Leave me out
I have no relationship with my stepson, his choice not mine. I attended SS wedding with my husband nearly 2 years ago and was totally ignored. Since then the contact between my husband and his son has been minimal, their choice. My SS is 30 this month and is having a family day. My husband is invited and wants me to go too. I will be away at the time at our seaside holiday home, admittedly not that far from SS's home but I don't want to go. Am I obliged to go? My family are loving, welcoming and supportive of my husband and work at maintaining a relationship with him. I feel my being at my SS's house on his birthday will not be his choice or that if his family, but my husbands need. My mental health has already been impacted by events this last year. I feel entitled to protect myself and let husband and son create their own relationship but is this OK?
Were you invited by SS or did
Were you invited by SS or did he invite DH and DH is figuring he can bring you? I might consider going if I was specifically invited. Otherwise, I'd enjoy my time at the seaside home.
Welcome to the site!
Yes, I would be interested to know if the invitation included you by name. If it did not, I would be very disappointed if my DH did not take this up with his rude son. Personally, if I had been treated coldly by an adult SKID I would be very hesitant to engage in further socialising with them, but it could be that by having a "family" day your SS is attempting to include everyone. If this is not the case, I certainly wouldn't go and I would pretty unimpressed if my DH wanted to take part in an event from which I were specifically excluded.
I agree
w/ the other posters, were you actually invited by SS or is DH trying to get you to go w/ him anyway?
I would probably tell husband that rather than make everyone very uncomfy I'll stay away and he can make it a brief visit if he wants or if it's going well maybe stay for the afternoon.
Yes, were you invited and
Yes, were you invited and does your husband address his son's rudeness to you? If he doesn't, I sure as hell wouldn't interrupt a beach vacation to go with him. Unless there's been some change in his son or how your DH deals with him, I think you can expect more of what you got at the wedding. Don't reward DH's failure to address the issue by accompanying him. Now if he HAS addressed it with his son, and son owned his behavior, then I'd consider going.
Leave me out
SS invited his Dad and mentioned us both going but no mention of my name or direct invitation. My husband really doesn't want to go without me but his daughter is going so I don't feel I am misbehaving.
SS has no contact with me ever. He knows I send cards, gifts but acknowledgement is always to his Father. I see no value in the relationship to either of us really
If your H isn't willing to
If your H isn't willing to directly address his son's lack of respect for you as a human and his dad's partner, then he isn't standing up for you and doesn't deserve to have you around as a support/buffer during gatherings.
Enjoy the beach,and leave them to it.
Your husband wants you to go
Your husband wants you to go with him, yet he's done nothing to address the issue of you being ignored. Well...he doesn't get to have it both ways. Either he stands up for you consistently or you don't attend functions with him where you will be invisible.
And, I'd stop buying the gifts for the ungrateful skid too. Leave that 100% to your husband. I personally don't buy gifts for people who don't acknowledge that I exist.