My first, not his.
He agreed to try for a baby, I fell pregnant shortly after.
We have his daughter every weekend, she's 7. She has many jealously issues but we make her feel special in every way.
We had an argument when I was 10 weeks pregnant and he said “im not doing this again, we either work or you get an abortion”. This really upset me and since being pregnant when I bring it up he talks about his daughter and his past experiences.
Last night I spoke about the baby and he mentioned his daughter and his ex everytime. I didn't say anything. In the evening we were watching tv and there was a family on there and I said, I can't wait for that. He said, we won't not include my daughter, will we? I said that there will be times when she is not there and it will be important for you to bond with the baby 1-1 and for us to have family time as a three. He flipped, he was so angry, he said I was a nasty person. I was in tears, he said, go on do your crying act! He kept referring to his ex saying, you don't like it because I've got a family from before and then he changed his words and said had a family, he did this twice. He said there are many things he wants to say about his past experiences.
I understand he has a past, I live with that every weekend. I look after her so well, she loves me. Both of my parents have died and I feel like I need some support in this pregnancy. I feel alone. I'm thinking that his daughter will come before this baby, and I feel so bad. I just want some things to be about this new baby, not his past.
He also finds it difficult to
He also finds it difficult to say the word baby, once he pointed to my belly and said “when we tell them about that”. He's also been spending a lot of money on himself and his daughter but didn't want to get an early private scan because he said it was pointless.
Now due to the virus he can't attend this week scan we've me, the first real one, he doesn't even know it's this week, I tell him but he forgets. He doesn't know roughly how far gone I am. He's purchased a soft toy, which is nice but I know that he did that because he could tell I was down.
over all these years I've done so much for him and my step daughter. I feel broken, alone and desperate.
I’m so sorry
This is such an awful situation and I genuinely sorry. I feel like he's putting you in a situation where you are always to blame, and he made The decision to have this baby too. Do you have friends or co-workers or others that could be a part of your support system right now? It also sounds like therapy would be good, Both individually for your own emotional support, as well as couples. I'm not religious but if you are, I know churches are often places that provide counseling resources, as well as other forms of community support.
but also I want To emphasize that you are NOT WRONG when you say of course your other daughter will be here at times and also sometimes it will just be the three of us. And you need to bond one on one with your new daughter. That's not unreasonable, and in fact is perfectly logical. Don't let him abuse or gaslight you into believing differently.
Thank you
Thank you for your message, I do, I haven’t told anyone but I was planning to after this week.
We did make the decision together but when he was saying we either work or I get an abortion he said that he didn’t know I wasn’t taking my pills. This is crazy and we both planned this, we both agreed. I would never stop taking them with his acknowledgement.
I think therapy would be a great idea, he’s not willing as he says it’s expensive (he earns a very good wage). I can seek therapy for myself. Thank you, that’s a great idea.
It’s a relief to read that, thank you. He makes me feel like a jealous manic and that I’m wrong/not right for thinking these things. I prepared his daughter a big sister box but he doesn’t think about any of this, I'm just a horrible person.
I will be honest.. there
I will be honest.. there either has been some real crossed wires here or this guy is displaying some fairly toxic traits...or (and I don't think it's likely.. but it is a possibility).. you took some license with getting pregnant when you knew he didn't explicitely agree you would do that right now.
Could there be any possibility that what you thought was agreement in his mind was more "yeah.. we could have a kid.. someday.." and he meant someday down the road not now?
Otherwise, he seems to be bringing more than just some "clueless" reminiscing over his other child's birth and mom's pregnancy. And.. unless he had reason to think your hope is for your "little family.. the three of you.. and that you don't consider his child part of it".. I think his reactions are pretty harsh.
Have you always wanted to include his child in your lives? have there been issues with you and her that he had problems with before?
It does sound like he is panicking a little bit now.. but he absolutely is acting like a donkey's behind and you deserve to be supported.
I would be taking my rose colored glasses off to take a hard look at the balance of this relationship... his comments almost seem threatening in some ways.
Whoa
None of this is good. You need a stress free pregnancy . You need support. You need a "real DH".
Put yourself and your baby first. Let the dick wad fantasize all the happy firsts with BM. Let him spoil and cater to SD. Do nothing for him or his DD, he will criticize you no matter what. Any man that does not refer to his pregnant bride as his baby is a class A LOSER.
I would live a parallel life to him. You are there for shelter, but make no expectations from this dick head. Let him miss all the things you did for him and his perfect first dd.
I hope things bet better...but I will bet on it once the baby comes he will feel such guilt. He will act only like a father to SD. Do you want that for your precious baby?
^^^ they are right you know.
^^^ they are right you know.
My experience was nothing short of terrible as well. I think after reading all of these responses I was able to put everything into perspective in my situation.
Best of luck to you. The resentment will take 2-3 visits from SD for you to realize what is going on.