Adult stepdaughter
This is a long story, dp and I have a 20 year age gap. He has 2 children from a previous marriage. Unfortunately his wife died when the kids were 2 and 4. I met him 13 years ago when kids were 5 and 7. Now ss is 18n and sd20. We have two children of our own now bs7 and bd5. Sd doesnt live with us anymore. She lives with dps sister due to uni. Relationship with sd has never been the greatest. Saying that we used to get along better when dp was away for business. Dynamics always changed when he came home. She has also been like a mini wife and manipulated everything. She also thinks she has been so hard done by growing up. Several things have happened over the years it would take too long to write it all down. I carry a lot of resentment from the last 13 years. Dp has always favoured sd over ss.
Last year for uni she needed a laptop which dp made ss pay for Because she didnt have any money. He told her to visit us to pick it up though. She literally came in the middle of the night got up the next morning got the laptop and on her way out asked for mail. I mentioned how much of a quick visit it was. Since then she has not spoken to me. She told dp she felt disrespected and treaten unfairly. When i approched her she said she doesnt wish to have any contact, i am bad for her mental health and over all these year negativity prevails. I was quiet upset to start. Despite my feelings towards her i have done so much for her. Now i am angry that dp never stepped up and stood up for me. She loves her little brother and sister but when dp told her she needed to call my phone to speak to them she preferred not to call. If she did she didnt even say hello or goodbye just " can i talk to the children or where are the babies" i find that very rude! The last 3 months she randomly started texting me i.e what do little ones want for xmas or a facebook memory that popped up for her very strange. Dp gets angry when i make comments how weird it is and that she cant just pretend nothing happened. Yesterday she must have called dp and suggested we meet for breakfast for bd 6th birthday. First dp suggested taking bkids alone so it wouldnt be awkward for him. I was furious. Now he said we can all go together if she brings it up again. The potential catch up is creating massive anxiety. I havent seen her for a year now. I am angry that there are and never have been consequences for her actions and dp said he is on my side but never officially.
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Comments
He made his son pay for his
He made his son pay for his sister's laptop? _
Yes he did... ss had 10k in
Yes he did... ss had 10k in the bank and he took him to withdraw 2k to buy laptop. It had to be the best most expensive one. And when she came to pick it up she had a go at dp for buying it without her because she needed add ons that she wanted to get with it. Which she had to get herself afterwards.
WTF why did he "have to" buy
WTF why did he "have to" buy his older sister's laptop? Why wasn't she told to get a freakin job. Poor ss, why did he have to give his sister 20% of his savings?
Its always been like this...
Its always been like this... not to mention i do bookkeeping for a living and bought an 800 dollar laptop and she needs the best of the best. I refused to use our savings for it so dp told ss to buy it.
He has always favoured sd over ss. His previous wife died when ss wasnt even 2 so all his love and attention went to sd who lost her mum.
Frigging SD's
Gawd these girls can be rotten, and worse when the DH never have our backs. I wouldnt fricking bother to meet up with the rude SD . Let your DH go alone with the kids. Why you ask? Because your DH will not get her to apologize or be accountable for her behavior. Best to stay away unless she actually acknowledges her rudeness. But she wont will she?
I have learned on here its a DH problem. He should have your back, but he doesnt.
Since she no longer lives with you, you can easily have little to do with her, or none at all. If your DH has a problem with that, you can say "you caused this, your choice to fix it or not" I was totally disengaged from my ex SD it worked for me.
My SD18 acts the same towards me
I haven't seen her or spoken to her in almost 2 years. I have been blamed for things that I know nothing about and only been made aware because her therapist was told she could update DH. I assume its her mother feeding her lies. The age shes at makes her more susceptible to outside influences so I just hope by taking a side step and moving on with raising our younger 3 kids that time will make her see the truth and she will realise and apologise. DH has told her he won't tolerate the way she speaks about me and she needs to apologise. No response to that, and since then he doesn't have much contact either. She likes to block him for months at a time when she doesn't like what she hears, then unblocked when she wants something! Because of this DH does walk on eggshells with her, and she knows it. The last time she tried to arrange to meet up to get her birthday gift, she asked DH to bring the kids but she didn't wan't me to go. DH said he wasn't sure the kids would go but he would meet her, so she then said I could go as support for the kids but I was to keep a distance and not look at her! Also that she wouldn't meet up unless the kids were there! No chance I was going where I wasn't wanted. My BD who was 11 at the time feels abondoned by her so did not want to go. DH had already agreed to go, so in order to not cause further upset I was the one who had to encourage her to go. So hard considering my feelings. Told DH that won't be happening again!
She has since implied I won't be included in any big events, wedding etc. Again, I won't go where I'm not wanted and I don't think its even occurred to her that her siblings aren't happy with her and may not even want to be involved anyway, or that they may not want her involved in their life events.
Dang it
What a rotten lil byatch
I agree I would not go where I am not wanted. More importantly I would not go where I do not want to go!
These SD's think they can have their cake and eat it too. NFW ! I sure hope your bios when they are older will support you in boycotting the byatch. That would teach her. Your bios will not appreciate their mom being treated poorly by that snot.
I am so glad i found this
I am so glad i found this forum. Its good to know i am not alone. I spend most of my day being anxious and teary. I cant believe how much of an impact she still has on me. I really hope bkids will see whats going on in time at the moment they think she is the ducks nuts. Saying that she hasnt seen them in 12 months. Funny how she wants to organise a breakfast for bd5 that i am sure we end up having to pay for... i am just so angry that she can just treat me like this without consequences. Dp is scared to loose her so he will never say anything. He said it has nothing to do with him and we need to sort it out. I cant believe how many of you are in a similar situation. I am so glad she doesnt live here anymore. I used to catch her out while she was living here but now dp will only talk to her on his way to or from work like a dirty little secret. I said once i would rather him have an affair then this secrecy. I feel he is always different after he spoke with her.
Of course it has to do with your DP too
You are his partner and he needs to show her he backs you up. If not, she will think he supports her behaviour and things could get worse. I had to point that out to my DH before he did anything. He initially just thought everyone would forget about it all and magically things would go back to normal.
Our youngest is 6, and she still thinks SD18 is the best thing ever. I won't talk badly of SD to the kids even though i'd love them to know how nasty she has been. They were all so close once, but as time goes by they don't talk about her much.