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No SD this month

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 2:04pm

BM just messaged and said SD doesn't want to visit this month. Aw shucks. Just gonna guess that she doesn't want to come at all and just is gonna keep putting it off. 

Also on the SD front, she's had many more charming tiktok posts lately. Lots of f words and discussing her sexuality (which is apparently bisexual). Why a 10 year old is up at 2 am publicly posting these things I'll never understand, but not my problem. 

My prediction at this point is within the next 5 years she'll be begging to quit school and probably doing drugs.

Comments

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 2:13pm

Let's pray for girlfriends and not boyfriends. I dont picture her ever wanting a baby, although I could see BM pushing her to keep it if she did get pregnant so that DH has another problem to be blamed for and they can get the attention that goes along with a baby.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 2:39pm

If she ends up into drugs, it might not matter. Some will do anything for a fix. Fingers crossed it doesn't happen!!!

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 2:41pm

True...let's hope not, but her behavior plus the strong history of addiction in BMs family doesn't bode well.

missgingersnap2021's picture

Submitted by missgingersnap2021 on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 2:16pm

See this is what I dont get about people on Steptalk saying what skids do or don't do isnt our problem. To me - It is a huge problem! We should be concerend and be able to get involvedd. I mean do you want a messed up teenager that drops out and does drugs? That will just lead to years of drama, BS and possibly BM kickng her out and her living with you guys! Its one thing to sit on the sidelines when the skids are "good". Meaning going to school, getting good grades, staying out of trouble etc. But I'm sorry if SD did things that made me think she would end up going down the wrong path I just couldnt sit by saying nothing. I would be all over DH to man up and be a firm father. 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 2:47pm

It's really out of our hands at this point. We've already spent years trying to teach her to behave differently and she chose to be like BM. We're not going to be able to cut BMs influence out of her life. Anything we've attempted to tell her recently she runs to BM and SIL with and they indulge her with how mean and awful we are. At this point I'd rather she just stays away from my home and kids. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 2:41pm

Our partners would be solid firm fair parents with healthy exes and children.

IM dreaming about that right now.

MissK03's picture

Submitted by MissK03 on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 4:07pm

I agree with this but in OP case it's not just BM.. it's BM, MIL, FIL, SIL that all are forces to why SD is the way she is.. and it really isn't fair to their two children together that her DH be constantly webbed in the forever drama surrounding SD. 

Not to derail but, that's why I got SS18 the job that I did. SO and beyond useless BM and no plan for this kid.. I had to do something! So I totally get what you're saying. 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 7:09pm

I do agree it is definitely the SMs problem too. The only reason it's not for me anymore is that she's never in my home or around my kids. Also agree it's not fair to the other kids - and that's what the point of the drama is. Stirring up sh*t to keep the focus on her.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Fri, 08/20/2021 - 10:00am

Ask me how I know (Girhippo CLAN!!)                  

Wacko

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Fri, 08/20/2021 - 10:53am

There is a difference between being concerned and being able to do anything about it.

Of course a SP should be concerned, and should expect a kid to be parented to be able to launch to the best of that kid's ability. If the kid isn't being parented to that level, a SP can absolutely speak up to their spouse about it and try their best to hold their feet to the fire.

BUT, as SPs, we can't make our partners parent. We can't make their ex parent. We only have control over ourselves. If our partners won't parent, or the kids are so unruly in spite of our partner's best efforts, we either have to come to terms with the fallout of that OR we can leave. We can't force better parenting. We can't force our partners to not be parents. We can't devote all our mental and physical energy into trying to change something that we can't control. It will deplete you quickly, and that is why disengagement is preached in these situations. You can't figure out what is best for you, your marriage, and your family when you're too entangled in something you can't change.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Fri, 08/20/2021 - 1:19pm

Yes. I regret the amount of energy I spent on SD in the past already, honestly. It's all about my boys and husband now.

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Fri, 08/20/2021 - 2:55pm

Totally agree.

I can tell DH I'm concerned about SD11's mental health. I can't force him to take her to a therapist.

I can be concerned about her social media and inform DH of her inappropraite content. I can't force DH to take her phone away.

I can be concerned about SDs schooling and grades. I can't force SD to do her homework if her BPs don't give her consequences otherwise. 

I can be concerned about SDs lack of healthy eating habits. I can't force DH to stop buying her sodas and junk food. 

As a stepmom, I have A LOT of concerns about SD11. But believe me, I learned a long time ago that my hands are tied in almost all of these situations. Her parents have to be the ones to take action. 

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 3:13pm

Sad reality is best case she ends up pregnant or a junkie, worst case she will end up dead.   If your DH even had a chance at custody she's 10 and as you stated yourself already living a lifestyle that is not acceptable for her age.  We faced the same challenge when my DH got custody of Spawn at 10.   It was 7 years of sheer hell trying to implement a better standard of life for her and it never took because she was conditioned to the crap lifestyle her mother raised her in.  Which is why here she is in her early 20's she can't hold a steady job, sells herself online, and jumps into relationships with guys she meets online who are much older than her, and they only last about 3-6 months tops.  

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 7:10pm

Yeah, he'd probably have a good chance at 50/50 since that's what it's typically been, but that's gonna do zero good.

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 3:57pm

Omg, I think our SDs might be friends on Tik Tok. SD11 literally does the same. Her profile is public so DH and I can see her "liked" videos. All of which are le$bian or bi. The ones that aren't about sexuality are about "divorced dads". The latest one I found was "POV: you're secretly calling your mom because your dad's house is miserable" YEP sounds about right. You make our house miserable. At least it's a mutual feeling. 

I was TOTALLY against SD having a phone at NINE years old for this exact reason. A kid so young shouldn't have even been exposed to this stuff yet. But like some said above. You can't undo the damage that has already been done. But hey, what do step parents know anyway, right?

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 4:04pm

Haha, if our SDs were tiktok friends mine definitely would have shared that. And you're right, they do make the house miserable. It's funny because SD told SIL that she thinks DH and I aren't a very good couple because we fight sometimes, but it's almost only when she's there. Everyone is so much lighter and happier when she's not around. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

Submitted by missgingersnap2021 on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 8:55pm

That's kind of what I said under my last blog. SD gets to ssee DH and I in bad moods/ being snippy etc  but it's because things happen when she's here that cause us to argue. Life is 1000 times happier the days she's not here.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 4:25pm

Disengage.  That boat is sinking.  Nothing you can do. BM know best 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 7:10pm

Yuppp

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Fri, 08/20/2021 - 6:23am

Jeebus. 10 yrs old! 

Do you ever send that stuff to BM? I feel like I would just to tell her what a crap mother she is! 

Your DH isn't doing her any favors either by letting her choose. He needs to enforce his visitation and be a positive role model. 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Fri, 08/20/2021 - 10:05am

The Girhippo would and still does live by "anything goes."   Maybe she will turn out to be like the Animal Torturer (SD stb 23).  Not dating, gig worker (doordash/instacart) living with poor victim (errr I mean cat).   Don't know about anything nefarious as they pretty much lock down their social media accounts, however SD was stealing, lying, overtly sexual, cheating, destructive, animal torturing, "bored at dad's house" (TM), bullying at age FIVE.