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Feeling unwelcome in my own home

Desert Rose's picture

Submitted by Desert Rose on Sat, 06/19/2021 - 3:23am

  My stepson moved back in.  This decision was made between he and his father without consulting me.  I guess my opinion doesn't matter.  He always puts his son before me.  He acts like his son can do no wrong even though he gets in trouble a lot, even with the law.

  He is 16 and does things out of spite.  He purposely makes messes.  He won't listen to me if I tell him to clean it up. He only listens to his father.  Then he'll do a horrible job cleaning it up but his father will defend him. He'll say his son cleaned to the best of his abilities.  Then of course I'll say, "then you can clean the rest up for him".  It creates tension between us which I get blamed for.

  He destroys things and randomly throws my stuff away.  I'll go to take a shower and find my products in the trash.  I took them back out then he dumped them down the drain.  His father talked with him and said he did it because he thought the products were old.  I guess that makes it okay then... Really??? His bottle of shampoo is older than mine.  And since when does he throw anything away without being asked?

  I have put down rules that were agreed on but still have yet to be followed.  No food in the living room or bedroom.  Every time his father will just tell him to clean up his mess.  How about there be a consequence for not following the rules???  It's like he just moved in and took over.  

  I'd move out but it's my house.  I don't know how much longer I can go on feeling unwelcome in my own home.  If I kick my stepson out his father will go with him.  Is it worth ending things?

 

 

 

Comments

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sat, 06/19/2021 - 4:26am

"Is it worth ending things?"

Well, you know that things are only going to get worse and, given that his father enables him, he will never leave on his own. I'd kick them both out. If his father wants to continue your relationship, he can do it from his own home, not in yours. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Sat, 06/19/2021 - 5:24am

I would furious too. Moving SS in without even consulting with you is such a disrespectful thing to do considering it's your home. 

SS is intentionally passive aggressive with you and your SO defends SS. 

Neither your SO or SS have any respect for you. They do not value your boundaries or feelings. You are being used and taken for granted.

I am not sure why at this point you have not served them both with an eviction notice. 

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 06/19/2021 - 7:17am

If I kick my stepson out his father will go with him.

So, what? He doesn't sound any better than his son. He obviously has not respect for you. I wouldn't want to live with either one of them.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Sat, 06/19/2021 - 8:22am

It's your house. What happens when SS16 gets mad enough he puts a hole in the wall? Is Daddykins going to pay you to hire a professional to fix it? My guess is no because his son "didn't mean to".

SS isn't the biggest problem here. You were disrespected. Your property that YOU paid for and YOU continue to pay for has been disrespected. That is more than enough reason to kick out your DH AND makr his son follow.

Why do you think you deserve to put up with this?

Desert Rose's picture

Submitted by Desert Rose on Tue, 06/22/2021 - 11:15pm

I don't think I deserve this.  I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't the one being selfish.  It's been helpful hearing everyone's input.  They've told me what I figured I was probably going to have to do.   

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Sat, 06/19/2021 - 2:17pm

You should have moved them both out the day the SS moved in without your knowledge or consent. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Sun, 06/20/2021 - 6:26am

Welcome.  Hope you don't find the replies to blunt.

Please evict them from your home.  You would never let a roommate do this so why are you accepting this treatment from your DH.  You are not the bad guy for not wanting to have a 3rd roommate who pays no rent and who disrepects your house living with you.

For a while I had YSS living with us.  I'd agreed to him moving in but hadn't realised how much I would come to hate it.  If DH hadn't had my back both of them would have been gone.  Or more likely, the property would have been sold and I would have bought myself a lovely 1 bed appartment to enjoy alone.

Desert Rose's picture

Submitted by Desert Rose on Tue, 06/22/2021 - 11:33pm

Thanks!  I don't mind blunt comments so it's all good.  I love your comment about selling the house and moving into a one bedroom apartment.  That actually crossed my mind! Lol  I might have to do that so when they move out they don't try moving back in. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 06/21/2021 - 12:25pm

Im guessing not.

Ill replicte what the others have said.

1. Your partner moved HIS kid in there without your consent into YOUR home.

2. Your partner doesnt have your back and give repercussions for SS disrespecting you and your home.

3. Your partner is working against you in defending the SS actions of disrespect.

So - in answer to your questions, move them both out, this one is not going to change and you will continue to be frustrated and angry. Life is too darn short for that kind of misery.

Desert Rose's picture

Submitted by Desert Rose on Wed, 06/23/2021 - 12:23am

We're not married, thank goodness.  Things would be a lot messier.  After the amount of disrespect I received from him he proved himself unworthy.