Quick Backstory: SS20 has Autism, ADHD and Anxiety disorder. He is considered high functioning but not enough to live on his own. BM has never been in the picture other than to pop up 1-2 a year with some random texts. BM has 7 other kids (all younger) custody of none. In and out of jail, drug and alcohol problems. 

SS is almost 21. I realize that they have age adjusted him to 12/13 but that doesn't mean that he can't handle what is expected. Because when he WANTS to, he does. He has 2 responsibilities in our home. Clean his room once a week, do the dishes in the evening. That's it. He does have his job 4 days a week, 4 hr shifts. So at least that is something productive. I drop him off in the mornings on my way into work. He didn't wake up AGAIN this morning, so I left him and told him to call and uber on my way out. He takes an uber home and knows how. 

Over the weekend I BIG TIME lost it. Like for real. I am honestly at the point where I am reaching out to his counselors about group homes. He is so freaking lazy. I woke up Saturday morning to find orange peels shoved in my couch cushions. They were all over the floor, a trail making a circle around our entire down stairs. He was pacing and decided to eat an entire back of those little halo oranges. There are like 10-15 oranges in those bags! He made the mistake of saying "Dammit JMTB I am F*cking cleaning them up, ok?!?!" --- He almost died. (Not really, but kind of) DH unleashed on him. 

It is the same fight over and over and over. Clean your room. No food in bedrooms. Wake up for work. Shower. Brush your teeth. Do the one chore you have for this house. I am so exhausted by the fighting. We were in a good groove for a while but then it just stopped around the holiday's. 

He has the room over the garage as a bedroom, so it's huge. He has a couch set up and his  gaming stuff. I was trying to give him more of an independent living situation after we bought our house. I think it has been a mistake. I am so close to moving him into the open guest room upstairs. It is the room right next to ours with a shared wall... so not a big fan of that as DH and I are... active. But I don't know what else to do for better monitoring. We can have no tv in his room, make sure he is up when I am, less space to clean up. 

We haven't gone back to apply for SSDI for him again. Right now we are working on just tricare for life. I feel like that is better for him anyway. I just don't know what to do about any of it. DH has said we will do whatever I think is best, but I  don't want to be the one to make the decision. DH knows that the burden is on me for at least another 2 years, which is why he is letting the decisions fall to me. It could take years to get him in a group home. We might have orders to leave the state by then. So it will all be for nothing! We aren't going to leave him behind.