chain Resturnat two or three nights a week. She takes all the money from both jobs and puts it in savings and pays for nothing. Doesn't pay 1) car insurance 2) cell phone 3) rent 4) health insurance - her dad pays for all that for her.

"Out she goes....or I do"

That's your ultimatum!