Hello everyone, 
I am so thankful to have found this forum. For the longest time I've felt alone in the battle with being a step mom. I'm a mom of 10 kids ( yup 10). 
My husband has 6 kids from two marriages, and I have 4 children from one marriage. 
When I met my husband I knew I was taking on 6 extra little humans, and we'd have days where we would end up on the brink of insanity. Between the noise levels, fighting, and not to mention the grocery bill we do have days where a bottle of wine is required at the end of the night. 

Here is where my battle begins, since my children where little I have taught them respect, manners, and to be self sufficient. They wake up for school on their own, they make their own lunches, and get themselves ready. They clean up after themselves for the most part, but most of all they are very respectful to the adults in their lives. 
That's not to say they are saints, trust me my kids do have bad days and can be a bit of a pain. 
The issue is when my husbands kids come stay with us, it's complete chaos!!! 
The respect level is not there. All of his kids have been "babied" by their mother's. 
For example the 12 year old won't even get himself ready for school, nor will he ever clean up after himself. 
At the dinner table all his children chew with their mouth open, all leave their plates on the table, no one helps clean up. 

Now for the real kicker my step son (6 years old) throws such severe tantrums when he doesn't get his way. He begins to punch my kids, screams so loud to the point the neighbors have asked questions. 
When I put him in time out he screams at me saying " I f**ing hate you, I wish you'd die." 
His moms solution is to say " It's okay baby I will get you what you want." No consequences for his actions. 
My other step son never takes responsibility for anything he does. He broke a Tv right infront our eyes by throwing a controller though it. Denied the whole  thing! When I tried to disapline he starts with the fake tears. My husband says it's okay we'll get a new tv. 

The stress at home keeps mounting. I'm a nurse who like many healthcare workers are feeling the stress of COVID-19. Perhaps that's why patients are running thin, but I honestly dread when my step kids come 3 days a week. I can't stand being here with them some days. I love my husband but he is quick to defend his own children when I speak with him. 
Help please !!!!!! 
Ps sorry If I have posted this twice, just getting the hang of the site.