Kind of SM related- Disability and benefits
Thank you for those who commented on my last post about SS20 being disabled, but not enough for the help we really need.
I do think that I am going to suggest that we get a lawyer for SS. His therapist, DARS counselor and Dr. all agree she should be on disability, it is just getting through the red tape and something that I don't have the time or patience to deal with right now.
Here is my internal issue though. While, yes, we need help if SS was to go into some kind of group home situation (6K a month is WAY more than we can afford for SS), we don't need things like food stamps. I don't know why I feel so strongly about it. Maybe because as a kid my parents went through a really rough patch for a little while and we used food stamps. We needed them. SS does not. I just feel like if we don't take it all, we won't get any and I just feel so weird about it. My parents worked so hard to get our family out of that situation. I have worked so hard and been blessed to have never been in that need. Now I am purposely TRYING to get my SS these things?
I need to make sure SS is medically covered (which he should be fine with Tricare for life). I need the peace of mind to know that we can move him to a group home or have assistance in getting him an apartment with a roommate one day (that is why we have to get him SSI). We can take care of everything else, and if something were to happen and DH and I were to die, SS comes into quite a bit of money in a trust.
I know that this is just how it is, and I should be thankful that we are able to get assistance that will hopefully better SS and he can live a more independent life and grow as a person. I don't know why I am so torn up inside. Maybe it has to do with BM and her fraud of the SSDI system. It made me so mad to know that she was working under the table full time but collecting SSDI. I don't know. Sorry this is a rambling. Anxiety is weird.
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He will just get cash and
He will just get cash and health insurance with SSDI. And even though he's covered by Tri-Care, Medicaid is better for him, as in my experience, Tri-Care has all kinds of rules about who people can see, etc (at least for mental health)
Food stamps come from a different program.
Can I be honest? You need a
Can I be honest? You need a break. You have too much going on. I really feel your DH needs to take this one on for you. I know it's difficult for him due to his career and time away, but it truly is his responsibility to handle. You do so much. If you do not take care of yourself, how will you take care of others???
I do need a break. It just
I do need a break. It just isn't an option. I am going to ask DH to hire a lawyer to handle it. He doesn't tell me no, so I am not worried about it. I just need to ask. I see him again on Saturday so I will do it then.
I'm happy that your DH
I'm happy that your DH supports you. Yes, pass it to a lawyer. Delegate all that you can and take a well-deserved break from at least one silo in your life.
I disagree about the snap
I disagree about the snap benefits really. Technically, as an adult, he should be covering all of his living expenses.. rent.. insurance.. food...toiletries.. Can he do that on his 450/month? (I think that was something like what you said he earned) Only to the extent that you and your DH subsidize his earnings.. and give him these things for free.
Get him everything he is entitled to. everything. This isn't YOU getting the benefit.. this is him getting the benefit to cover HIS costs.. so YOU and your DH can STOP paying for his upkeep. I know you may feel you can afford it.. but you are covering the costs of another adult.. and this all feeds into the eventuallity where he may have to survive when you are both gone.. and having these things in place to help him.. will be very important. If he can't live independently.. how could he navigate the system?
So.. feel super guilty? Use the benefits.. but put an equal amount of cash away into an account for him.. for when he will need that in the future?
He does only bring home about
He does only bring home about $450 (less once his essential pay goes back to normal). He can't even rent a room here for that. I see ads all the time for $600 for a crappy room in someone's house.
I just need to turn it over to the lawyer who handles this stuff and let go. They will take their cut out of the settlement, we can move on with things in place and like you said, I can have it in savings for him.
I know he can't really rent a
I know he can't really rent a room for that and feed himself.. but you and your DH are subsidizing these expenses for him... but the fact remains that he is an adult and if benefits are available to him.. you shouldn't put yourselves into the poor house.. put off retirement goals because you can technically put food on the table if you subsidize him.
Get him signed up for all the benefits that he may be entitled to. Whether some of these benefits are reduced by SSDI etc.. that's fine.. he should work to the extent he is able.. but we both know that long term, his employment may not always be steady or possible. Get him where he can get the help he needs.. and if he gets some SNAP benefits.. use that towards his food bill... I'm sure it won't cover all of his food.. but it will offset it. You and your DH need to not make this about being "too proud" to ask for assistance.. his son needs these programs.
Lawyer up
My now deceased disabled sister hired an excellent lawyer who guided her thru the process in a very compassionate way. I went to the meeting with her and to another meeting with a judge later. Flash forward a few years and SD59 accidentally found the same lawyer. Altho I didnt think her case was as strong, he got it for her, too.
Hire a lawyer who specializes in this and get ready for a long wait. Our lawyer's fee came out of the proceeds, no up-front fee. Good luck.