Oof, It's been awhile since I've posted here
I don't know what triggered the memory of the board, but I figured it would be nice to let it out a bit, and give an update.
If you're unfamilliar, I was a bad spot with my wife, to the point where I finally just bit the bullet and filed for divorce. I have two children with her, and she has one from a previous relationship. I'm a teacher, and she works very long hours elsewhere. I am the primary caregiver for our shared children, so back then - I was done - ready and willing to start the court battle for custody. I filed for divorce, and it changed a whole lot.
I never really liked her child. To be honest, the kid was never given structure, and any kind of critique/suggestion was immediately shot down, and "HOW DARE YOU" was given. Violence to animals/violence to her mother/screaming to the point of vomit was common. The kid is 7 now? The kid was/is baaaaad. When my kids came along, I couldn't live with the fact that this little monster was going to influence them during their development - so I decided to call it quits, at least then it could only happen every other weekend.
Upon filing for divorce, I got the regular run-around - the "I hate you's, you're going to regret this/etc." I gave no ultimatum for revoking the divorce order, but she did talk me into an intermediate time to try for our shared children.
Long story short, her previous child now lives full time with her grandparents. My wife goes to visit occassionally, but neither I nor our shared kids go. The grandparents obviously blame me, so I'm not "allowed" to go, which doesn't really bother me at all. Let me make it clear that I didn't ask for this, nor did I lead it in that direction. I was ready to stop, and this solution that my wife came up with.... worked. I don't really hear much about it, and the days go by really nicely. I have a great relationship with my wife, I'm a total slob when it comes to spoling the ever living goodness out of my baby girl, and we both never sleep because our son never sleeps. It's the picture of a family that I'd always had in my head.
Don't get me wrong, if things were to devolve again, I pretty much always have my finger on the trigger (metaphorically), but it doesn't really seem like it's going to happen. The situation was resolved, which lead me to not vent with you all anymore. I hope everyone is well.
To borrow a few wise words
To borrow a few wise words from the immortal Elmer Fudd "Be vewy, vewy, (careful)". It will be highly unlikely that your DW will keep her eldest away for ever. No doubt your ILs are planting all kinds of juicy and vitriolic nuggets in her ears about how you are banishing her eldest.
I would push for you and DW to be in marriage counseling together to ensure that your marriage and relationship are continually locked in as the priority for both of you.
My fear for you is that this will loom in the background if you do not force it to the surface and work it out with professional help.
I am happy for you and your kids that things are improving.
Good luck.
That’s great. I was wondering
That’s great. I was wondering how you were getting on, and how you’d been all this time. I’m thrilled that things have become more bearable for you. You’re like me: you’re prepared to stay in the relationship as long as the situation is sustainable, but you’re also prepared to hit the ejector button if the dealbreaker comes along and breaks the deal.
Good to know
That things are working out, you have an exit plan should they fail, and the spawn is somewhere else.
Beware the return of devil spawn.
But - yes, once SD21 Feral Forger left, our home was the picture of happiness and serenity.