God! But he's thick! You have my sympathy. 

Because you are the one saying the truth of the situation, you will be the one bearing the brunt of his emotions.

He should take responsibility for what he and BM created. But he needs to go through his grieving processes apparently.

Yeah, they ALWAYS just expect everything to go back to "normal" and everything will be just hunky dory.

Well, from what I went through with SD15 Backstabber/Munchkin, nope, not going back to normal. Not going back to doormat mode. 

I made a name for it a long time ago, I call it "clean slate syndrome", whereby anything that happened and everything previously said the day before is forgotten with a new day. Because, no repercussions for anything...

Your partner is expecting you and your DD to be onboard with his Clean Slate Theory of Living. 

I swear its a sign of a personality disorder and enablers of a person with a personality disorder that they just act like horrible things never happened and that you're being out of line for holding them accountable.

My brother's wife is like this. She will have crazy fits due to her bipolar disorder, delete all her social media and threaten suicide then a week later everything is fine and everyone is expected to behave like like nothing happened. I calling holding people emotionally hostage. Of course her enablers think that anyone who won't play along is being cruel.  

"I just want everything to go back to NOOORRRRMMMAAAAAAAAL."

"You made me SAAAAAAADDDD with that comment."

(donning SM translator app and virtual headphones)

Translating.....

"I want EVERYONE to MAKE CONCESSIONS for my ILL BRED BRAAAAAAT."

"I am SULKING at the thought of everyone NOT walking on EGGSHELLS to please my biological extrusion."

They have been trained to cater to the dysfunctionally. This is from JNMIL but very apropos. 

I've been thinking about this phrase a lot lately, about how unfair it is. Because we aren't the ones rocking the boat. It's the crazy lady jumping up and down and running side to side. Not the one sitting in the corner quietly not giving a fuck.

At some point in her youth, Mum/MIL gave the boat a little nudge. And look how everyone jumped to steady the boat! So she does it again, and again. Soon her family is in the habit of swaying to counteract the crazy. She moves left, they move right, balance is restored (temporarily). Life goes on. People move on to boats of their own.

The boat-rocker can't survive in a boat by herself. She's never had to face the consequences of her rocking. She'll tip over. So she finds an enabler: someone so proud of his boat-steadying skills that he secretly (or not so secretly) lives for the rocking.

The boat-rocker escalates. The boat-steadier can't manage alone, but can't let the boat tip. After all, he's the best boat-steadier ever, and that can't be true if his boat capsizes, so therefore his boat can't capsize. How can they fix the situation?

Ballast!

And the next generation of boat-steadiers is born.

A born boat-steadier doesn't know what solid ground feels like. He's so used to the constant swaying that anything else feels wrong and he'll fall over. There's a good chance the boat-rocker never taught him to swim either. He'll jump at the slightest twitch like his life depends on it, because it did .

When you're in their boat, you're expected to help steady it. When you decline, the other boat-steadiers get resentful. Look at you, just sitting there while they do all the work! They don't see that you aren't the one making the boat rock. They might not even see the life rafts available for them to get out. All they know is that the boat can't be allowed to tip, and you're not helping.

Now you and your DH get a boat of your own. With him not there, the balance of the boat changes. The remaining boat-steadiers have to work even harder.

While a rocking boat is most concerning to those inside, it does cause ripples. The nearby boats start to worry. They're getting splashed! Somebody do something!

So the flying monkeys are dispatched. Can't you and DH see how much better it is for everyone (else) if you just get back on the boat and keep it steady? It would make their lives so much easier.

You know what would be easier? If they all just chucked the bitch overboard.

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/

Also it doesn't sound like going back to normal is going back to anything good to begin with. I feel like so many of these dads want us to play ostrich with them so they don't have to confront their children's behaviors. No thank you.

OMG!  This is a dad thing to handle.  I most certainly,  as a mother of daughters , would tell my girls to stay away from boys  like that.  If he keeps it up, he'll end up in your basement at 40, still going at it.  Put your foot down and insist on dad taking care of this. 

It's important that the behaviour amd its impact is acknowledged by both of you to your children and to his child.  The same discussion needs to be had with your children and you and his daughter who caused all of it. And the expectations need to be said as well, what is acceptable and what is not and that you both won't force any family member to ignore or put up with such disrespectful behaviour. I'd just sit everyone down and get DH to address it as a family and that until the behaviour and its impact is acknowledged and an apology, then your not welcome by anyone in the family.

Where daddy guilts his wife/partner and kids from that relationship to sweep everything under the rug for prince(ss) precious ahole who has been a real constant ahole to everyone for the heck of it.

you're tired of the bs so you have chosen to put up some firm boundaries. One big happy inclusive family only happens when all parties involved can be decent, civil and respectful of one another. Skids like on steptalk rarely behave this way and add in a hcgubm causing issues and dysfunction amongst her kids to perpetuate the cycle of dysfunction and manipulation and one big happy family just won't happen.

i put my boundaries up late 2018, had enough. My thick husband seriously demanded i book a mini getaway for our 4th wedding anniversary with skids in tow!! Yup 3 skids (2 whom are adults, 2 daughters i only met few months prior 3 times as they cut off contact with dad from bioho's pas) 2 sd's who spend every moment ranting about bio mum and stepdad to make them relevant in any conversation when they are not!!

i told my husband if he though for a moment that I wanted to torture myself with their presence on our wedding anniversary when they had not in any way contributed to our quality of life or marriage, then maybe this marriage is over. That was a really hard year for us. Oh and eldest sd aged 22 then calls her dad out of the blue fake sob story that daddy abandoned them for us and my 2 kids with hubby but in front of my ils because they know skids are one and the same as batshit crazy biomum, they use my kids like they're siblings of the year for special attention but behind closed doors resent them.

my then 1 & 2.5 yr old were not gonna be used as emotional footballs for horrible half siblings of theirs. I ended any contact between them, that won't change until they become decent people and its been almost 3 yrs no contact with them and i know my husband will pretend nothing is wrong and out of the blue go "lets meet up" to which i'll say "why should i even be spending time with strangers"