I’ve committed a crime...

I had the audacity to let BM 1 know after 8 years of stressful, BS Christmas exchanges (or attempted exchanges on the years she ultimately blew us off) I sgguested she come PICK SS15 UP HERSELF. You're clutching your pearls I know.

You see after years of half baked plans to rope other people into doing her bidding, myself included, with changing times and locations and people, I simply decided, I don't want to particiape in the Xmas exchnage escapades this year and I'm not even trying.

He is available after 1-you want him come get him. She told me she was "tired of driving all the way." We live an hour away-she moved further away 3 years ago. Generally we will meet her sister, her second son's father, her mother, someone to exchange SS but it's never BM. Then she doesn't collect him from that person sometimes for days after she's supposed to have gotten him. When she was primary custodian SO and I provided all transportation.

since July she's seen SS about 1x per month, at the last minute and it's always a circus-which is actually progress for BM believe it or not. But if you add up that transport it's about 9 hours since July. I added up school transport, doctors appointments, exchanges, extracurriculars I myself transport him to. That's 113 hours since September alone. But yeah please tell me again how tired you are of driving 15 minutes more to collect your son (she will drive to pick her 2nd son up no problem, he's her golden child but not my sweet SS) is an undue burden on you.

my therapy homework this week was to say "no" to 3 people. When she asked me, I said no. She told me I was being unreasonable. LOL. I suppose that means despite my raising this child for the last 4 years full time, attending doctors appointments, transporting him to and from school, making sure he has clothing, food, adequate furniture, teaching him life skills, attending and planning for his IEP for his transition to fully integrated high school, homework help and just plain spending time with him, my refusal to do anything but spend time focusing on my children (including my own biological child) on Christmas is just SO SELFISH of me. I held the line. Save it sister.

anyway, guess who is picking SS up from home on Christmas?

thanks therapy.

mommadukes2015's blog
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Good job. Ignore the whore.

BRAVO!!!

It feels good to not compromise with crap people. If you dig your own hole, you can dig some steps to get the hell out of it, too.

I def still working on

Thank you! I def still working on feeling guilty about it. LOL. My therapist says it gets easier but it's hard because it's a new skill.

You might always feel guilty

You might always feel guilty when you say no. Do it anyway.

Wow. Your story sounds so

Wow. Your story sounds so much like my sister's. I hope she gets to a place of peace like you...she seems to be calmer and more peaceful lately.

Her oldest is her SS. He came into their lives surprise style when he was 5 after his BM was pulled over driving under the influence of meth for the THIRD time. They did a paternity test...and yep, it was my BIL's kid from a high school dalliance. He and my sister had just had their first baby, who was now about to be 1. The week after she was born, BIL was sent to Iraq (Marines)...then he'd been home for a month when surprise kindergartner suffering from severe neglect shows up at their door. My sis was furious.

Flash-forward 9 years, the kid is now 14 and is the sweetest, smartest, most amazing big brother to my sister's other two. He absolutely flourished under their care / parenting. His BM still hasn't been able to kick the drugs, and she gets him for 6 hours of supervised visitation every other weekend...and sometimes she doesn't take it bc she can't produce a clean drug test.

Think that stops her from loudly criticizing everything my sister does and trying to make her life a living hell? No...of course not. My sister posted back to school pictures on Facebook one year...and despite never paying one dime of child support...BM had the nerve to text my sister and say the other kids' clothes looked nicer and she hoped that my sister wasn't short-changing her son in any way. Yeah.

Anyway. Good for you!!! Stick up for yourself and your sweet SS. I've finally convinced my sister not to get dragged down to her BM's level and she seems to be getting there :-)

Yes and it's SO hard. Because

Yes and it's SO hard. Because you want them to have the best of both worlds, but after a while it runs you down. Then looking at it objectively with the help of my therapist, I do plenty. Her demands for more are undue. I do not want to spend my holiday waiting around for her to figure out what her plan is 30x over. I don't want to be frustrated and talk with her all day. I want to enjoy Christmas with my family without her interference. I think, given all I've done that is actually hers to do, that isn't a big ask and it would behoove her to remember that I do this voluntarily.

It's a never ending lesson, I'm sure your sister feels the same way-the guilt of "I could do this" vs "but do I really want to do this". I try to take it one BM circus at a time. I'm learning, I need to honor my own wishes and speak my truth more. If you're busy keeping the peace there is no peace!