I am seething!

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I am so mad at my situation right now. So we go to a show last night and I had some drinks... the whole time my DH is scrutinizing me and making remarks. Ok- I finally blew up! I am an adult. It's not like I drink daily or even get nutty when I am left alone. So he tells me later that I have a problem w/ my stepdaughter. Now I have her FULL TIME I work at home and the BM has been useless for 6 years. I said I dont have a problem but when I am working and she is screaming on the phone that gets to me. I said I would have yelled at my kid.

Anyways a couple weeks ago my DH went out and get HAMMERED leaving me w/ the skid. And he had the nerve to tell me he felt like a child when he got home.. UMMMM you need to text your kid where you are - I shouldn't have to answer her over and over again.

Im just so tired of the double standards - I am supposed to just suck everything up and not say a thing about anything...

Meanwhile- when he's off work he comes and goes as he pleases leaving me w/ his kid all the time. Now granted it's not like I have to do much for her - I think it's more the point.

So stop keeping her at home.

So stop keeping her at home. You cannot to your job correctly if she's there, therefore she cannot be there. She is also not your responsibility. If he isn't there then she shouldn't be either. Ergo, she goes to work with him and leaves you to get on with your work.Tell him you're done being used and if he can't take the kid to work with him, he drops her off at her mother's and you don't care how he does it.

I wish I had the balls to do

I wish I had the balls to do that... I feel like I am being petty at times but your right.. it might come down to that. CPS has been called by his ex multiple times... I said to him last week ... am I allowed to leave the house when she is home.. I am trying to make him see how much i sacrafice and do things I DONT have to!

The kid is 12, FFS and he

The kid is 12, FFS and he wants you to stay at home ALL the time with her?!

And youi're NOT being petty. You are home during the day to WORK not to babysit someone else's child. You don't have the time to cater to her. Does she at least make your lunch? If not, why not?

nope

Nope nothing.. the kid never even thanks me for dinner... and yes I don't like that... even during my son's teen years he always thanked me for dinner.

The point is getting her to

The point is getting her to be at least useful so that you don't have to waste time.

Also, I suggest taking her phone when you're going to start working. It's not your problem if she's bored (have a list of chores for her to do should she complain about boredom) and you need peace and quiet. If your DuH isn't happy about her doing chores, well tuff, you are at home therefore you are in charge. Completely in charge. If he doesn't like that, like I said, he take her to work with him or drops her off at her mother's place.

I agree, but someone has to

I agree, but someone has to teach her to be useful. BM is out of the pic, it would be ideal if dad did-but we all know -like it or not-most the domestic/cooking/teaching duties falls on women. Now, we can sit and seethe and bitc* our dh's out to do it ot take charge and do it yourself. Once a week during lunch break, show her how to do something, then twice a week, then three- just have her watch you, hand you stuff, pull stuff out- before you know it YOU are watching her do it and then bam, she's in charge of lunch. Might take about a month transition but from there on out you've created someone helpful w/some independence.

As much as SD and I didn't get along-I would have her help me shop and prepared meals on occasions, she now cooks for her and fiance and my MIL Her mom didn't inspire that passion because she never cooked, only take out, fast food (though she was a good baker)- so SD picked up some cooking with me, and then when she lived w/her bf and his parents w/his mom. Regardless of whose 'job' it is- adults teaching young family/friends to cook will be valuable skills they carry for life and will be able to help YOU with as well.

hi friend,

first I love you and hope you can see that you have the opportunity to be a positive or negative influence on that kids life. There's no way to have no effect or take a passive route without divorce. So hope you can figure out the Christian thing to do.

Time to be HONEST with CPS.

Time to be HONEST with CPS. If your husband complains, guess what, that's on him!

I would tell them the truth. SD gets left at home. When SD is with DH on his time, he is hammered drunk. It is OBVIOUS that he is not using his custody time. If he doesn't use it, that doesn't mean you are trapped. He needs to be FORCED to figure out a childcare situation. Hopefully CPS will light that match under his @ss.

It infuriates me when

It infuriates me when bioparents have a higher standard for the stepparent than for themselves. It's like they went out and found a replacement parent to make up for their own shortcoming.

AMEN

Yes... these 2 bos expect me just to suck everything up and not say a word about anything! Both need parenting classes... honestly I caught my step kid sexting at 9 years old and it was never addressed - so I have a problem with that too-

Just because you marry

Just because you marry somebody does not mean you are required to raise their child for them. Say that again out loud. Keep saying it until it finally sinks in.

Yes, and practice saying it

Yes, and practice saying it in front of a mirror until you feel comfortable enough to say it to your DuH.

I love this advice

I think I will start doing that in front of a mirror!!

This reaks of control. He nor

This reaks of control. He nor her BM give a shit about her but he utilizes having her as a control to keep you at home and in check. Why wouldn't he like it?

UGH!! I can relate to this

UGH!! I can relate to this so well UNFORTUNATELY!! It's like our DH's think because we're the female that we are the child rearers and we're supposed to take care of them! Like the earlier person said we're not responsible for raising the stepkids, but our husband's don't see it that way.

Amen

I would never have had the nerve to leave my kid like that. I just reminded him yesterday that he and his ex have custody not me.. she's a joke too tho. Did everything under the sun to break us up. I'm sure that's why she dumped her kid off once we got married. Literally a week after.. 8 was supposed to happily take on the responsibility...

I do hope she's paying a

I do hope she's paying a hefty amount of CS.

That's funny. I would be

That's funny. I would be surprised if she pays ANY.

50

The loser pays 50 a month... she's on ssd- etc she had the nerve to say in court that me and her father make enough... UMM I am not responsible financially for YOUR child lady... I was in awe when she said this!

For 9 years my SS's

For 9 years my SS's SpermIdiot paid $133/mo. That pittance paid for a number of new homes, cars, expensive vacations and designer wardrobes according to the SpermClan.

The swoon they played in court when CS went from $110/mo to $133/mo was Oscar worthy. They tried to have my income factored into the CS calculation. So we motioned to have the SpermGrandParent's income factored in. Heart attacks and strokes were flying all around the SpermClan contingent in the courtroom when we made that motion.

Now I have her FULL TIME

Now I have her FULL TIME

when he's off work he comes and goes as he pleases leaving me w/ his kid all the time.

So, when he's at work, you have their kid. When he's not at work, he does what he wants and you have their kid.

This whole situation is unacceptable.

How nice for BM and your husband that you are raising their kid.