Afraid of my 14yo stepdaughter
I am getting to the point where my SD is too old to even speak to because she scares the living hell out of me. I am beginning to have massive panic attacks by her presence. We caught her last night rummaging through our butcher knives at 1am checking the sharpness of blades. She has a history of violence, personality disorders, OCD, anxiety disorders and more. She refuses to even leave the computer for even a few minutes without screaming at us and calling names. She has called the police on her mother 3 times stating that she is "abused" because she has taken her cell.phone away due to massive disrespect and name calling. I am near the point I even want to be in the house with her as I fear she could pose a threat to our lives if we do not always agree to her demands. I even lock our door to our bedroom at night. Her father will not engage with her or instill any punishment or talk to her to avoid any conflict. I am looking for any advice. She is adopted as well and has dealt with trauma, anger and so on as she came out as transgender at age 12. Please help.
Welcome to the site!
Is this girl having any sort of treatment for her multiple behavioural and other problems? Personally I would make this a condition on which I would agree to have her in the house. Her father is behaving ridiculously. Kids like this need strong boundaries, they do not actually want to feel out of control. In your position, with a couple of ineffectual bio parents, I think I might be looking for alternative living accommodation. It is no life being scared to sleep at night.
She has been in extensive
She has been in extensive therapy since she was 3 years old and even seeing multiple therapists at a time. She lives with her mother and step-father the majority of the time and she is very hands on and sets strict guidelines for her yet she has nearly broken her with the repeated calls to the cops and the constant harassment by her daughter. This child is in no way "abused" as she's never had her mother lay a finger on her and tries her hardest try get her help. However her Dad has basically given up on her life. She had previously been suicidal two years ago and at that time he stated that he as accepted that she will probably just kill herself one day so there is no point in any sort of confrontation with her ever so she does whatever she wants whenever she wants and I have zero say. I agree that if this continues to escalate that I will most likely find another place to live. We only see her maybe once a month right now which is probably the only reason I've tolerated it. Thank you for your advice.
"she will probably just kill
"she will probably just kill herself one day so there is no point in any sort of confrontation with her ever"
I wonder if it's ever occurred to him that she might decide not to go alone when she kills herself? Supposing she decided to take both of you with her?
Frankly, if that is your DuH's attitude, I'd be out of there NOW! Having to lock your door at night is no way to live.
Agreed. I'm not living
Agreed. I'm not living somewhere that I am scared to sleep. Actually, I won't live somewhere that is so bad I am having panic attacks or anxiety.
OP, love yourself more than your husband's lazy parenting.
This is probably not very
This is probably not very helpful, but in your shoes I would find another place to live, right away. I would not want to live my life in fear, nor feel the need to lock my bedroom door at night lest I be attacked in my sleep.
It sounds like she needs to
It sounds like she needs to go inpatient at a hospital and be psychiatrically evaluated and stabilized. She definitely has a deep rooted mental health issue. You should contact a psychiatrist or a private psychiatric hospiital.
Yes, this. When she has
Yes, this. When she has outbursts or threatens others, call the police. They can take her to the hospital for evaluation. She sounds like she needs to be in residential treatment, quite frankly.
If she's only there once a month, can you go elsewhere for those days? Stay with family or friends and take any children/pets with you. If not, at least lock up all the knives when she visits, and any other obvious weapons to harm herself or others, such as ropes, pills, heavy objects, etc. Though I'd rather just go elsewhere.
I am a child mental health professional, and this kid needs more than she's getting. If your DH can't handle her, he'd be doing her a favor to not have her stay overnight. Also, it appears that BM does a better job managing her? If so, then he should just see her for the day and not have her stay at your home overnight; OR step up his parenting and follow BM's lead.
Other services and supports should be available to BM. She sounds like a very disturbed child and it likely won't end any time soon.
If SD is like this after years of mental treatment
She is not going to be fixed. It's a sad Thing when humans can not be fixed. She will not change. DH either have to make other arrangements to see his DD or you must go someplace when she over your house. A nice hotel with a spa
I could not live that way. My SD was nuts but hurt herself not other people. And still it was impossible to live with her. She change the whole vib of the house.
Anyone, regardless of age,
Anyone, regardless of age, who represents a deadly risk to others in the home, has no business in the home.
We have dear friends who adopted two pre teen sexually abused boys. Both of those boys are not incarcerated as minors. The eldest is 14 and began molesting other kids at school as well as his younger brother. He was sent to a behavioral residential ranch school in the middle of nowhere. He refused to engage in the therapy process and recycled 3 times. He refused to comprehend that what he was doing was wrong. After all, it felt good so how could it be wrong. He eventually was sent to an even more restrictive facility where he continued to molest younger kids and eventually attacked a teacher. They surrendered him back to the custody of the State because he represented far too high of a risk to the safety of his younger brother and way too high of a risk of liability for them to be sued by the parents of his victims.
Their younger son is now in a RTF for his penchant for arson.
I would put your Skid under the hairy eyeball, lock her down, unplug her from all computer access and video games and make her life a living hell all under 24/7 camera surveillance. Put locks on all bedrooms that are secured at bedtime to prevent her from entering the room of anyone else. Document and engage the authorities on any violent behavior she exhibits or any property she damages. At 14 she is subject to being put in a State facility if she is not careful and if she remains a threat to others