You are not a bad person. I am 100% against co-sleeping. It's so awful to break and children get conditioned knowing if they say "they are scared" or crying. They will get what they want. Recently had a baby and since he is a newborn he sleeps in the same room but I'm ready for when he gets older. DH has issues when SS comes to our house because when he actually stays with his mom, she lets him sleep with her. She works a lot & 12hr shifts so SS is bounced around places all the time. But we make him sleep in his room. He tries every night to sleep with us but we forbid it. He has 3 nightlights, stars on the ceiling and a projection light with sound at almost 4 to keep him in his room. We also have a child safety knob on his door now because he use to get up and try to go outside or do something he wasn't suppose to do. So, that's helps. He is a very tall 3.5 year old his daddy is 6'5". I feel like you need to discuss it with your SO that you feel it's putting a strain on your relationship and it's promoting bad habits. Is he going to still allow him to sleep with you guys when he is 11,12,13? When is SO cut off. Because I'm sorry but 8 is too old unless he is incredibly sick or something major. Every night at 8years old. That's ridiculous IMO 

I dealt with this situation. I had no privacy and after the kid walked in on me naked i put my foot down. You deserve privacy, and it's inappropriate for you to be sleeping with an unrelated child. It's also really codependent and kind of ick for your SO to cuddle the boy all night while you are im bed with them. 

If it were me I would not allow it. I met my SS when he was 7 and he regularly would cuddle with DH overnight and in the morning. I made it clear to DH that that would never happen with me over at his house, so it was best if he stopped it. He tried to keep doing it when I didn't stay over, but he eventually had to stop when I moved in. It was all DH, imho. I think he was the one that didn't want to give up that time with his son, but eventually did so when completely forced to.

Maybe your SS will grow out of it. But if you are feeling a "me against them" vibe that's not good. You should also try and address your own issues of not wanting to sleep alone, because it's hard to tell an 8 year old to do it if you can't yourself.

Neither my 2 year old or 5 year old sleep with me. Even when they are sick, not in my bed. What I've done is dragged a mattress in my room so that my 5 year old can stay close when very ill. I think it isn't too hard to establish those boundaries. It may be a few days of tears, but I think most kids will adjust with being in their own room.

I would never have allowed this. No way I sleep with someone else's stinky farting kid in my bed - YUCK. Your DH is a lousy parent, he'll "never make him do something he doesn't want to do"? That's how you ruin a kid's life. But he sure has no problem making you do something you don't want to do. 
 

Move into another bedroom if you plan to stay with this selfish man. 

I agree with tog, ew.

I never allowed my DH's kid to sleep in bed with us and she's a female. There is certainly no way I would be allowing someone elses SON to sleep in bed with me.

My SD29 went through a period of being afraid of the dark when she was young. We still didn't let her sleep with us. Instead, we taught her to not be afraid of the dark.

There is no way on God's green earth that I would sleep in the same bed with an unrelated child of the opposite sex.  I would be sleeping in another bedroom before I did that.  NO GOOD can come of that.

One of the first things I insisted upon when I started living with DH was that both SDs (then 2 and 5) sleep in their own room.  They had previously slept with DH.  He moved them into their own room - cold turkey - although a few times at the beginning he had to stay in their room with them until they fell asleep.  Luckily they had each other, which I'm sure made things easier.  But there was no way I was sharing my bed with unrelated children.  And these were little girls, not an 8 year old boy.  Heck, I allowed our bio to sleep in her pack and play in our bedroom for about 9 months, and then she was banished to her crib in her own bedroom.  I don't even want to be in the same bedroom as my own child.

I would make this a hill to die on.  And if the skid wasn't out of the bedroom immediately, I would be. 

I love sleeping with my 9 year-old. She doesn't expect it but appreciates it. I would never do this with SO in the bed though. that's just too creepy

I see red flags here if he doesn't want to upset his son. I mean think about the big picture and what kind of behavioral issues that attitude could cause.

I met my SD when she was 6 and she's never slept in our bed with us but was still sleeping with her mom regularly at 16. I'm not even a fan of my BD who's 3 sleeping with us and would definitely never let an unrelated cold sleep with me. SO used to take naps cuddled up on the couch with SD sometimes and even that seemed weird to me.

Ask your bf why he is hellbent on stunting his son's emotional development. 

Then ask him if he'd be ok with his son hopping into bed with BM and her bf/dh. Would he call CPS for abuse? 

Finally, does he expect you to still tolerate his son in the bed when he starts getting morning wood? 

What is so good about this guy that you're willing to put up with his mini-husband? 

I should also point out that the fact he has been married before doesn't mean that it's normal for him not to seek adult time! I'll tell you what isn't normal though, a man who has a hot woman in his bed, who is begging for alone time but he prefers to cuddle his son instead... Is it possible that he's hiding something from you? Like ED? And he'd be using his son as a shield? 

I don't mean to pry, but how old are you both? 

Totally inappropriate. Not only would this make me uncomfortable, but you are putting youself in a compromising situation. Does BM know about this? Be prepared to have potential abuse allegations against you. You have to protect yourself. If DH doesn't understand that, he's selfish and I would rethink this relationship. 

Stop sleeping in there ASAP. No you shouldn't have ot be the one to "move", but unfortunately your DH doesn't have a spine and can't say "no". His inability to tell his child no, not only for this situation, but everything else, is going to turn him into an entitled brat that thinks all decisions revolve around him (if this isn't the case already).Personally, I wouldn't want my life to revolve around what an 8 year old wants, even if he was my Bio. I am one of those people that think a solid marriage starts with husband and wife. That should be the focus and should come first. I would discuss these points with DH. This would be a deal breaker for me. I would talk to your therapist also and try to figure out the best steps to get out of this crummy situation. 

Every time SS jumps into the bed, you need to jump out. You risk a CPS investigation if he mentions to someone outside your household that he shares a bed with his father's girlfriend. 

If Dad  (aka BF) wants to continue to sleep with him, you need to move out.

Leave. Now.  Your emotionally if not physically incestuous BF is not worthy of you.  Until you move out, have a keyed lock put on the MBR door and when you go to bed lock them both out.

Or... start initiating intimacy with deep passionate kisses with your BF whether the kid is there or not.  If your BF insists on having his child in the adult bedroom and bed,  make his choice abundantly clear..... every night. Heck, make him choose every minute his kid is in YOUR home.  

No one in your MBR but the two of you. PERIOD.  If he insists on continuing this likely incestuous crap with his kid he can do it locked out of YOUR bedroom.

You are not a bad GF. He is a failed man, failed husband, failed father, with a failed family and failed family progeny and worst of off.... he has failed as your BF,

smh