Acrylic Nails 2.0

Well.. as I predicted acrylic nails 2.0 is in the works.

The summer of 2019 BM took SD 4 times to get her nails done. It stopped in august 2019 and that was the last time until nov 2020 that she had done anything one on one with her.

SO calls me on break earlier this morning saying he got a text from SD asking if he cared if BM takes her to get her nails done next week. He replied I don't care... naturally. Then she followed with.. "the are the fake ones though." SO responded back with of you want too.

Now here is the problem. I'm sure some of you get your nails done so clearly they need maintenance. When BM was taking her in 2019 the few times.....she had SD PAY FOR HER OWN NAILS. She paid once and SD the rest.

So... when SO picked SD up at school today he asked her BM was going to take her to keep them up since missk isn't going to bring because she doesn't have fake nails. SD said how she knows BM goes every two weeks to get her nails done but, she didn't really answer if she was going to be taking her often. I'll add BM religious gets her nails done.. she was doing that when her and SO were married too.

SO just told her that if she starts having to pay for them that she should stop getting them done maybe.. and SD should ask BM to pay for them. SD responded with.. "I feel funny asking mom to pay for them."

WTFFF. How ridiculous that SD feels funny about asking her mother to pay for her f'n nails. I said to SO that this is where there is a problem. SD can NOT feel guilty about BM being such a dirtbag that her daughter feels awkward to expect her to pay for nails. I mean come on! He agrees and thinks it will just be another disappointment. Especially with the nice weather coming and BM and her husband are bikers so they will always be busy per their norm. SO says that BM is pretty much 1 up from a stranger.

Anyways, I predict it will go on probably till the end of school and then it will get old. We will see

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You are right

They need upkeep and it can get pricey. Just stay out of it. After SD experiences her unkempt nails with nobody paying for them, she will realize it's not right for her. Im assuming she doesn't make enough (allowance, babysitting) to pay for them herself. Your line, " Gee, thats a shame". Sounds like BM's feeble idea of how to bond - get our nails done together with no foresight about upkeep.

Exactly. She has some money

Exactly. She has some money in the bank for birthdays and holidays. She will go through it quick with nails though.

How old is she? IMO no girl

How old is she? IMO no girl should have her nails done (acrylic) until she can pay for her own. I feel strongly the same way about highlights. Those things used to be things WOMEN did and more and more it's been transferred as something young girls do- while parents hold the money bag. I am completely against that. Of course you know BM had SD's hair died starting at age 10- her fake nails came shortly after. It's absolutely ridiculous. Maybe she can go with her mom and get a pedicure or manicure instead on her OWN nails? I think it's a good thing that SD doesn't expect her mom to pay for it - I would encourage her to just care for her own nails and get a mani/pedi while w/her mom as the nails are too costly and too much maintenance for her at her age.

Oh I totally agree with the

Oh I totally agree with the fake nails. I don't think she should get them. She will be 14 next month. I really hope SD doesn't ever dye her hair because her naturally hair is gorgeous. When she was 10 BM was semi permanent dying it though. It was awful!! BM knew SO and I hated it and her response: "women like to change their looks." SD was in 5th grade she isn't a woman!!

She should just get a regular mani. I take her for those every once and while.

So many of the girls have fake nails now. It's sad!

My daughter is the same age.

My daughter is the same age. We get our nails done together. When it is softball season, she does just a gel manicure and when she is on breaks from softball I let her do acrylic.

I pay for it. She is a good girl and does a lot for me around the house. I won't pay allowance to my kids, but I do reward them for helping beyond their basic expectations- which she does daily. I also don't mind treating her to a little mother-daughter time. It is our little escape from all the boys LOL

I would never expect a child who is too young to work to pay for them. I also wouldn't even suggest it to her if I couldn't afford the upkeep.

At 15, one of mine decided

At 15, one of mine decided that she wanted acrylic nails. The deal was that I'd let her but she'd pay for it. She kept them nice for a few months but realized that:

it was expensive and her money was vanishing fast and also
it ruined her natural nails.

So she gave them up and started taking more care of her own nails (she has beautiful hands and nails that I greatly envy!).

Acrylic nails were not something I'd have suggested to her in the first place.

TO each their own, I would

TO each their own, I would never do this. 14 year olds do not need FAKE nails. They should be learnign to care for their own and be authentic. I'll be honest I totally judge parents that pay acrylic or any fake hair coloring for any girl under the age of having a job and paying for it herself. I think it is wrong, sends the wrong message and messes up these girls to be honest. Breeds entitlment, vanity and the feeling that fake is better then their natural selves. But if you're happy with your decisions, that is your choice.

See that's the problem with

See that's the problem with the scenario. It's not even the nails themselves.. it's the fact that SD clearly can't afford (at 13) to keep up with them and BM will only pay for so much then expect (SD aka us) to give her money for HER to take her.

It's the "I feel funny" comment from SD to SO that she feels awkward having her own mother who has no financial obligation to have to pay for these nails.

And just for a little more background.. when BM was taking SD in 2019 for these nails they stopped at Michaels once....

SD spent $70 of her own money on that too. BM already has it made by no child support but, she can't even "treat" her to anything without a catch to it.

BM gets her hair and nails

BM gets her hair and nails done regularly. She takes SDs to their sister's house to get Thier hair cut. The sister never took cosmetology so their hair is always chopped and crooked.

I used to take both SDs to the hair salon before they started treating me like crap. Now that's SOs responsibility and he is not a planner and doesn't do anything if I don't nag him. So he doesn't take them either.

SD had been going to my hair

SD had been going to my hair dresser pretty much since I entered the picture. Before that SO would take her to a salon that did walk ins. BM likes to pick and chose "the things she shouldddddd be doing." Hair cuts apparently don't qualify for her list.

I think we all know, for SD,

I think we all know, for SD, this likely has little to do with nails and everything to with having SOME kind - ANY kind - of relationship with her mother. And that is bothersome, because it doesn't sound like SD cares about getting her nails unless BM offers it up.

My fear is that SD is learning she is only valuable to certain people if she 1) changes how she looks and what she likes, and 2) pays for the privilege of their disrespect because she'd rather have A relationship than a HEALTHY relationship.

Do you think if you framed it to SO that WAY that he'd have a serious talk with SD about this? He doesn't have to trash BM, but having a conversation about "hey, it's okay to not lock yourself into something long term you don't want to do and pay for just because the person only wants to be involved with you if you do" seems like a really smart conversation to have.

Additionally, on the money front, your SO needs to combat and squash that guilt quickly. DH had a conversation with OSS about this in regards to ET. He told OSS that he can help his mom move a couch, but he should NEVER loan her money. And if ET comes asking for money, OSS has permission to tell her to talk to DH, because he'll tell her to eff right off with that crap. Your SO should take a similar approach.

I don't think SD thinks she

I don't think SD thinks she has to change her appearance to be valued. She does though struggle with weight. She almost 6 feet tall and 200lbs. Getting her to do anything is a whole other topic.

I do like your approach with the commitment . SO did tell her to not feel guilty of getting BM to pay for them. The thing is BM doesn't really know her kids. She knows about school and stuff to a degree but, this is the only thing BM has done with SD over years now and it's just a handful of times.

My problem isn't even the nails themselves it's the guilt the skids feel. BM beat into their brains for years (they have been separated for almost 10 years now) that she never had extra money to do anything with them. Yet, she was buying everything and anything for herself. It was always "daddy makes more money then me." EVEN when SO was giving her $650 a month not court ordered for EOWE.

SO goes about certain things to casual IMO. This is what bothers me. I'm the total opposite when it comes to certain things.

I understand about the guilt,

I understand about the guilt, and BMs not really knowing their kids, etc. It sucks so much for the kids, and as competent adults, we can't help but to be super salty with the parent who lets this happen.

I also understand where your SO is coming from. DH didn't want to address the lack of money ET had (in spite of him paying for literally everything) until the boys were older. He didn't address it with OSS until he was a senior in HS and we were prepping to launch him off to college. He didn't want the boys to hate their mother, but he also set them on a path where silence = agreement with her actions, even though privately DH disapproved of what she was doing.

It's hard to strike a balance. SD might have to learn on her own that this is who her mother is. However, I think it continues to be appropriate for you to share with your SO your concerns and try to frame it differently for him. Yes, getting nails done means SD gets to spend time with BM, but it also puts SD in an awkward spot where not having money means she doesn't get to see her mom. That's going to stress SD out when she feels like she wants or needs to see her mom but can't afford it.

I understand where he is

I understand where he is coming from too but, how long does it go on for before something has to be said. That's where I am at now. SD is smart and by her own observation she knows BM doesn't pay for anything. She's never with her sooo...

Also. BM has weekends off (SO and I both work weekends) so skids were always home just hanging out. It's not like expect her to spend money on skids for her to see them.. a simple dinner at her house would be good. Not once has she had them over for dinner in 3 years. 3 years!!

You guys will like this.. she recently tried pawning her "old" thigh high boots off to SD. SD couldn't be more opposite then thigh high boots. This girl wears fuzzy socks and vans flats. She doesn't need healed boots in 8th grade when she's already a foot taller then half her friends.

I feel you. I wish DH would

I feel you. I wish DH would have spoken up sooner on some things (not everything), and he's doing better with YSS with talking about this stuff. You're right, though. These kids aren't dumb. They know what's going on. Even when/if they play along with the games, it's because these are their parents and they want to assume their parents have their best interests at heart.

Hang in there. It's bullsh*t. We all know it's bullsh*t. They know it's bullsh*t. There's just not much we can do.

Oh it definitely bullshit!

Oh it definitely bullshit! Haha

Your Skids' BM is a POS. Poor

Your Skids' BM is a POS. Poor SD.

Personally I wouldn't waste a penny on fake nails, but if SD wants to do, that's on her. I'd remind her upfront that she'll likely have to pay for the upkeep - or maybe she just wants the outing with BM and doesn't care about keeping the nails ongoing.

Does BM pay Child Support? I hope so.

I'd make sure Dad

has a sit down, casual of course, w/ SD beforehand and remind her that this is how she'll be spending her own $$ and if it's what she really wants. That it's okay to not want to. But honestly, it may be SD's only way to get Mom to spend this time w/ her and that in itself might be worth it to her.

I'm on the fence with this

I'm on the fence with this one, not because of BM, but because of a 14 y/o having fake nails. I've been getting my nails done since I was in my early 20's. Ya know, when I was able to afford them and the regular upkeep. (My fill-ins can run upward of $40.00 these days.) I can understand your SD wanting to have pretty nails - pretty typical for a girl her age. A regular manicure with nice polish would be the more appropriate option expense-wise.

I disagree with the fake

I disagree with the fake nails 100%. It is just going to leave SD disappointed. It's more the guilt that she has with not expecting BM to always pay. BM has zero obligation to skids.

I don't understand taking

I don't understand taking your yougn daughter out for a treat and making her pay for it. I take my SD out for mani pedis. I pay.

I get my nails done (gel overlay) every 2-3 weeks which is $45 + tax and tip, fake nails would be even higher. That's a lot for a young girl to keep up and pay for.

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