So here I am, unexpectedly serving as Mother of the Groom (MOG).

MOB (Bride) pinned on my corsage and hugged me. With one arm around me, she turned to DH and said, “You and your wife have raised an outstanding young man. We are so pleased to have him join our family and hope you will consider our family yours as well.” DH said, “It would be our great privilege, MOB.” (Those lovely manners…) MOB hugged DH and asked if I would like to see the bride. (Yes, of course!)

The bride was beautiful: her dress, hair, everything. The most stunning thing about her: the joy she exuded, knowing she was about to marry SS21. This was going to be a night of countless moments I would regret putting on that stupid mascara to coat my pale lashes.

Bride: Ani! {hug} Your dress is gorgeous! Mom, did you know she sewed that by hand?! Oh, SS gave you your corsage. I’m so glad! {{HUG}}

Ani: Bride, you are absolutely beautiful. I can’t wait to see SS’s face when he sees you.

MOB exclaimed over my dress and said she couldn’t even sew a button back on (not sure I’m buying that…).

And then I found out that SS asking me to be the MOG was not just wearing that corsage. SS21 was escorting me down the aisle and I was sitting in the front pew. ~gulp~ BioHo causing shizzit is the first thing that popped into my mind. Well, I must have done a lousy job of keeping a poker face or the MOB is psychic because she immediately said, with a hint of steel in that Southern drawl, “You needn’t worry yourself. My brother has things well in hand.” NO clue what that meant and wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but there was no time as it WAS time – to start the procession.

Because so many of the guests were the bride’s family or friends of both the bride and groom, guests were seated evenly on both sides of the church, leaving the first two pews empty. I thought I’d be in that groom’s side pew all by myself. Nope.

SS21 and I entered from the back…. And there was ‘Ho’s mother, sitting, Mr. Pinhead in the process of sitting… and BioHo looking right at us.

Evil Aniki is pleased to say that ‘Ho’s dress was a disaster. She had on what I can only describe as “old lady sandals” with 2” clunky heels and wide straps. The dress was sleeveless and fitted. The problem is that ‘Ho has rolls and the waistband of that dress was too tight, so the waist was actually hiked up under her boobs and looked like a poorly designed maternity dress. Oy.

Okay, ‘Ho wasn’t just looking at us. She was bloody well GLARING.

‘Ho: HEY! ~all eyes turned~ What the f*ck… (in church, no less)

And a well-chiseled man with a military crew cut and an icy demeanor stood up from the pew in front of her, took ‘Ho by the elbow, and spoke quietly into her ear. Her mouth fell open, she looked up at him and his steely jaw, closed her mouth, and nodded. He let go of her elbow and indicated she should sit. And damn if he didn’t sit right next to her. Oh how I wanted to LMAO!

SS21 escorted me down the aisle and seated me on the groom’s side, then walked back. (BTW, 'Ho was sitting in the last pew on the bride's side!) To my surprise, the MOB and FOB (after he walked the bride down the aisle) joined me. MOB whispered that they hoped I didn’t mind, but they didn’t want me to sit alone and the minister’s wife and son would sit on the bride’s side. I whispered back that it was so kind and thoughtful and I very much appreciated it.

Enter the minister, the groom, and his men. With DH as Best Man and standing right next to SS21, there was no question they were father and son. Standing straight and tall, handsome as could be, and smiling the same smile. Both even had their heads tilted slightly to the left. <3

When his bride came down the aisle, SS21 looked like he was about to burst. You could tell he thought her the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Their joy was tangible. When they read their vows, every bridesmaid was openly crying. MOB squeezed my hand and we both had to dab our eyes with our fingertips (we later exclaimed how neither of us brought tissues). When they were pronounced man and wife, the bride flung her arms around her new husband in delight. He kissed her 3 times. It was adorable and they were unquestionably radiant!  

I’ll cut things a little short. ‘Ho, her mother, and Mr. Pinhead did not come through the receiving line. Seems MOB’s brother escorted them out the side door.

My role as MOG continued as SS21 said I would absolutely be in pictures. So the pictures of the happy couple with the groom’s parents? DH and me. I was in all family pics. (I imagine Spawn reported that back to 'Ho...)

Spawn was a junior bridesmaid. SD28 and BD drove her to the reception. ‘Ho, her mother, and Mr. Pinhead were all there at a table in the back; ‘Ho looking around with a surly expression on her mug. MOB’s brother was standing against the wall, 3 feet from ‘Ho’s table, sipping water. As soon as ‘Ho spotted Spawn, she barked, “SPAWN! We’re leaving. NOW!!” And being her mother’s daughter, Spawn curled her lip at ‘Ho, flipped her the bird, and walked out the door. “That little b!tch! I’m gonna…” MOB’s brother once again had ‘Ho by the elbow. “LEAVE. Happy to show y’all to the door, ma’am. ~to ‘Ho’s mother~ "Ma’am, may I escort you?” He opened her walker and held her arm to steady her, then cupped her elbow and walked her out, speaking pleasantries to her. “That was a beautiful wedding. We all love your grandson. He’s a fine young man…” ‘Ho and Mr. Pinhead followed silently, although the mega downturn of ‘Ho’s mouth and her narrowed eyes spoke volumes.

And now that Satan’s handmaiden had left the building, let the celebration commence!

The newlyweds had their own table. DH and I sat with SD28 and family, SS18, and one of the groomsmen and his wife (she and I hit it off at the rehearsal dinner).

I wish I had words to describe the bride and groom’s first dance. I thought they’d be cheek-to-cheek, but they danced slightly apart. It puzzled me…until they started singing to each other. All through that dance, looking into each other’s eyes, they sang. MOB, who was at the next table, and I looked at each other and held up empty hands. NO TISSUES!

Then the bride danced with her father, I thought FOB’s face was going to split open, he was smiling so broadly. He danced exuberantly with his only daughter, twirling her until she laughed. The groom and MOB danced much more sedately.

During that dance, I stepped away to get some club soda. When I returned, I saw the bride leading a grinning DH to the dance floor. And SS21 standing next to our table.

SS: ~holding out his hand~ Ani, would you honor me with this dance?

Ani: I’d love to, SS. Thank you. ~farking mascara~

Here I am, looking up at the smiling face of this handsome young man, seeing my DH at this age, and remembering the pudgy little boy I met 11 years ago.

Ani: When I first met you, I never thought I’d be dancing at your wedding 11 years later.

SS: When I first met you I was terrified!

Ani: Was I so scary?

SS: Kinda. You were the only one Dad introduced us to after the divorce and we were scared things would change.

Ani: Ah. Well, they did change.

SS: For the best. I’m sorry about the times I was a little sh!t.

Ani: I’m sorry about the times I was a big sh!t. ~we laughed~

SS: For real though, Dad’s the happiest I’ve seen him since you.

Ani: I love him. He deserves to be happy. And you, SS. You’re the happiest I’ve ever seen.

SS: ~huge grin~ She’s great!

Ani: Yes, she is.

SS: Ani… Thank you.

Ani: For what??

SS: For being my mom. Even when you didn’t know you were.

Ani: ~choking out~ You’re welcome.

SS: I love you, Ani.

Ani: I love you, too. ~he hugged me~ {that freaking mascara!}

Suffice to say, the rest of the evening was a bit of a blur and you’ll find it anticlimactic. DH and I danced several times. Mr. I’m-Not-Romantic? Held my hand over his heart each time we danced. We talked and laughed with the kids and ate cake that I don’t remember tasting. MOB and I chatted about the newlyweds and sewing and the youngest grandskid fell asleep on my lap. When we headed ‘home’ for the evening, even though it was not at all *my* night, I felt a bit like Cinderella, complete with my prince and glass slippers.

We had lunch with all of the kids/grandkids on Saturday. SD28 and family hit the road for home. SS18 decided to go with them since they had some sightseeing planned. Sunday was beautiful. And hot! But we spent the entire day with the newlyweds. They took us on some touristy activities, and the evening ended with a late dinner over which we lingered. Mrs. SS and I walked along the river, arm in arm while DH and SS21 yakked over some historical stuff and she brought up ‘Ho.

Mrs: Y’know, I thought it was me.

Ani: You?

Mrs: Why BioHo has been acting up. (such a delicate way to put it) I thought she didn’t like me.

Ani: Oh, no. You did nothing wrong. BioHo is an unhappy person. It is NOT you.

 Mrs. Thank you for all you’ve done.

Ani: Well, I really haven’t done anything.

Mrs: Yes, you have. You made SS happy and THAT is everything. You’re a wonderful lady, Ani.

Ani: Thank you so much, Mrs. You are, too. SS is blessed to have you.

Mrs. We feel the same about you.

The next day, while we were driving home, Mrs sent me a text thanking me “for such a lovely day” and asked if she could keep in touch regularly. Of course I said Yes.

Thus far, all has been quiet. ‘Ho hasn’t contacted DH. No one sent me spring-loaded glitter in the mail. If she’s contacted the kids, they have not mentioned it.

But SD25’s wedding is in 5+ months…