I am missing RAGS input... Hope he is just taking a break from this nonsense... Miss you, Rags!!

Forums:

Having been on this site so many years, we old timers so appreciate the wisdom of those who came before us... And - huge note to those early in their marriage or relationship - we are hoping our stories will resonate with you that only you can save yourself by getting counseling, getting out and best of all - BOTH!! Merry Christmas to every StepMonster - never loose sight of who you are!!

This forum was more useful than counseling.

Family therapists don't get it at all. I didn't realize how much commonality my experiences and feelings had with others in my boat until I found this forum. So yes, completely appreciate the people who have been on here the longest. Thank you!

Yeah, our therapist was like

Yeah, our therapist was like "he should talk to his ex as much as he wants so he can be the best dad he can be! That's the most important thing!" Bye Felicia!

Vomit-inducing advice.

Most therapists focus on the nuclear family and don't know how to handle the complexities of blended ones. Your therapist proves it.

This group

Saved me with valudation if my own research and understanding. I still gave stbxdh a month extra after our first dissolution was scheduled. You think after cancelling the dissolution he would have gotten into therapy to learn how to stop sexing up his adult daughter, etc. Nope. Enmeshment and incest are powerful forces, YET he still had a choice to at least check with a counselor to see if all I researched is true. Nope.

Now that ss 23 killed himself, all his dds have to do is threaten suicide to get dadddeee back into line. I am not into polygamy. I am not interested in being number 8 or so in his life.

ST is like counseling, advice from strangers who care because they wish to prevent others from torture (THIS kind of caring is a GIFT), and self validation (ex: is this weird? Yes, that's not only weird but mini wife emotional and physical incest. Yes, I thought so too. Something so powerful about ST and veterans of step hell that HELPS.)

So, thank you. Thank you for helping me. I finally listened n left hell.

No other group regarding step parenting that I have seen deals with the realities of first family enmeshment.

Without technology, and ability to find support and validation online, it may have taken me YEARS of counseling and who knows how many counselors to find a good one. It would have done so much damage for me to have gone to a clueless counselor who would tell me to try harder, that kids come first, etc. With counselors you never know if you will get one who understands things like such that are discussed here.

You believed me. Read my posts. Gave info and experience. Encouragement and also boldness. #best Christmas gift ever.

Thank you all again. I can't say it enough.

jojo

You are a hero. You did it, like me. Seems like we both had mini wife SD's with daddys that loved them so much . unhealthy love that the women in their life were extras or seconds. I come on here after the hellish fact for validation too

It was my sister who originally found this site for me and told me to read on here. The only regret is that I should have come on here 10 years ago.

Merry Christmas with no blended family . Life is great.

I also thought I was the only

I also thought I was the only one. I love my husband but man his daughter is a waste of oxygen.

Team Rags!

Hopefully Rags and his lovely bride are busy enjoying the holidays.

Rags is still around! I see

Rags is still around! I see him commenting with his laser focused-straight to the heart of the problem-no holds barred- gems of advice!

honestly I think he should make a soundboard because all step parents could use a pocket Rags to firm up that backbone and keep the compass pointing to true north.

I would also be lost without Gimlet, Aniki, Aunt Agatha, Red Hen, Tog, CLove, advice.only, classyNJ, thinkthrice, futuro, lieutenant_dad et al y'all so many of other good ones. #StepSquad