Court AGAIN today
Well, back at it again. My husband has to sit through court for 2-3 days, while his terrible ex-wife brings in 'witnesses' to testify that he's a monster that shouldn't be allowed to see his son because...what?! I don't know. There's literally no reason. The majority of these 'witnesses' don't even know my husband, have never even laid eyes on him, so I'm not sure what they're testifying to. Of course, BM has her mother and aunt, who are complicit in the parental alienation, and for some reason, my husband's bitter, self-righteous nasty step-mom has decided to chime in on behalf of BM, even though they've never spent any significant time together and haven't seen each other for over 10 years. It's absolutely ludicrous that he has to keep going through this. His anxiety is palpable. He didn't sleep last night, and when he did he was plagued with dreams in which he was crying and crying but didn't know why. His body language says he's already resigned himself to defeat. He's offering to settle, so that his son no longer has to go through this and so he no longer has to go through this, at least for now.
I hope BM accepts the offer and this ends today instead of refusing and forcing DH to sit through a bunch of mostly strangers bad-mouthing him and trying to convince the judge that his son hates him and shouldn't have to see him if he doesn't want to. I suspect she will opt for the latter because she's so spiteful and cruel and will take pleasure in watching him be attacked.
My heart is aching for him and I don't know what to do to make this better.
If this goes forward I hope his attorney is worth the money we've paid her and thoroughly destroys BM.
I don't know how much more his poor heart can take, and I know I'm done watching him be treated like a dirtbag.
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Comments
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Your DH would be wise to drop the rope and let go. I know how hard that is, my DH had to do it, but you can't win against a mother hell-bent on alienation and it will destroy both the child and the father
We've been slowly coming to
We've been slowly coming to that realization. I would just love to have one full day in which that hag did not make an appearance in mine or my husband's thoughts or conversations. Just one.
This makes me BIG mad for you
This makes me BIG mad for you! I don't do the dropping the rope thing well. It has been hard for me and the fight we have had- I feel like we did everything we could. I think your husband should sit there and fight for his kid. His lawyer should stop everyone who is testifying and call it heresay- if they don't know him they can't testify against him. Sure they can testify FOR BM but not against your husband. His lawyer needs to earn his dang check!
It's over. She agreed to the
It's over. She agreed to the settlement. Instead of having him for two months out of the summer, we'll have him for 3 weeks. Honestly, BM has him so screwed up right now, I'm not sure we could handle more than 3 weeks. This has been the culmination of 10 years worth of fighting with this woman while she spent every breath, every waking moment she could to influence SS's opinions and feelings about his father. Once we moved out of state, she went full bore on the poor kid. In this case, the judge is an idiot (compared SS to her cat...), and DH's attorney not nearly aggressive enough in my opinion, so if she had not agreed to the settlement proposal it probably would not have gone well. I'm relieved it's over (for now, at least). DH is going to continue being a consistent presence in his son's life as long as his son wants him to be, and hopefully, SS will realize what's really going on before too long. At the rate things have been going one of us was going to have a heart attack or a stroke or we were going to end up divorced from the constant anger and anxiety we were experiencing daily from BM's constant stream of hostile bullsh#@. We can breathe again. I'm gonna have a cocktail and enjoy the sun while I can!
How old is your SS? My SS
How old is your SS? My SS started refusing visits at 15. Then we had REAL peace. And he did come back around again at 18.5 or so. Now he's 21 and DH talks to him fairly consistently, though SS is still totally dependent on BM.
Don't let this woman ruin your lives, thrive as best you can and don't make keeping a relationship with SS the most important thing.
My SS is 11. I know it's
My SS is 11. I know it's just a matter of time before he's going to start refusing to come for his visits, and we've been preparing ourselves for that. DH is going to make sure he knows he's always welcome if and when he wants to visit but he's not going to try and force him when it gets to that point. I'm not gonna lie, my feelings won't be hurt if he doesn't come out for his visits.
It was awful at first - but
It was awful at first - but then we had 3.5 BM free years, and it was wonderful.
Two Possibilities:
Two Possibilities:
1. The judge is not an idiot and realizes how stupid it is that witnesses are testifying against DH when they don't even know him, and the judge also realizes that this means BM has been badmouthing DH to a lot of people, including the skids.
or
2. The judge is an idiot and there's nothing DH can do but put down the rope.
Either way, the chips will fall where they fall.
This may not help any
But I've just watched a friend of mine go through the most terrible pa. He's currently not seeing his children at all. He deals with it by writing to them everyday. He can't send it but he just writes and keeps it. He also has a spare phone and texts them often. If they ever come back it's there for them to see how much they were loved and thought of.
I'm so sorry for your friend.
I'm so sorry for your friend. Slowly losing your kids through pa is brutal. I love the way he's keeping a journal of sorts with the letters and texts. Seems like it's not only an important record for his kids someday to know how he felt about them but probably therapeutic for him as well.