Hi, Just came for a vent and hope that someone can relate. I dont have any friends with Stepkids so they cant relate. I met my stepson when he was 3 and he will soon be 16. I noticed early on my in laws never inforced discipline and gave in easy which has always aggrevated me. I was also called 'evil stepmum' (joklingly) by them which eventually I put a stop to as it was also over silly things like telling SS off so eating with his mouth open or wearing a hat in restaurants. I dont have an issue with my in laws they are the best but I dont agree with how they are with my SS. Anyway, SS did the usual play us against his mum and stepdad but we all communicated well and the issue seemed to stop but every now and again its an issue. SS always ok behaved, dont well in school. Usual kid issues growing up but things have seemed to spiral. 

SS mum and step dad now split up (they have an additional 4 boys together), SS always says step dad doesnt want to know him and they always used to argue. I spoke to step dad once and he admitted mum never back him up with discipline (hes known the step son since a baby). I heard my SS is part of the reason they separted to I can believe it! 

Recently my SS behaviour has totally flipped I think hes a pathological liar amongst other things. All four of us parents have shead many tears due to this child. I have had weekends ruined due to his behviour, holidays, anniversairies. I cant take it anymore 

My husband is close to giving up on him but I know he wont but I wish he would. Just recently SS got soooooo drunk to the point we had to ring an ambulance my husband had to go over to the house incase he had to go to the hospital. My SS shown no remorse for his actions and even though he nearly choked on his vomit he thinks he would have been 'ok' if people just left him alone. My SS told us he was ok at school and he was even doing an extra lesson to get higher marks (sounds good right) well we found out the truth was the school were MAKING in attend extra classes as he was FAILING coming up to last year of school preppeing for his GCSE's and hes FAILING!!!!!! He finds it so easy to lie to our faces about everything. He could be holding a cruncie in his hand and argue with you convincing himself its a snickers. We have offered him counselling which he says he doesnt need. We try to liase with the school but due to COVID we cant have face to face meetings and they are not setting up punishment processes at this time. 

Last week he got a detention he didnt attend but he claims the school cancelled it? We dont believe this and then he also has another detention. He also told us he doesnt have to do this class anymore as teacher told him he can work from home but I checked and guess what, its only because SS asked he knew we wouldnt approve so he deceived us. 

This weekend SS went shopping with his friend my inlaws gave him money even though my husband told them not to due to his behaviour. Anyway he went to town with his friends didnt buy clothes he told his grandparents he would but spend £15 on food!. I asked him to contact me when/where he wanted picking up he told me he was still with his mates shopping but would tell me when he was on the bus. My husband and SS mum can track him on his phone so we were monitoring his whereabouts. My stepson was back in his hometown but I still didnt hear from his and it was gone 9:30pm before he spoke to his mum said where he was so we went to get him and the little so and so had the nerve to blame me as he told me he was back so he expected me to get him. I made it clear i didnt know where he was or what time as he never told me, he knew what he was doing. 

He honeslty lies so much... his nana told him she wanted the money he had from shopping and she was not happy with him. I know this as I checked his messages. I know i shouldnt but I wanted to test him as all weekend he did nothing but tell us to 'trust him' it was trust me this trust me that. Telling us how he will change blah blah. So when he was leaving for his nana i told him to take the money. He told me his nana said he could keep it to order clothes online, i asked when he then decided he hadnt asked her. When i said i no his nana is mad and she wanted her money he denied it. I then said I saw the message he then said oh i must have missed it. Which is funny as he actually replied to her message. He tried to turn it around saying I am wrong for reading his message. His dad interjected and said if he wasnt so deceptful we wouldnt and it was clearly a test he failed. I told SS he wasnt having any clothes and whether his nana wanted the money or not he gives it back and he doesnt get the new clothes. 

Yesterday I was in tears, I know kids lie but I cant explain how bad this is, im sick of crying, getting angry, trying to be clam, trying to help I do this for my husband (he knows my feelings) but I dont want my SS i the house anymore im sick of bad weekends when all i want is to relax after hell at work. His mum has kicked him out a few times, she rings to check we are taking him on weekends so she can have peace. 

Any one else know how to deal with lies, sick of articles that say oh its teenage hormones etc he knows right from wrong, he chooses the path he takes. I am 1 of 4 kids and I can tell you none of us gave my parents this level of hell (yes i asked them)

Anyone else struggling like this ?