How did you feel?
How did you bioparents feel when you're bios moved out as adults? Were you sad? Miserable? Upset? How long did it last? My husband is miserable since AdultSkid moved out and it's making me feel very angry. He is not acting like usual to me. He is sullen, dejected, hardly speaking. He is acting like his true love broke up with him I think. I'm mostly ignoring him because I want to shout at him to stop being miserable to us. Me and our kids. It's also hardly because I'm relieved and happy AdultSkid has moved out. I'm not doing a good job of hiding my feelings. I would appreciate advice, wisdom. Did your husband or wife act like a heartbroken lover when their bios moved out? How long did it go on for? Did you get your normal husband or wife back?
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I was a little saddened
But never visibly moped around the house or became morose. And I'm a woman. Somewhat akin to this, Chef sobbed uncontrollably for two weeks straight when the divorce went through
Did you still respect him
Did you still respect him after that? I'm worried I will lose respect for my husband if this continues for much longer. AdultSkid is not homeless, not starving.
It was very hard
And i lost a great deal of respect for him as the years went on and he would blame ME of all people for the feral's PASout.
Hit rock bottom as I was going through menopause. Has only been recently where we have been back to the honeymoon period. HRT helped a great deal.
Thank you. I'm menopausal and
Thank you. I'm menopausal and with the stress of the last couple of years has made me very bitchy. I'm aware of it. I'll feel the fury boiling inside for no discernable reason. Maybe my husband needs HRT.
OMG I know that feeling
Menopause sucks. Really.
I could not agree anymore. It
I could not agree anymore. It's so much more than hot flushes. It's menstrual problems, acne, sore mammaries, mood swings, anger, weight gain, binge eating. It's so bad I lose patience with the pets. I don't abuse them but I bark at them. I guess I'd better drink wine.
Male HRT
I'm sure there is plenty of help available. With Chef, he likes to overindulge in drink which is 3/4s of his problem. He has enough testosterone however for five guys. He won't even take blood pressure meds for his high blood pressure!
The HRT I'm on is wonderful! Took about a year to get the dosing just right after a series of blood tests. Libido went from less than zero to twenty year old! Boobs are back, hair is better, less binge eating and the best is fantastic sleep again!!!
I have no experience with a
I have no experience with a bio (or a skid) moving out, but I lived at home when my older sister moved out. I saw no discernable change in my parents. My younger sister said they were really happy when I moved out.
My mother from what I
My mother from what I remember kept on living her life. She didn't sit around moping. I don't understand why my husband is acting like this. I find it disturbing like me and our kids aren't enough to fill the void left by AdultSkid. AdultSkid is annoying and unlikeable. I get that parents have unconditional love for their children (except BM) but does it blind us to reality?
Its mostly due to
FEAR and GUILT over being a crap parent. Good parents have the satisfaction in knowing they did the best they could to make their children INDEPENDENT!
You will have a sense of pride and accomplishment, but also RELIEF after all the hard work of REAL parenting.
If you have infantantilized your offspring then no doubt you have real fears about them going off on their own. You have no sense of relief because you never worked hard to train your children in the first place. It will feel like a job unfinished.
Makes sense. Seems like
Makes sense. Seems like AdultSkid only texts Daddy when he wants money or Playstation currency. AdultSkid ignores my husband's birthday and father's day naturally. AdultSkid doesn't have a job. Just a fat, unwashed, smelly, gaming loser
Sounds exactly like
Chef's now grown ferals. Although the two older ones have entry level retail/doordash gig work.
The youngest one is exactly how you described.
Relief
We had 5 kids, 2 bios and 3 SKs. I felt enormous relief when each moved out altho I had a few sad moments about my bios which quickly passed. I dont recall DH reacting but again, our overriding emotion was relief.
Not a bio parent, but when I
Not a bio parent, but when I moved out at 18, my mom and stepdad gave me $150 and then turned my room into a den. Good on em.
When my youngest move out....
I waited until the youngest was moved out before purging any of the kids bedrooms. DD was moving to another state, I was sad to see her go, cried a little. Then pulled up my big girl pants, backed my truck up to the front door and hauled everything out of the bedrooms and took it to the local thrift store. Of course LEECH came back after being gone for 6 years, but once DAH booted her out, we have a guest room, sewing room, my office and DAH's man-cave. DAH never showed any emotion when Leech got married and moved out, he was still a major Disney Dad at the time and completely enmeshed in her life. When she move back in, and DAH kicked her out, it was more of a relief to have her out of the house for DAH.
I think it really depend how enmeshed the parent is with their kids life.
I was a bit sad the first
I was a bit sad the first year DD moved to attend college out of state. I was also single and she is my only child. But I was not moping around as much as just had to adjust to being empty nester. And it was literally an empty nest as I had to adjust to living alone.
I can only speak on my
I can only speak on my parents' experience... They teared up when they dropped me off at college. But ultimately, they were proud. I think it was a sense of accomplishment for them that they "had done their job". Friends and family would ask about me, and my parents would be quick to say where I was living, studying, going to school, current job, etc. I would always visit for holidays and occasional weekends here and their. But moving back in with my parents was never an option for me.
I think when some COD "launch" and it's not the best situation, BP become depressed. Maybe SKs are stuggling to keep a job, dropped out of school, bouncing around relationships, etc. This can make BPs feel guilty that they "failed" their child. I think for some BPs it might even be embarassing. I'm sure it can also be stressful for BPs if their adult children are unstable.
Interesting. AdultSkid
Interesting. AdultSkid graduated HS with decent grades but that's it. At least he hasn't gotten anyone pregnant and so far isn't on drugs. Gosh you'd think our bios would be enough of a "buffer" for that guilt or shame or whatever.
Give it time?
DH was really happy and relieved but I think he felt some guilt over it. But zero moping. When Feral Forger SD22 then 18 "sort of" moved out. She got a job a few towns over and stopped staying at our house. Left her cra@p for 7 months in the room she occupied, I took it over, and now shes living with the BM and not much contact. Sad that shes not succeeding in her life, but we have a REALLY active life, and there has been no moping around. Plan stuff...get him out of that unhealthy funk.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm doing my best to really be his partner and spend time with him and talk about interesting things. I also spent time on my hair and other things. BM is not feminine so my DH has always enjoyed it when I dress/look feminine. What better to distract him than his excellent second wife? It seems to be working. He is acting more like his usual self. I guess I'll see how AdultSkid moving out the rest of the junk will tell the whole tale. This is so hard.
I lost it when my Bio son moved out
My son and I are very close and I have to say when he moved out I lost it for a while. I crried A LOT and I still miss him so much. I do see him a lot but personally I only had one kid and it was just us most of the time when he was growing up... so for me it was terrible.