I take it back!
After the yay moment this morning -- ugh!
Last night DH made one of his chili recipes. When we went over the week's meal plan, we decided on it and having it for two dinners. Great.
Today, SS comes down for lunch. I was in the next room so didn't hear their discussion but DH asked if it was ok to microwave one of our dish sets. I said no. He decided to use the others. SS had tomato soup yesterday and there was some left over so I figured that was what he was having.
Nope.
He gave him chili. Meaning there's not enough for the other dinner. Meaning we have to come up with something else. Worse? DH didn't even ask me first.
Once before, we had pork chops. 4 were cooked. I figured we could divvy up the fourth. SS asks for more. DH asks me if it's ok. I said yes, assuming he would give him part. Nope. Have him the whole thing -- without asking me if I wanted any.
Really feeling @$?!)(; off at the moment. The damn brat asks for something, answer is yes. Even though it affects me too and our meal plan. When/if I bring it up, he'll accuse me of being too rigid and anal and denying SS sustenance or something.
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Is there enough chili for YOU
Is there enough chili for YOU to have two dinners? If so, tell DH he can make himself a PBJ.
There's enough. But it wouldn
There's enough. But it wouldn't bother or phase DH to eat something else himself. He'd just say "oh, I can eat something else. No big deal." And he would miss the point.
Does it miss the point,
Does it miss the point, though? To me, as an adult, nothing is more basic of a personal freedom and choice than the food I eat. If I don't care whether I eat a bowl of cereal or a bowl of chili, then it's not going to concern me that someone else eats my portion of chili. So long as I don't give away my partner's portion of food, I should be allowed to give away my food as I wish.
That's true. I guess it
That's true. I guess it bothered me because we generally come up with meal plans together and everyone has the same thing. If he wants to give away his portion, that's fine. Odd but fine.
It may be odd to you, but not
It may be odd to you, but not to him. Food culture varies wildly, not just by country/region, but by household. He may find it odd to meal plan, but does it because it had worked out well, you like doing it and he wants to make you happy, it's the only economic way for everyone to eat, etc. Adopting meal planning, though, doesn't mean he has abandoned his previous food culture.
Don't make this a hill to die on. He can still sit at the table with you eating dinner, munching on a PB&J, while you slurp up some chili. As long as he connects with you at dinner and respects your food, what he chooses to eat should be his choice.
Oh, I won't die on it. I'll
Oh, I won't die on it. I'll even be pleasant and cheery when I ask him about dinner tomorrow. While the meal planning thing has been as much his thing as mine, you're right. He may just see it differently.
I was feeling hot and stressed when I posted. I'm much cooler now. Trigger reaction. I appreciate the other viewpoint.
I kind of agree with your DH.
I kind of agree with your DH.
Regarding the pork chop, he did ask. I would have interpreted you saying it was fine for him to give SS the whole thing. I personally find it odd to divvy up a "personal" sized serving of meat. It would never occur to me to cut it up and share it. This is a situation where you didn't communicate what you expected, so he made a wrong assumption. The way to handle this is "hey DH, in the future, I'd like to cut up 4th pieces of meat into 3rds so we can eat have a little more, thanks!"
Regarding the chili...eh. Maybe he thought there was going to be enough. Maybe he had another idea on what you all would eat. Maybe he thought "I'll just make SS a PB&J that night instead". Again, it becomes a discussion of "hey DH, we had talked about that for dinner, is there something else you had in mind to make instead since I'm not sure there will be enough for all of us on X-Day?"
I understand feeling like you're not being respected, or aren't being consulted. However, if you are too strict on things and get mad even when people ask like you want (like in the case of the pork chop), people are just going to do what they want because they're going to get in trouble anyway.
Good point.
Good point.
on the pork chops, we actually do usually share a fourth portion. Or, if it's turned around, I would ask him if he wanted some too before giving it away/eating it. Miscommunication.
I guess since we collaborate so closely on meals, it annoyed me he didn't ask about something that affected the plan. I'm fine changing and adjusting. It's just part of a larger pattern with things where he and I will discuss something, then he'll change course at a request from SS.
But you are right. It's best not to be too rigid.
Good point, Lt Dad. So often,
Good point, Lt Dad. So often, men are literal creatures and need specifics for clarification and good communication.
One of my nephews had that issue with his wife. She got mad at him when he did the dishes because he *only* did the dishes. He was baffled as to why she was mad. HER idea of doing dishes means you do dishes, wipe down the table, stove, and counters, AND sweep the floor. Once they got into the habit of clarifying instead of assuming, it made a world of difference.
FTR, one bowl of chili can be turned into a meal for two if you make chili dogs or chili-topped baked potatoes.
I can see why it would be
I can see why it would be annoying, given that you guys plan out your meals so carefully. I'm just curious, since we don't plan at all and often don't even eat together - what is the reasoning behind such strict meal planning?
That being said, it's not a hill to die on, I agree, as long as he doesn't give away your portion.
It's not that strict, really.
It's not that strict, really. We're known to say "hey, I feel like pizza tonight!" But we like to have a framework plan to cut down on trips to the store or wasteful spending. And we always eat together. It's something important to both of us. DH and I have very similar tastes and have always had a "we cook one meal" policy. We save the food we know SS doesn't like for our off weeks and stuff he loves for when he's here.
Fair enough - was just
Fair enough - was just curious. We eat together sometimes, but not always.
I'm a meal planned too, more
I'm a meal planner too, more so on our week with SK's I like to have dinners planned out, so I get your frusteration. If it were me I would just ask my DH "so since you gave SS your chili are you going without chili on Thursday night? Because I'm still planning to have my portion and don't feel like cooking anything extra for you that night."
I can see why this would
I can see why this would bother you. It's kind of like you and DH discussed this and then he went ahead and almost against your and his decision and gave SS special treatment to eat the food that was meant for another meal. My DH does things like this sometimes. Not so much against what we agreed on but more like babying his kids. Like just tell him to have a sandwich, he will survive.
I do meal plan, but always
I do meal plan, but always allow for some extra. I would never want someone to leave my table hungry. As you say SS is 10 in your bio, you may be running into a growth spurt. If he's consistently eating more - perhaps you need to make some adjustments to the amount of food you have to offer. My DS18 still eats me out of house and home some days - and if there are friends in tow food goes quickly. FYI - Three teenage boys can eat an entire crockpot of chili & the bread to go with it. At least they left me the salad :-)
I've got no problem with SS
I've got no problem with SS needing more and planning for that. And having flexibility. This was more annoyance for DH not mentioning it to me (since it would change our meal plans on a crazy week when shopping for and cooking another meal would be very inconvenient for both of us) or telling SS "you can't have the chili for lunch since we're eating it for dinner. But we have lots of peanut butter/grilled cheese/tomato soup/Hot Dogs."