SDs tiktok
So SD9 has a tiktok account. Which I feel is unnecessary for her age to start with. So most of it is just really weird random nothing. But there's one video where it's a duet and half the screen his her and half another video. The other half is things to kill people with and her half she holds up a knife. So my first thought is has BM seen this? There's no way. Well, there's another video that BM is in where they do a magic 8 ball and she says "Is my mom crap?" And the 8 ball says yes and they both laugh.
Wtf, we're the bad house supposedly?! And she doesn't want to live here because we don't allow her free access to the internet and she can't make these videos and talk to people online.
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Yeah, that's typical. These
Yeah, that's typical. These alienating BMs are never actual parents, they are pals to their kids. Seems great to the kid, but they end up dysfunctional adults with no life skills.
I feel like it's gonna blow
I feel like it's gonna blow up in BMs face at some point- probably when she's a teen - and then it's still going to be our fault somehow according to them
No takesies backsies.
No takesies backsies.
Nope nope nope. BM gets to
Nope nope nope. BM gets to live with the consequences
My SD's BM is like that too.
My SD's BM is like that too. Gives her a phone with little to no restrictions at the age of 9. Ridiculous. My SD doesn't even understand internet safety. You are doing the right thing by not allowing this at your home. Kids crave rules and structure and they don't understand the dangers of the internet. Sounds like your SO is supporting you in this as well. Hopefully your SD realizes down the road that you and your SO we're doing what was best for her.
Right? Like would you let
Right? Like would you let your kids go around doing this in public to strangers in real life?! I don't think kids (and some adults) really grasp that everyone can see what they post.
One of my SD's at 10 did a
One of my SD's at 10 did a tiktok that everyone just needed to accept her bisexuality. Same SD had a random message her by accident and she kept baiting him to keep replying to her like she was challenging a predator instead of just blocking. Smh.
I didnt even think about the
I didnt even think about the fact that there could be DMs we can't see too omg.
Yep! SD10 has a cell phone at
Yep! SD10 has a cell phone at BMs house with unlimited internet access and any apps she wants. I found her tik toks and showed DH. Videos of her shaking her butt saying she's a "bad b!tch"... all kinds of crazy inappropriate things. DH was furious and deep down, I feel like he saw her differently after that... no longer this sweet innocent angel he thought she was.
He confronted BM about it and she said she knows SD is on tik tok and wants her daughter to "find herself and be able to express it." I guess that means even if she wants her 10 y/o to be a hoe? Lol. Yes, I agree with the above. These delusional BMs are more pals to their kids than parents. Total failures.
As a result, we are the "lame house." SD told DH that he "needs to stop stalking her" on the internet and looking at her videos. To say their relationship has becomed strained is an understatement. I only see it getting worse as she gets older because DH has rules and BM doesn't. It hurts DHs feelings, but I'm okay if that's SDs TRUE colors after all we have done for her. If she decides to go live with BM when she is older and wants nothing to do with us, I say good riddance.
She can express herself in a
She can express herself in a million other ways and there are inappropriate and appropriate ways to express yourself. Why doesn't BM put her in theater or dance or art classes or whatever else to express herself then instead of letting her get addicted to social media attention at 10?
Who knows. They don't co
Who knows. They don't co-parent so DH just tell SD that he can't control whatever happens at BMs, but NO cell phone at our house. Period.
Same here
Exact same situation here. We have told them no phones until high school, SD tried to bring her phone from BMs multiple times, it went in a box in the closet until she left.
But I agree, these BMs try harder to be their kids friend. DH has even said, "She's raising SD to be her next drinking buddy". At least he has no illusions.
We were more disturbed by the things she was trying to Google and access on YouTube, and some of her chats on social media apps, so parental controls were a must which BMs devices don't have. She has zero understanding of internet safety, or even online etiquette (i.e. if you wouldn't say it to their face, don't type it in a chat) because BM lets her do what she wants. We won't have it here.
DH is still trying to figure out how it will work once she's in high school. Less concerned about SS, he can't type/spell and doesn't like being in photos and videos, that could change, but for now no issues with that one.
We went through the messed up
We went through the messed up YouTube and Google searches awhile back also. Luckily no phone yet because BM doesn't want to pay for it. But she won't be using it when she's here when she does get one until she's much older
Oh I recall the rage I felt
Oh I recall the rage I felt when SD 9 showed up with a cell phone- she went through SO many that she broke/lost/damaged and all the internet access. I held FIRM to my decision of waiting until they were older, I think they were 14/15?
When SD would break a phone or lose it, she came over and would try and take mine or dh's - which I finally got on to him about because there were innapropiate pics...no nudes or anything but just flirty stuff between us (we were dating at the time). Not to mention our texts were rated R for sure lol. I reminded him of this and it stopped. I am a firm believer that kids don't need phones until HS really at the earliest. But I"m also a prude apparently-I don't allow 'adult' things for kids- so fake nails, waxing, highlights, hair coloring are a no go. Tattoos were a definate no also - only my oldest son got one and he was over 18. SD who knew our rules found some hood rat that would tattoo young girls illegally- she didn't have money so I don't want to know how he was paid. By the time she was 17 she had more then half her body covered, she started them w/out us knowing around 15. I have never seen DH so angry -and he has tattoos (I don't). I think that's the one time I saw him really light her ass up (verbally). But dang was he mad and disgusted. She knows now to cover them up a bit when she comes over because he gives her dirty looks if not ha!
I don't know how she was able to hide them all that time. She then showed him one, when he exploded the next time she came over in barely any clothing throwing ALL her tattoos in his face, full torso, legs, arms, back...ughhh. Being a minor you don't even get meaningful pretty and/or quality ones, so it just looks like white trash gone senile.
I can imagine my SD will want
I can imagine my SD will want to be one of the first kids her age to get a tattoo. Right now she has half her head shaved (SIL did it) because she likes that people look at her and give her attention for it. The tiktok account is the same thing - she's trying to see how many followers and likes she can get and how many people will comment. Great road to be headed down already at 9. She doesn't want to come here because she can't feed her attention addiction and she gets treated like the normal average kid that she is. It's unfortunate that being average is an insult to her, because it's not meant to be.
Dread it for you. Most of
Dread it for you. Most of the time teenage kids are all hung up on being 'special' noticed, different, etc and do these things for attention. If she's there already at 9 you're in for a tough road- I know this becase SD was like this too. She straightened out a bit now that she's 20 lol
Yeah I've wondered what it
Yeah I've wondered what it will escalate to. I don't think these personality characteristics have fully come out yet because she's so young so I'm wondering what they'll lead her to do as a teen.
My SC got a phone at the age
My SC got a phone at the age of 8 with the excuse of being able to speak to their dad at any time seeing as he was over seas at the time. His children with me did not get this they used my phone. And had tik tok almost immediately. They immediately changed how they dressed and acted. came out as bisexual at 8. This is before we found out that that phone was thier babysitter. All they want to do is be on that dang phone and it has very obviously changed their behavior and personality so many times depending on what's popular.