I lost the battle
I lost the battle with my DH , told my 26 year old unemployed loaf SS to go stay at his mothers house when his dad is traveling for work and my DH said we can't uproot him because he has "health issues" I know these issues are made up so he doesn't have to work. Sleeps all day, up all night and talks to no one in the house. He has some mental issue like aspergers, depression or anger issues. My husband called his ex and of course, I am to blame! I'm trying to kick her son out and I'm a b***h. SS sees his mother 3x a year at most, lives 5 minutes away. I am so tired of this situation, I want to leave but economically I can't. Even my ex husband is worried for me! He offered for me to stay at his house when my husband travels. Really makes me so sad.
- Lissy70's blog
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What? So his dad isn't there
What? So his dad isn't there and they expect YOU to put up with him when his own MOTHER lives 5 mins away? Somethign seriously wrong with that picture.
Yes! It's all in me! I don't
Yes! It's all in me! I don't want this problem. I have 3 teens I have raised to be responsible people. It's so wrong!
I'm sorry. It's sad when
I'm sorry. It's sad when parents don't do their jobs so their child can be an independent, functioning member of Society. Who will take care of this nonfunctioning adult when his parents are gone? Your DH and his ex should be thinking about that.
Exactly! How will he survive!
Exactly! How will he survive! And he's a hoarder on top of it! I'm so sick of this.
Go stay with your ex.
Go stay with your ex. My impression is you don't feel safe staying with your SS while your DH is away. If you feel comfortable staying with your ex, go there while your DH is gone. Maybe that will make him wake up. If you can't leave for financial reasons, start planning and making changes now so you will have the ability to make a move in the future.
Yes I feel safer at my ex's
Yes I feel safer at my ex's house than here. Thank you!
Exit
Start planning your exit. Work out the money issues- make a plan. He is never leaving.
I really want to so badly. I
I really want to so badly. I have 2 kids in college this is so hard financially.
So, his mother is calling you
So, his mother is calling you a bitch but she is not willing to take her own son in? But, you're the bitch? Okay.
I do believe that I would be staying with the ex, since he offered.
At some point, you have to take a stand. Either insist that he goes to his mother's or you go stay at your ex's.
Please don't let these people railroad you.
Health issues, my ass.
You have not lost this battle, you just need a different battle plan.
Thank you! I am definitely
Thank you! I am definitely staying at my ex's. Just have to think of a new battle plan!
I would develop a plan that
I would develop a plan that all allows you to exit this relationship as otherwise you are going to be stuck living with SS for life I reckon.
Gotta love excuses for shitty
Gotta love excuses for shitty parenting.
smh
Sending him to his mother's a
Sending him to his mother's a mere 5 minutes away is hardly "uprooting" him, FFS. Tell your idiot husband to get his arse and his brain into gear and make sure he goes to his mother's place or you will be staying with your ex.
What a pair of wasters you live with!
Sending him to his mother's a
Sending him to his mother's a mere 5 minutes away is hardly "uprooting" him, FFS.
Right? But it's okay for the 26 year old, purposely unemployed layabout to intrude on HER space in HER own home.
That's what I said!! It's
That's what I said!! It's only when my husband travels not kicking him out here!
Well, he really does need to
Well, he really does need to leave, permanently. He is taking advantage of the situation.
You have hosted him long enough, it's BM's turn or he can get a job and get back on his own.
That's what I said!! It's
That's what I said!! It's only when my husband travels not kicking him out here!
Wow both BM and DH somehow
Wow both BM and DH somehow think SS is your responsibility. They are treating you like some kind of indentured servant. I would take ex's offer and leave because it's obvious they are both out of their minds and aren't going to change.
Yes I don't see this changing
Yes I don't see this changing.
This one really makes me mad
Put your foot down. This is your home, you get to choose who lives there. Tell your useless DuH that YES you are a bitch and YES you want to kick his son out and YES he is going to leave whether he and his father like it or not! You don't care where he goes so your DuH had better find a solution and find it NOW!
Actually I signed a pre nup
Actually I signed a pre nup and it's not my house my DH made sure of that. I was not consulted about a 20somwthing loaf staying with us either.
Ok.... so what do you get? I
Ok.... so what do you get? I mean, marriage is supposed to be mutually beneficial to BOTH people.
Yes I agree. So I live
Yes I agree. So I live somewhere for "free" with my 3 kids. But we are married! I wouldn't let my kid move back in without consulting him and there would be rules!!
In other words, you are
In other words, you are treated like a lodger? The house belonged to your husband before you got married, I suppose?
Yes his home and he refused
Yes his home and he refused to buy a different home for "us" my stupid mistake.
Yes because anyone getting into a relationship or marriage
With someone expects that their 26yr old son would still be living at home...
My advice
You mentioned leaving or leaving when your husband is out of the house.
SO:
for NOW, ust disengage completely.
- Get a job
- separate finances, get your own bank account. Make copies of all important documents. Dont mention this.
- See a lawyer to see what your options are legally/financially. You mentioned this house was already purchased prior to marriage. Many things come into play with marital assets before/after marriage. Even if you do not want to leave your husband, you need to get information and see what your options are. Knowledge is power.
- SS NEEDs to see his mother, you are only thinking of HIS best interests.
- Block BM out, communicate only with hubsand.
Thank you for your help! I do
Thank you for your help! I do have a job and we keep finances separate (he makes much more than me so to his benefit). I unfortunately signed a prenup agreement and know just what I WON"T recieve in a divorce! It was a 2 weeks before the wedding deal so I had a hard time negotiating.
I agree seeing BM is to his benefit and I don't appreciate being made out as a monster for suggesting this. I will definitely be disengaging!
Balance of Power
So, the balance of power is all on your husbands side: he ownes the house you reside in, he makes a ton more money than you do, and you signed a prenup. It would still be beneficial to consult with an attorney. AND you can negotiate a post-nup.
But for now, stand your ground about SS going to visit the mother and block the BM.
Lol so useless bio mum is saying you’re kicking
Her precious manbaby out of your home when she sees him 3c max a year, makes it to be your responsibility to care for her son who didn't come put of your belly and you're made to be the bad person? What a shit mother!!
the fact your exhusband is worried and has more concern for you, your safety, sanity and health speaks volumes especially with him offering you a place to stay.
seriously if ss parents couldn't figure oht a plan to launch a 26 yr old kid, they never bloody will. Bio mum is just like all typical bio mums if divorce who plam off their kids to the new wife who's expected to sacrifice and uproot her life for precious 1st kids whilst she gets to eff off living life partying like a single woman with freedom.
i've seen Down syndrome kids if younger age get jobs and be productive members if society. Ss imaginary health issue are just an excuse to freeload off of you.
life aint worth to sacrifice for your husband and ss like this. Your husband needs a firm ultimatum and plan. It's ridiculous bio mum is trying to cry my poor 26 yr old is being kicked out of home. He should have been independent enough 6 yrs ago with a fulltime job like alot of kids with proper parents do