I met virtually with Therapist 2.0 in early July.  He seemed personable and discussed the type of approach he practiced.  We then went into my goals.  I specifically told him my only goals were to confirm Bratty’s timing for moving out and to get alignment around visits to our home.  At a higher level I wanted to clarify my role in the ‘family’ as I did not want to be Bratty’s stepmother.  I also told him I disliked Bratty but felt guilty about coming between her and SO, and that was the only reason I was even willing to participate in therapy sessions at all – because I loved SO and wanted him to have a relationship with Bratty but she was giving him the cold shoulder because she was upset at me for having to move out.

He said everything made sense and he thought there was opportunity to improve how we communicate.  With that we went ahead and scheduled a group session.  The first session the therapist covered some specific communication skills and techniques that we would use in future sessions.  It was all fine.

In the next session, Bratty started off (practicing the learned technique from the prior session) explaining that my anger towards her was triggering as it reminded her of her mother’s verbal abuse.  I practiced my listening skills, apologized, and did my best to validate her feelings.  Bratty couldn’t just let it lie though and went on and on the entire session about how damaging it is for her.  I listened patiently and we ended the session with an assignment from the therapist to email a list of specific goals to everyone.

SO and I send an email of our goals.  One of mine were to discuss specific plans for Bratty to move out.  Bratty responded to my email and piled on her prior complaints.  She said she had a lot of emotions over the requirement to move out and wanted to discuss.  Also she said she wanted to confirm if it was ok for her to leave the session if I became angry because [insert the long prior explanation that was discussed in the prior session].  Bratty also submitted her other goals which were her holiday plans, making sure I took accountability for my behavior, and that I respected her boundaries.  She also wondered if I had time to reflect on her prior comment with Therapist 1.0 suggesting I could be her stepmom (?!?!).  Um ok whatever but I didn’t respond via email and waited until the session.

At the next session, Bratty requests to begin AGAIN with complaining about how I lost my temper with the prior therapist 1.0.  Therapist 2.0 listens and then mentions this was discussed and dealt with in the prior session and we should move onto other goals, and if Bratty felt the need then of course she leave the call to regroup. 

Bratty seemed satisfied and we moved on to next goal of Bratty moving out.  Bratty started over with the same complaints that were given to Therapist 1.0 – she shouldn’t have to move out, we should store her things, etc.  This time SO stepped in and said a definitive no.  Bratty then teared up and said she how is she supposed to feel loved by him if she has no space in the familial home (??? She lived here one summer and apparently now it is her familial home ???).  SO assured her that just because her things weren’t here did not mean he did not love her and would be there for her.  Therapist 2.0 gently advised Bratty that you don’t always get what you want, and it was time for her to work on concrete plans for moving.

I then mention that I had sympathy that moving out on your own for the first time was challenging and talked about my experience moving away from my parents and how scary it was at times.  Bratty was actually offended and said her experience was different.  The therapist jumped in to mediate and we thought the matter was settled – I acknowledged of course her experience was unique and I was simply sharing mine.

I was able to discuss my point of view that Bratty never made a serious attempt to connect with me.  Bratty tried to defend herself by saying she got me cards, etc. which I told her felt superficial.  When she moved to the Bay Area she connected with Aunts and Uncles there and scheduled lunches and other stuff with them.  I couldn’t remember one time in the past 5 years that Bratty asked me to lunch, or a movie, or a walk.  I always initiated.  Bratty was silent and Therapist 2.0 coached her on validating my feelings and Bratty complied. 

We re-hashed Thanksgiving 2018 and Bratty circled the drain with the same lame excuses as before.  I didn’t understand lactose intolerance, I served no vegan food (my errors), she only went to Boston Market the next day because of SO (who said he didn’t want to go and she picked the restaurant) and then finally Bratty threw Boston Market under the bus saying it was the restaurant’s fault for not having any vegan options.  The therapist tried to get Bratty to validate my feelings that she was ungrateful for the invitation and effort I put forth but Bratty couldn’t even stammer through that.

At this point we were out of time and were going to schedule the next session.  Then, despite what happened with Therapist 1.0, Bratty decided to send yet another email to the therapist.  This time with myself and SO included.  I vividly remember relaxing after dinner on Sunday evening and glancing at my phone.  I read the first paragraph of Bratty’s email and threw my phone down, turned to SO and said WTF.  He read his email and was also disturbed.  I was upset and told him I was done (well, the language was more colorful but that was the end result). 

We’ll see what was in Bratty’s now notorious email, my reaction to it, and what happened in the next chapter…