Separate Finances Are Not The Be All
And End All. With out of control Disney spending and flushing boatloads of cash down the CS hole in order to build a better underachieving ingrate, what happens in retirement? Even after a skid PASes out, the CS stops and possibly the guilty spending comes to a halt, that's a lot of lost finances to make up for.
Will a guilty daaadddeee try to live off SM's retirement and more stable financial atmosphere? Will guilty daaaddddeeee have to perpetually work at least one full time job into his eighties to make up for decades of attempting to buy love from his PASed out biological extrusions? Will it all end with skiddult unplugging daaadddeeee's life support machine to charge skiddult's latest iphone?
Thoughts?
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All expenses should be
All expenses should be factored in when deciding joint expenses and that includes retirement. DH and I decided how much of each check is going to retirement as well as how much goes into our joint account. Though he's not a Disney Dad, that's how we do it.
What Tog said
Separate finances does not mean there is no planning nor financial conversations. We have a joint account for bills, each have our own funded retirement accounts, etc.
But after the bills are paid, what's left over from each of our paychecks is what we have to spend. Because our non-household finances aren't pooled, he can knock himself out buying expensive presents for his kiddos. I honestly don't care.
Personally, I'm saving as much as I can as a hedge against any potential job loss. What he does is his business.
But you should be having basic conversations. If your SO isn't sticking to his end of the expenses bargain, then you have a problem.
Personally, I couldn't be with someone who can't take care of their basic needs first. They can go hog wild with what's left.
Agreed. "Poor money skills"
Agreed. "Poor money skills" is just another way to say immature. I couldn't be with someone who was unwilling to manage his money like a grown-up. After all our joint expenses are met, DH can do what he wants. He doesn't spend it on SS though.
Again, anyone
Who gets involved with someone who has a previously enjoyed family shouldn't just think separate finances will be the solution. They must also think about how many resources will be flushed over the decades and how that will put one at a financial disadvantage, especially those of modest means.
That should all be accounted
That should all be accounted for in the joint expenses. I see what you are saying, that it's still money going to the kids that could be going to the household, but you can decrease that if you insist on budgeting all the necessary stuff, including retirement.
The solution would be to divorce them, but many (including you), aren't willing to do that, so this helps that issue.
I'm not married
But the conclusion would be that those going into stepHELL who think they will be relatively unscathed with separate finances and disengagement will, in all reality, not be.
Agreed. But it's a heck of
Agreed. But it's a heck of lot better than watching him give your hard-earned money to his kid. And it depends on income level as well. If you make enough money, you can come out relatively unscathed. Even with DH paying 1K in Child Support, our combined income is so much higher than I could ever make on my own, I did come out ahead rather than behind. Now, if he was the type to give thousands to his kids, it might be an issue - but I would still insist that we fund all household expenses, retirement, vacations, home repairs etc FIRST, so that what he gives to his kids affects me less.
We keep everything separate,
We keep everything separate, whick means none of my money at all goes to SKs. He gives me a specified amount each month and I handle the finances. It leaves him with less money to spend foolishly on SKs. He does have his own credit cards and since we are not married he is responsible for that also.
I do not want any future responsibility for him possibly consigning for anything for SKs. As far as retirement goes I will be better off retired than working. What his lifestyle looks like will be based on his choices as SKs get older.
Agree with you Thinkthrice.
Agree with you Thinkthrice. Separate finances help because you don't have to watch your hard-earned money going out to skids in addition to his...or at least he has to ASK for your money if he needs help...doesn't just get to assume it's OK.
That said...yes. Overspending on skids (or anything else) WILL affect your finances as well, particularly in retirement. In my case, DH really doesn't overspend on skids any more...but he way overspends on pursuing his dream career. Like...we're probably talking high six figures over the past decade...and I'm not really sure what the ROI has been. We'll see. We were starting to get profitable in 2019...then 2020 happened and basically shut down our industry. Thank goodness we literally finished our largest project to date in March/April, right as everything was shutting down. It's pushed sales back, but at least we have the product done.
Anyway. I'm saving for retirement. Not completely on track for my age yet...but getting more aggressive with it. DH is 10 years older than me and hasn't saved one penny. The only thing that gives me comfort is that his parents are super wealthy and he's one of only two inheritors...so that will obviously help. That said, if I make more next year and need to lower our joint income (which is likely) I'll be opening a second IRA in his name. DH basically signs whatever I put in front of him.
Sounds like there is no
Sounds like there is no pension in America.
We keep our finances seperate. DH gets a pension and I get a payment for looking after him.
Our pensions go into a joint account and all go on costs.
This leaves any other finances we have accumulated over the years for us to spend on ourselves and our own bio kids as we please.
DH's finances have been seriously depleted over the years by the BM of his second lot of kids. Her constant taking him to child support to try and get more money did not work out well for her. Eventually child support ruled he had overpaid and she being younger than him was more able to earn an income. He got a ruling that he did not have to pay any more.
His finances may be completely depleted before any inherit . Not my problem.
There is Social Security here
There is Social Security here, but it's not enough to live on, typically. You need more saved up to have a decent standard of living.
Same as here then. I do have
Same as here then. I do have a few friends who survive on just the pension but it would not be easy.
My husband convinced himself that payin gun $1000
A month to his uni degree graduate daughter of almost 2 yrs as a 25 yr old indefinitely as per her words he owes her cs because its his responsibility indefinitely when we have a 3 & 4 yr old is embarrassing but my husband convinced himself that maybe skids will return the favour and care for him in old age.
all i said was "are you kidding me?? They have never cared about anyone but themselves and milking you of anything financial they can get including telling you to transfer your home to them because you owed their mum"
you wanna put the hands of your retirement and old age in them is ridiculous. That said hubby did buy a home for me and our kids in my country where our 2 kids are schooling and its in my name, as a measure should something happen to hubby, I didn't have 3 feral greedy skids and a batshit crazy exwife kicking us to the kerb.
hubbys pension/retirement fund is willed solely to us and also life insurance automatically goes to his wife (me), skids and exwife can't even take me to court for it.. hubby figured if he were to die, 2 skids are already adults (sd25, ss22.5) and the sd15 will be an adult while our 2 are minors.
skids have benefitted more financially so there is no such thing upon his death his whole estate is split equally because he feels more responsible to ensure we are well provided for the basics that skids have benefitted from.
I just have SO give me a set
I just have SO give me a set amount each month. I take that and put it towards bills, savings and so on. What he spends his play money on I don't worry about.