It's too much to write my whole 6 year relationship with this horrible man

Before even reading all of your post, and I will go back and read it, WHY are you staying with this man?

Ok, I read the whole thing. I have not been in your sitation but others have that can offer you better advice. There is a way out.

Do NOT put his mother on the deed to YOUR house, do not buy a house that you cannot afford on your own, do not even let him move into your house, as you will then have to evict him, which will be a mess. He and his kids being homeless is his problem. I don't mean to sound heartless, but at this point, you have to look out for you and yours, he needs to care of his own.

There must be resources in your area that help women in abusinve situations, yes?

You say you don't have a support sytem, but you do have friends, so even if it's just emotional support, you do have support.

It's not going to be easy but it will be better than staying with this jerk. In this case, your kids would probably be better off without him in their lives, also.

Don't buy a house.  You need to contact your local women's shelter/domestic violence group for assistance in getting separated and safe. 

I have been in abusive relationships too but not on the level you are at and I'm sorry you are having to endure it.

Slip a note to your realtor telling them you need help. 
 

The fact he can not provide a roof for his own should prove to you he needs you more than you need him.  If you do buy a house, don't let him move in, you will never get him out.  Sounds like you do have people who might support you.  Are you married, I can't tell by your post.  If not you hold most cards concerning the children.  There a few women on the bord who have successfully left an abusive relationship and hopefully they will chime in.  
 

You can leave him and your life can be better.  You do have rights and power. He just doesn't want you to know that.  

Do not buy a house. Yes, you can qualify for a mortgage, but do not buy until you divorce this guy and disengage yourself finamcially from him. Under no circumstances add him or anyone in his family to a deed or anything legal. 

Call your local women's shelter and talk to them. Talk to them and listen to their advice. Talk to a couple of lawyers. Find out exactly where you stand where you live. Do not let his threats intimidate you. 

Dont hide what is happening from family and friends. They can't help you if they don't know you need help.

You are in the US. You mentioned his late wife. If she is dead, he should be getting social security benefits for the children. With whatever money he is earning, plus the SS benefits, he should be able to afford a place to live. If not, he can move in with his mom. 

Others have said it - call a domestic violence shelter and go there. They will help you get on your feet. Since you have children, you are tied to him for the next 18+ years, but that doesn't mean you have to live in misery.

I don't have advice on how to get out (other than to second the domestic abuse shelter suggestion). However, I would NOT buy a house right now, nor would I sign a lease with this man. Do nothing until you have a workable plan. Buying a house, whether or not he or his mother is on the deed, ties you down at a time when you need to be flexible. 

Edit to add: how does he control your finances? Do you work? Have joint accounts? Are you married?  

He is a horrible man, why are you worried about his threat of not seeing your boys? Seriously, he doesn't take care of his kids, why do you think he would take care of yours? This actually makes things easier when you leave - please leave!

If you are not married - in most states - you automatically have full legal custody (even if he is on the birth certificate). He wil have to go to court for custody. 

Call a women's shelter for assistance (they can confirm the above for your state - and any state you may want to move to). They can provide temporary shelter where he can not locate you and you can wait to purchase until you figure out where you want that to be - I recommend it is not in the same town as him. That makes it easier to harrass you. Do NOT buy one of the houses you have already looked at. And if you are married, wait until the divorce is final.

Start packing things up - it shouldn't be too unusual - you are moving soon after all and being so pregnat it takes longer, you are tired more easily, etc. Everything you do not NEED on a daily basis. Of course only your things and your childrens things, but he probably won't notice. Kitchen stuff especially! That seems to take the longest to pack. 

Do his kids attend school? Can your friends help you pack everything in one day while he is at work and move you out? 

I had to do this. I packed some things over a week under the guise of "spring cleaning and packing winter/no longer need stuff". And then while formerSO was at work I packed the rest and had 2 people help me move. I had dropped formerSO's kid with his grandmother, using the excuse I was going to go look at daycares. (Even though my formerSO was trying like hell to keep me from going back to work!)

Feel free to PM me if you need some moral support. 

As a survivor of domestic abuse, PLEASE take whatever steps necessary to escape this relationship. 

The others have given you good tips. Use them. I beg you.

If you have the money to buy a house. I would take that money and contact your family and try to make arrangements to go stay with someone and make a fresh start far from DH. Contact a DV shelter for help with counseling, assistance with OOP and guidance. 

Enough time for you to find employment and a place of your own and start over. I doubt DH will file for divorce most narcs won't do that. Once you are established you can file in your own. 

I left with DS and  2 suitcases and lived in a refinished basement for 6 months. Getting my life back together was a long process but It was worth it and I would do it again. 

He wants you to add HIS MOM on the deed.....Oh for the Love of God.

Absolutely no.

Everyone else gave you sound advise.

It can be difficult leaving a narc because they have a ‘fake’ nice side. But that’s just what it is - fake, to keep you sucked in. 

When I was young my driving instructor used to tell me stories of her narc ex husband. I wish I took more notice because I now have a narc ex husband  ( my choice ). 

Please listen to people telling you to come up with a plan. 

Take care. Big hug. 

This was my blog from January 24th:

8 years ago today I was thrown up against the wall, held by my throat and told that he would make sure I never saw my kids again. This happened in front of my daughter (5 yrs old) who was standing on the stairs right behind the monster I married. 

8 years ago today I took out a restraining order and had the police escort him and his kid out of our house. I pawned my wedding ring and hired movers to come the following day. I found an apartment paid my deposit and was gone all within 24hrs with my 2 bio kids in tow.

8 years ago today was the worst day imaginable to me. I am still messed up from it all. But 8 years ago today I found strength that I didn't know I had. 

Sometimes Facebook memories are beautiful and sometimes they shake you. I don't know who needs to hear this today- but you are not trapped in your situation. If you need to leave, do it. Protect yourself and your children. 

You are not trapped. You need a plan and you need to move swiftly and without hesitation. Get a small apartment that you feel comfortable with. Do not buy a house- that will trap you if you need to escape again. Get the restraining order. Get a gun. Get the f**k out of there. There isn't a doubt in my mind that my exH would have killed me one day. If you need to PM, please do. I will tell you everything I know.